DWTS Offseason Update: 4-28-06

Rumors surround possible DWTS 3 celebrity Harry Hamlin. And, in case you'd forgotten, Stacy Keibler is beautiful.

Stacy Named One of People's Most Beautiful
People magazine's annual Most Beautiful People issue hit newsstands today, and Stacy Keibler cracked this year's top 100. Editor Jess Cagle told The Early Show that Stacy "probably has the best legs of anyone on the list."

Dancing Pays Better Than Wrestling
Stacy was paid more for reaching the finals on DWTS than she earned as a professional wrestler in the WWE. While Drew's said that celebrities deserve a lot more money for participating, dancing sure beats getting hit with a folding chair.

Will Harry Hamlin Dance in Season 3?
USA Today reported that Harry Hamlin is nervous about taking the floor for DWTS 3. But E's Kristin Veitch pointed out in a recent chat that Harry won't know the fate of his Veronica Mars character Aaron Echolls until the CW network decides if it will pick up that show for another season. Harry may not be able to compete and film Veronica at the same time.

Start Date for DWTS 3
In the same chat with Kristin, she said that Carrie Ann Inaba was still unsure when the new season would start filming. But Howard Stern reported last week when he disclosed the contract offer made to his girlfriend, Beth Ostrosky, that DWTS will return on September 13, with shows moving to Wednesdays and Thursdays.

Carrie Ann - Supermodel
On May 3, Virgin Megastores celebrates the expansion of its clothing department with a celebrity fashion show, including DWTS judge Carrie Ann. Unfortunately, the event at the Virgin Megastore in Hollywood is for press only.

Interview with Lisa Rinna
Lisa talks about the dance studio she plans to open with Louis van Amstel in this interview with People.

How Hard Could It Be?

Cirie caught her first fish after asking herself, "How hard could it be?" Fishing's easy: be patient, and be smarter than the fish. She applied the same logic to Survivor and was able to cleverly engineer Courtney's ouster.

It was obvious that Cirie was a good deal smarter than at least one of her competitors. Shane spent the morning of day 28 pretending that a piece of wood was a BlackBerry email device. Too bad his son never actually received the "omg britneys preggers agin! o rly? YA RLY! lol @ teh o rly owl!" message Shane thought he was sending.

At the Reward Challenge, castaways were split into two teams: Cirie, Aras, and Shane vs. Terry, Danielle, and Courtney. Each individual was hooked to a rope, which they followed into the water over and under a series of obstacles. At the end, they each unhooked from the rope, retrieved a bag from under the water, clipped back onto the rope, and navigated their way back to the beach.

Halfway through the obstacle portion, Cirie, Aras, and Shane became tangled in the rope, with no chance of catching up. The winning team sent Aras to Exile Island, and Cirie and Shane headed back to camp.

Terry, Danielle, and Courtney were ready to enjoy their reward, a barbecue on a private island, when Jeff Probst announced that they would immediately play a second Reward Challenge. The first person to break three tiles using a slingshot won a GMC Yukon. Of course, Terry won.

Upon reaching the private island, the winners cruised around in Terry's new SUV -- which he called "righteous" -- before enjoying their feast. Terry suggested to Courtney and Danielle that they team up, taking Cirie with them to the final four and voting Aras out as soon as possible.

Courtney agreed, but Danielle wasn't so sure she wanted to make things so easy for Terry. The odds of one of the women beating him in the final three challenge would be slim. And after last week's question-answer challenge revealed that no one likes Courtney, she, and not Danielle, would be Terry's obvious choice for an opponent to take to the final two.

Back at camp, Cirie decided to try her hand at fishing, after her snail dinner crawled out of the cooking pot. The same woman who said on day one that she was afraid of leaves cracked open a snail's shell, used it to bait a hook, and then landed the biggest fish caught this season.

She did squeal in disgust the whole time, and she held the fish at arms length yelling, "Is it dead yet?" and "Somebody help me!" as she walked back to camp. But, once there, she acted like the brave huntress she wanted the others to see her as. Cirie and Shane waited to show her prize to the three reward winners before eating the fish.

On the morning of the Immunity Challenge, Danielle voiced her concerns to Terry about his final two strategy. He said he'd agree to taking the second place finisher of the last immunity challenge to the final vote if he won, provided she agree to do the same. She did, and went to tell the other ladies of the new deal.

They weren't as thrilled as she was. Danielle explained to Courtney that the strategy rewarded hard work, which Courtney interpreted (correctly) to mean that she wasn't considered a hard worker or a tough competitor. And Cirie simply didn't believe Terry would honor the deal, not when he could easily beat Courtney in the final vote. Plus, Cirie knew the new alliance would likely put her in fourth place.

Strategy talk was put on hold for the Immunity Challenge. Each contestant knelt on a plank suspended over water and held onto two ropes that held the equivalent of 20% of their own body weight. Every 15 minutes, 10% of their weight would be added to the ropes. Once they let go of the ropes, they would fall into the water, eliminating them from the challenge.

Shane had a poor grip on his ropes, losing one and then the other before any additional weight was added. Once 15 minutes elapsed and contestants had to hold up 30% of their weight, Cirie took a dive, followed by Danielle and Aras.

Terry and Courtney were evenly matched until 30 minutes elapsed and 10% more weight was added, for a total of 40%. The weight began to pull Courtney up off of her knees, and she lasted less than a minute before losing her grip. Terry won again, saving his hidden Immunity Idol for another day and forcing the original members of Casaya to vote out one of their own.

Upon returning to camp, Cirie executed one of the smartest and most complex voting strategies ever used on Survivor: she successfully convinced the members of three alliances that she was with them solidly.

First, Cirie dealt with Courtney, consenting to vote with her, Danielle, and Terry to eliminate Aras.

Courtney and Cirie then met with Aras and Shane, their original alliance, and both agreed to vote for Danielle. Secretly, Courtney still planned to vote for Aras. But unknown to anyone else (yet), Cirie had no intentions of letting either Danielle or Aras go.

At this point, Shane was sure that four votes would be cast for Danielle, while Terry and Courtney believed that four votes would be cast for Aras.

Knowing that Shane and Terry wanted Courtney as their opponent in the final two, Cirie was determined that Courtney must go. Cirie pulled Aras and Danielle aside and told them that the three of them needed to vote for Courtney, since the other three votes were split between Danielle and Aras.

Aras, Cirie's ally from the beginning, agreed to the plan. Mindful of Danielle's skittish nature, Cirie convinced Danielle that her only way to guarantee lasting another day was to vote for Courtney. And Cirie emphasized that they could not tell anyone of their new plan, especially Shane, unless they wanted him to lose his mind.

The new alliance of three kept their game faces on, surprising Shane, Terry, and especially Courtney at Tribal Council. By successfully deceiving the members of two alliances, Cirie's brilliantly engineered scheme rivalled Rob Cesternino's plan to boot Alex from Survivor: Amazon -- to this point, the benchmark for Survivor strategy.

Next week, Aras and Cirie try to smooth things over with Shane. But how stressed can Cirie be, knowing she just made it a lot harder for Shane or Terry to win, and a lot easier for herself?

Some Bedouin Lovin'

BJ & Tyler crawled out of last place to hang on for one more week of The Amazing Race. But Fran & Barry fell behind in Australia and were eliminated.

Before teams left the Pit Stop in Oman, the penniless Hippies begged rival teams for money, threatening to use a future Yield on any team that didn't pay up. Fran & Barry and Ray & Yolanda each chipped in, but Monica & Joseph felt insulted and only added a blank sheet of paper to the pile of cash.

At least Eric & Jeremy had the courtesy to write a $100 IOU on their hotel stationery.

Fran & Barry were first to leave at 5:35 p.m., nearly three hours ahead of the last-place Hippies. The clue instructed teams to head to the Muscat airport and fly to Perth, Australia. Only one flight left that evening, so there was a good chance the Hippies wouldn't make it.

The four lead teams had there own troubles making the flight. They all got stuck in a traffic jam, thanks to the King of Oman's arrival in town. By the time the Hippies hit the road, they weren't in a rush anyway, so they stopped to pick up a hitchhiker: a Bedouin named Abdul Hamid.

At a gas station, their new buddy Abdul paid for gas, mango juice, and candy bars for the Hippies. He touched foreheads and noses with Tyler, in the Bedouin version of "good-bye." Feeling left out, BJ asked, "Can I get some Bedouin lovin'?" Abdul obliged, and the Hippies were on their way.

The first four teams were seated on the plane and celebrating the Hippies demise, when BJ & Tyler boarded the plane just before takeoff. Fran & Barry and Ray & Yolanda were the only teams to even acknowledge the boys. Joseph just muttered, "I hate the Hippies."

Teams arrived in Perth, where they waited overnight for a 7:30 a.m. ferry from Fremantle to Rottnest Island. They rode tandem bikes up to a lighthouse where they found a Detour clue, directing them to a nearby beach.

The Frat Guys reached the beach first, electing to do a Detour called "Sea." They swam into the ocean and searched 50 crayfish pots, some stocked and some not. Each member returned to the beach with one crayfish, as the clue had specified. The task was easy, and they laughed at the teams who had chosen the other Detour.

"Sand" required teams to drag heavy branches across the beach and pile them up. It was especially tiring after a long bike ride, and worse because teams had to bike back into town when finished. The Hippies, Fran & Barry, and Ray & Yolanda all completed the task.

Monica & Joseph got lost on their way the beach, and then misread their clue and collected only one crayfish, total, before having to go back out in the water to fetch a second. Joseph poetically said, "We are the kings of not reading the clue right and stuff."

Back in Fremantle, the Frat Guys caught an early ferry that got them to their next destination, Fremantle Prison, 45 minutes ahead of the other teams. This was good for Jeremy, who spent almost an hour wandering around lost before he finished his Roadblock.

One member of each team searched prison cells for a Major Brand Name Sponsor's flashlight with Major Brand Name Sponsor batteries, and then found a hidden entrance to some underground tunnels that contained the next clue. By the time the second team arrived, Jeremy was still looking for the entrance to the tunnels.

When he eventually found the tunnels, he was given a choice of spelunking through a dry cave or canoeing through a flooded cave for clues. Jeremy canoed the entire route without finding a clue. When he disembarked and ran through the other cave, he found a clue almost immediately.

The Frats and MoJo were just as stingy with accurate information as they were with their money. Joseph wouldn't tell Tyler if he was searching the right prison cells for flashlights, and Jeremy recommended that Joseph search the tunnels using a canoe.

The location of the Pit Stop was only 1.5 miles away, and locals told Eric & Jeremy to walk to it. After wandering for a while, they realized they should've hailed a cab, but they couldn't find one that was available. They arrived at the Fremantle Sailing Club just as Monica & Joseph pulled up in a cab.

Both teams sprinted to the finish mat, with the Frats narrowly beating MoJo. Phil told Eric & Jeremy they'd won a trip to Hong Kong for finishing in first place. Gracious loser Joseph punched Jeremy in the arm.

Tyler and Yolanda held on to the spirit of cooperation and worked together to find the entrance to the tunnels. When Yolanda found her clue, she yelled, "I'm a badass bitch!" Fran was last to the tunnels.

The last three teams all cabbed it to the Pit Stop, with the Hippies arriving in third and Ray & Yolanda in fourth. Fran & Barry arrived last and were told that it was an elimination leg. They said they look forward to being one of those cute old couples that walks around holding hands, but not for another 30 years or so.

Next week, teams wade into croc-infested waters, and the feud between MoJo and the Hippies intensifies.

A Wonderful Collage Do-Hickey

Filler material dominated the second to last episode of Nashville Star 4. All of the remaining contestants performed before it was announced that Nicole Jamrose had miraculously avoided elimination. Matt Mason took the fall instead.

In addition to the usual guest performance that allows me time to prepare a snack (this week was Hank Williams Jr.), Wynonna's prettier, younger sister Ashley came by to give Wy a sorry excuse for an award. In honor of the occasion, Wynonna decided to wear her girdle on the outside of her clothes.

Wy's record label created a video montage of her, which Ashley introduced by mentioning the "obnoxious" 40 million records Wy's sold. When presenting the award, a framed collection of photos of Wynonna, Ashley said, "Here's a wonderful collage do-hickey." I'm sure it was the touching moment the label had hoped for.

All of the contestants returned home this past week to perform at charity events organized by State Farm. It was a particularly special trip for Nicole, who celebrated her appointment as Hospitality Ambassador for Lake County, Indiana with a trip to the state's finest eating establishment, Red Lobster. It's one of the few Indiana restaurants that require both shoes and shirt for service, so you know it's fancy.

Everyone gave good performances, which they should if they're the four best singers. Casey lost points when he went for cheap votes and "gave the glory to God" after performing one of God's biggest hits, "How Great Thou Art." I'd like to know if God gets an equal share of the blame when Casey has an off night.

Inexplicably, Scott Weiland and Duff McKagan served as guest judges. Duff, who is Keanu Reeves's blond doppelganger, deserves props for actually watching the show - he told Nicole her performance tonight was better than last week's.

Scott Weiland was largely unintelligible, uttering more, "ums" than a debate class full of high school freshman. I'm pretty sure I saw his eyes light up when Matt used the word "cocaine" in his song.

Nicole was the first finalist announced, and the ensuing commercial break gave everyone in the theater a chance to utter a collective "What the fuck?" Chris was announced next, followed by Casey. Matt smiled the whole time, sensing that the jig was up as soon as he heard Nicole was safe. But if Wynonna and Anastasia have anything to say about it, this won't be the last we've heard from Matt Mason. Well, it's probably the last I'll hear of him, since I only listen to country when this show is on.

For next week's finale, Big & Rich return as guest judges. Apparently, the cast of Law & Order: SVU was unavailable, since the show usually grasps for every TV network or music label cross-promotion it can get. The guest performer is Cowboy Troy, again because the cast of Law & Order: SVU was unavailable -- except Ice T, but who wants to hear him? Go to the Nashville Star website to vote for your favorite singer and the song you'd like to hear him or her perform next week.

Blood on the Walls

"I thought she was a star," Donald Trump said several times about Andrea. But the rest of the women of Synergy attacked Andrea like pack of wolves, leaving Trump no choice but to fire her at the end of this week's Apprentice.

It was amazing that Synergy lost, considering Charmaine's determination to see Gold Rush Project Manager Lee fail at almost any cost. But Charmaine's spitefulness proved no match for Andrea's poor graphic design skills and sourpuss attitude.

Teams were given the task of creating a souvenir brochure to raise money for the Statue of Liberty/Ellis Island Foundation. Ameriquest donated $10,000 to the foundation as sponsor of this task, an amount equal to roughly half of the weekly tab that company execs expense at Tavern on the Green for corporate luncheons.

Synergy, led by Allie again, took the ferry to Ellis Island to shoot photos and gather information for the brochure. While trying to fend off Andrea's irrelevant questions, Tammy left her research notebook at the information desk. She and Allie hopped off the ferry to retrieve the book. When they returned to the dock, the ferry was already headed back to Manhattan, leaving them stranded for a couple hours.

This opened the door for Andrea to really screw things up. She'd convinced Allie that she was a "graphics expert," and thus wasted two hours directing a professional graphic designer to create an ugly brochure. Allie and Tammy made it to the office to discover that they essentially needed to start from scratch.

Graceful in the face of criticism, Andrea told Allie, "Just get it done. It'll be perfect. It'll be great," and walked out of the room.

Surprisingly, after five consecutive butt-kickings, Gold Rush had no such problems. Tarek and Michael created a spiffy brochure, and Lee and Charmaine called area hotels, reasoning that if they could get one outfit to buy brochures in bulk, it would be hard to lose.

Energized by their impressive brochure, Gold Rush staked out the sales location early -- the ferry terminal at Battery Park. The captive audience eagerly bought the brochure on their way to Ellis Island. And, later in the day, one of the hotels called Charmaine back and purchased 100 brochures.

Late sleepers Synergy arrived at Battery Park to find that most of the ferry passengers had already purchased from Gold Rush, and those that hadn't weren't interested in their inferior, more expensive product. The team decided to try their luck selling on Ellis Island. Their luck remained bad.

After turning off customers with her whimpering sales pitch, Andrea told Allie that her skills would be better used trying to make bulk sales. "I actually make several million dollars each year in bulk sales," she said. When Allie's head stopped spinning, she told Andrea that she should've brought that up yesterday, instead of an hour before the task deadline.

Gold Rush triumphed, raising $1550 to Synergy's $840. Their reward was a round of golf with super-pro Vijay Singh, who was disappointed that he couldn't personally fire any of them.

In a planning session before the boardroom, Allie, Roxanne, and Tammy tried to persuade Sean to join them in pinning the failure solely on Andrea. The producers told Andrea to go eavesdrop -- er, I mean, Andrea happened to overhear the conversation. She then wandered around muttering, "Those bitches lied about me," until Sean reassured her that at least he wouldn't sell her out.

Allie was undeterred in her quest, promising a slaughter in the boardroom: "There will be blood on the walls. There will be f***ing blood everywhere!" And Trump will bottle and market it to vampires as "Trumpsfusion."

The Synergy girls maintained their united front in front of Trump, portraying Andrea as counterproductive, hard to work with, and a lousy salesperson. Trump's viceroys, daughter Ivanka and son Donald Jr., joined the fray, criticizing Andrea for not mentioning her bulk sales experience when it would've made a difference.

Trump said that, as of a few weeks ago, he never would have considered getting rid of Andrea this soon. But, after what he'd heard in the boardroom, he fired Andrea for wrecking her team's chemistry. He congratulated his viceroys by telling them, "Good job, kids."

Andrea proved that she wasn't a totally unfeeling witch in the cab ride. Through tears and sniffles, she said, "I guess there's a reason why I work by myself." If only she would've shown some emotions earlier, it might have been Allie in the cab instead.

Next week, Sean adds Tammy to his harem.

DWTS Offseason Update: 4-21-06

We've got some time-sensitive Drew news, a possible candidate for Season 3, and the best Mother's Day present you can buy for $600.

Drew Hosts Miss USA (Tonight!)
Tonight, Drew Lachey co-hosts the Miss USA Pageant with Nancy O'Dell. The show airs at 9/8 central on NBC. When asked by People magazine if daughter Isabella might be a future Miss USA, Drew replied, "She can do whatever she wants to do in life, as long as it doesn't require a pole!"

Jam With Cheryl in Las Vegas
Cheryl Burke will be one of many celebrities at this year's Tiger Jam in Las Vegas. The event benefits The Tiger Woods Foundation, as well as numerous other charities. Information on purchasing tickets for the event, including a concert by Sting, is available at the Tiger Jam website.

Stern's Girlfriend on Season 3?
On Howard Stern's Tuesday morning radio program, he revealed details of an offer made to his girlfriend, model Beth Ostrosky, to appear on DWTS 3. According to Stern, the base pay for celebrities is $125,000, with the potential to earn $245,000 if they reach the finale. Drew Lachey reacted to the news by calling the low salary, relative to ratings, "ridiculous."

Mother's Day with the Stars
If you've got $600 to spend on Mom this year, Santa Monica hotels Shutters on the Beach and Casa del Mar promise to Sweep Her Off Her Feet. A special Mother's Day weekend package of spa treatments and ballroom lessons includes a special session with John O'Hurley and Giselle Fernandez on Friday, May 12.

No Deuce. No Bruce.

Exile Island has spent more time focused on excrement than any other season of Survivor. First, Bobby christened the outhouse, and this week, an impacted colon forced Bruce to leave the game.

The episode got off to a rocky start, as Bruce complained of a stomach ache the morning after Sally's elimination. Apparently, he hadn't had a bowel movement in more than ten days -- not since before the Reward trip to the Panamanian village. He said he couldn't "pass a deuce." As a result, he was in so much pain, he was having trouble walking.

He had just enough energy to prepare for the day's Reward Challenge. Castaways were given voodoo dolls to decorate in their own likeness. Cirie used wadded-up vegetation to give her 3-foot-tall doll huge breasts. Danielle used artificial plants for hers.

The challenge itself required the Survivors to answer poll questions about their tribemates. After writing down their answers, everyone turned them into host Jeff Probst, who tabulated the answers. Then, they were asked the same questions again, but needed to answer with what they guessed was the consensus of the rest of the group.

A correct answer earned each contestant the right to cut a one length of rope that withheld a torch from striking an opponent's voodoo doll. After three lengths of rope were cut, the doll would get torched, and its corporeal counterpart was out of the game. A variation of this "choose which of your buddies to knock out" game is played every season, and usually the most liked or feared tribe member is left at the end.

The order in which contestants were taken out by their tribemates wasn't much of a surprise, as Terry fell first, followed by Bruce, Courtney, and Danielle. It was the answers to the questions that surprised several of the castaways:

1. Who does the least around camp - Danielle
2. Who never shuts up - Courtney
3. Who mistakenly thinks they run the show - Shane
4. Who would you trust with your life - Cirie
5. Who wouldn't you trust to watch your back - Terry
6. Who's the biggest poser - Courtney
7. Who's the moodiest - Shane
8. Who succumbs to intimidation - Courtney
9. Who's the most annoying - Courtney
10. Who would never survive on their own - Cirie

Courtney, who's too self-involved to have any idea how she's perceived, was stunned that people thought she was annoying. And Shane, the initiator for every vote and alliance, said he wasn't trying to run the show.

A string of correct answers allowed Cirie to knock Shane and Aras out, winning her and two tribemates of her choosing an overnight trip to a spa. She was also given the choice of who to send to Exile Island. Out of loyalty to her old tribe, she sent Terry away, and then asked Aras and Danielle to join her on the trip, based on prior promises.

Being excluded, despite what he thought was a close friendship with Cirie, sent Shane into a fit. He kicked sand and stomped around, responding to Cirie's sheepish, "I'm sorry," with a pouty, "You are sorry!"

Shane's tantrum and Courtney's stunned expression after hearing her name as the answer to multiple questions gave Cirie, Aras, and Danielle plenty to laugh about as they enjoyed a helicopter ride, mud massages, and more food than even Aras could finish -- though he tried his best to eat everything they were served.

That night at camp, Bruce's abdominal pain became so intense that he asked for medical attention. Courtney tried to soothe Bruce by singing to him, but he was able to whimper, "Don't," saving himself and viewers from further agony.

Paramedics arrived by boat and felt Bruce's condition warranted a trip to the hospital. A totally nude Shane helped carry Bruce on a stretcher to the boat.

The winners of the reward challenge returned in the morning and got the scoop on Bruce from Courtney. Shane started pouting again, until Aras and Cirie reassured him that they would all be in the final four together.

On the morning of what should've been the Immunity Challenge, a boat brought Terry back to camp from Exile Island. Jeff was with him, and he filled everyone in on Bruce's status.

At the hospital, doctors had discovered that Bruce's entire digestive system, including his colon and bladder, was blocked. Bruce would be okay, but he could not return as a competitor. As a result, the day's Immunity Challenge was cancelled. This was effectively an Immunity win for Terry, who likely would have been voted out at Tribal Coucil -- and would have had to use the hidden Immunity Idol to stay in the game.

The doctors planned to evaluate Bruce's condition before the next Tribal Council to determine if he was well enough to serve as a jury member. Jeff didn't clarify what would happen if the answer was no, but Nick, who just missed being a jury member, would be a likely choice to take Bruce's place.

After Jeff left, everyone talked about Bruce as if he were dead. The women cleared debris from Bruce's rock garden and arranged rocks to read, "Bruce" and "Luv U." In place of the customary exit interview to close the show, producers showed footage of Bruce practicing karate on Exile Island.

Next week, Cirie fights with a fish and Shane develops his own, more technically savvy, version of Season One contestant Greg's coconut phone: a BlackBerry handheld device made from a block of wood.

BJ & Tyler of Arabia

Don't worry. BJ & Tyler are still on The Amazing Race. They're just broke and have a whole lot less to carry.

In this week's episode, it didn't take the Hippies long to work their way back into the race from last place. Teams flew from Athens, Greece to Muscat, Oman, where they all waited until the 6 a.m. opening of a park with a giant incense burner.

It's probably safe to assume that most Americans aren't too familiar with Oman (who is not the woman married to David Bowie), and the teams took the time to appreciate the country's cleanliness. Frat Guy Jeremy remarked that even the McDonald's looked like "a temple McDonald's."

When the park opened, teams found a clue that instructed them to drive 135 miles to the city of Sur. Ray & Yolanda fell behind, as their arguing hampered their navigating skills.

All of the teams took things slowly driving across two flooded roadways. At the first flood, a tiny, old guy everyone described as "ripped" guided the vehicles across. Monica said she wanted to take the guy home in her pocket.

With no one to guide them across the second flood, pack leaders MoJo and the Hippies dared each other to go first. The Frat Guys didn't feel like waiting and forded ahead, taking the lead. Tyler prophesied that one day, the Frats would know what it was like to finish last.

Once they arrived in Sur, teams were given a choice of Detours: "Camel" or "Watch Towers." MoJo, the Hippies, and Fran & Barry elected to do "Watch Towers," which required them to find out which of three ancient towers held silver message boxes. Teams would receive their clue after delivering a box to a silver shop one mile away.

The Hippies and Fran & Barry decided not to look in the closest tower first, and were rewarded by finding their boxes on the first try. When MoJo realized how much time they'd already wasted in choosing one wrong tower, they gave up and switched to "Camel."

In "Camel," teams used a pulley system to hoist a camel onto the back of a pickup truck. They then used a hand-drawn map to find a village one mile away, where they received their next clue.

The Frats, who'd chosen to do "Camel" right away and had loaded their animal quickly, misread their map and became totally lost. MoJo found the village right away and were off to their next location, the town of Al Hawiya, 80 miles away.

As the Frats finally delivered their camel, Ray & Yolanda arrived at the Detour. They loaded and delivered their camel with no problem, but they were still well behind the other teams.

In Al Hawiya, a Road Block forced one team member to dig through 107 mounds of sand looking for one of five that hid an underground oven. They had to be careful while extracting the oven's contents, as the woven bag filled with chicken would be their dinner that night.

BJ and Barry were the first to undertake the frustrating task, made worse by the sweltering desert heat. MoJo and the Frats arrived shortly thereafter, and Monica was first to finish. Soon, Barry and Eric found their dinners as well, leaving Tyler with plenty of time to befriend a noisy camel, as BJ struggled to dig through the mounds.

Ray & Yolanda arrived as the Frats left the parking lot. After arriving first and watching all but one team finish before him, BJ started snapping back at Tyler, whose frequent cheers were more grating than encouraging at that point. Yolanda dug in the sand nearby, muttering, "You tell him, BJ."

Yolanda found her bag of dinner next, adding to BJ's misery. He kept digging and eventually found his, but over an hour of strenuous labor had drained his peppy spirit. The teams raced 150 miles to the Pit Stop at Jabreen Castle.

Along the way, the Frats decided to take a short cut, only to discover that the map led them over dirt roads in the middle of nowhere. They lost time backtracking to the highway, and it looked as if Tyler's prophecy from earlier in the show might come true.

MoJo lost time as well by stopping to ask for directions to the castle, which was straight ahead of them. That allowed Fran & Barry to zip by and finish in first place. Their prize was a trip to Rome.

A second place finish was a disappointment for MoJo, and Ray & Yolanda weren't much happier after spending two days at each other's throats. Miraculously, Eric & Jeremy made it back to civilization and finished in fourth, a little wiser after their near-fatal mistake of thinking they could outwit a map.

The Hippies arrived in last, landing on the mat wearing an extra layer of clothing. Their suspicions were right, as this was the first non-elimination of this season. Phil took their backpacks and money, and they will start the next leg with $0.

BJ & Tyler may not have much trouble raising funds next week. They were the only team to learn how to say "Thank you," in Arabic, and a little effort with the language always goes a long way. Plus, they have the advantage of being, in the words of Tyler, "BJ & Tyler of Arabia."

Teams fly to the west coast of Australia next week, where Joseph uses his top-notch motivational skills to keep Monica on task. We'll see if Dr. Phil, Jr.,can come up with something as inspiring as, "Lift up your spirit before I get pissed."

Chill Bumps

Nicole Jamrose may have been spared tonight on Nashville Star, at wee Jared Ashley's expense, but she only earned a one week reprieve. After rocking out every week until now, Nicole decided to slow things down, and the results weren't pretty. She's the next one out, no doubt about it.

Casey Rivers and his skimpy soul patch also slowed things down, but with greater success. He even gave judge Phil Vassar a hybrid of goose bumps and chills called "chill bumps."

Casey's sounded his best on ballads, which leaves some doubt as to whether he can really rock. How does he plan to ease those doubts next week? By performing "How Great Thou Art."

When I think "gospel singer," a white frat guy is not the first image that pops into my head. Prepare for an embarrassing scoop up to the note on the word "soul." That will pave the way for Matt Mason and Chris Young to boot-scoot their way into the final two.

Matt had one of his better performances, singing Johnny Cash's song, "Folsom Prison Blues." He even changed the words to, "I shot a Nashville Star judge just to watch him die," got a laugh from Phil and Anastasia. He needs to keep doing his Johnny Cash impression to keep the nasal quality out of his voice.

Chris blew the other contestants out of the water, even with a forgettable song. His biggest advantage is that he always sounds like Chris Young no matter what he sings, something the others haven't learned how to do yet.

Chris's biggest competition for the night was actually Phil, who, accompanied by the contestants, performed a medley of his hits to promote the upcoming release of his Greatest Hits album. Unfortunately, Phil was so good that it showed just how far the five hopefuls have to go before they sound like pros.

Show sponsor Wal-Mart would like you to know that you can help fund their campaign to quietly destroy smalltown America by trading your foodstamps for Phil's album at the cashwrap of one of their soul-sucking monoliths. While you're there, you can buy a copy of an album by this week's guest performer, Trace Atkins. And I'm sure the band Velvet Revolver has an album available at Wal-Mart, too. Why else would band members Scott Weiland and Duff McKagan be serving as guest judges next week, unless it's to warn the contestants to stay off drugs?

More than one corporate giant used Nashville Star to promote their product. Tonight's guest judge was NBC's Celebrity Cooking Showdown contestant Patti LaBelle. Next week, we'll probably learn that guest performer Hank Williams Jr. has a bit part on Scrubs, and that Wynonna's much cooler sister Ashley, who's stopping by to say hello, is going to be a briefcase holder on Deal or No Deal.

The Next Food Network Star

There's a subgenre of reality shows built on the premise that there are talented people in America who could become stars if only given the chance: American Idol, Project Runway, and Star Search, for example. The Next Food Network Star is proof that the subgenre's premise is wrong.

Landing your own TV show, record deal, etc. typically involves years spent perfecting your craft, jumping through hoops set up by the companies in power, and making sure you meet the right people at the right time.

This reality subgenre bypasses the traditional method. Presumably, everyone cast on these shows has some credentials, but they haven't done the jumping-through-hoops, meeting-the-right-people parts of the process.

But those parts are an integral part of making someone a success. Undertaking the bureaucratic tasks allows time for candidates to find out how to fit into the system. If they fit the system, they are more marketable, and what is more important to large corporations than marketing?

If candidates are not willing to do the work to get a contract the traditional way, they probably don't have the drive to really succeed, even if given the opportunity. And, truthfully, if they were talented enough, someone would've noticed along the way.

This is why few winners of any of these shows have gone on to serious stardom. In five seasons, the only American Idol winner with sustained chart impact is Kelly Clarkson. Bill Rancic, the original Apprentice, is best known for his appearances on subsequent seasons of The Apprentice. And the winners of the first season of The Next Food Network Star, Dan and Steve, have been judged almost universally as failures.

Reggie and Guy, this season's finalists, are no different. Both of them seem like perfectly nice, competent individuals, but they lack that intangible star power. That they were judged the best amongst their competitors is not necessarily an achievement to be proud of.

Guy is an accomplished chef, whose delicious looking cuisine would surely please most restaurant patrons. But his show idea, "Off the Hook," lacks focus and originality.

His spiky hair, loud shirts, and fast paced delivery are meant to convey his exciting personality. But, as he's shown over the course of the show, there's just not that much to Guy. His bold style masks a lack of substance.

This deficiency was most apparent when he pitched his show to Food Network execs. He promised to take a core demographic of 18-35 year olds to the "wild side" of cooking, including how to recreate the fun food they love to eat at concerts and ballparks in their own home.

But he missed an obvious problem with his idea: that demographic eats out so that they don't have to cook for themselves. It's not terribly hard to recreate popcorn and hotdogs, anyway. And he never did define what "wild" means in terms of cooking.

Guy came close to showing us "wild" on last night's two-hour road to the final two. He made sushi rolls without either seaweed or raw fish, he fried up a tequila-marinated turkey breast, and he stirred up an ice cream pie topped with Junior Mints. Until last night, none of his dishes had been close to "wild," so it's hard to believe he really has enough ideas to build a show around.

Reggie's proposed show suffers from a similar lack of focus. "Simply Spectacular," the working title, doesn't describe what the show is about, unlike network stalwarts 30 Minute Meals or Semi-Homemade Cooking. And are those shows any less simple or spectacular than Reggie's?

For a while, Reggie billed his cuisine as Southern comfort food with city style, but his herb-roasted chicken and pot pie didn't waver much from traditional recipes. And focusing on Southern foods would put him in direct competition with reigning queen of the Food Network, Paula Dean. I know who I'm putting my money on in that fight.

Another sensitive problem hurts Reggie's chances for success: his weight. Few of the chefs on Food Network are slim, but Reggie is obese. It's something viewers notice immediately about him, and it may make them wonder, "Is that what his food will do to me?"

It's a tricky problem for the network, and for Reggie, because it's not something that can be solved easily or in a short period of time, and it's not something that can be ignored. On two separate occasions during this season, writers for TV Guide praised ousted contestants Nathan and Carissa for looking fit, saying (without saying) that they looked the part of a TV host. That praise helped Nathan and Carissa coast to spots in the final four with Reggie and Guy.

The same writers emphasized Reggie's great personality, which is code for, "First, we noticed his looks, but he won us over anyway." It's a compliment to Reggie as a person, but it's a signal that he may have to work extra hard to earn an audience.

That said, there's still a good chance that Reggie's engaging personality will triumph over Guy's caffeinated mannerisms and wild food. After filming demo segments of his show, the crew and judges in attendance cheered loudly for Reggie. Guy only received a modest round of applause.

The winner will be determined by audience voting, and will be announced on Sunday night's finale. Cast your vote through Thursday at FoodNetwork.com.

DWTS Offseason Update: 4-13-06

John O’Hurley in Chicago
Season 1 runner-up John O'Hurley has signed on for a limited run with the national tour of the musical Chicago. He'll assume the role of Billy Flynn for the following dates: June 13-18 at the Blumenthal Performing Arts Center in Charlotte, NC; June 20-25 at the Theater of the Stars in Atlanta, GA; June 27-July 2 at the Tampa Bay Performing Arts Center in Tampa, FL.

Stacy's Diva Days Numbered?
Stacy Keibler's absence from April 2nd's Wrestlemania event is being interpreted as a sign that she won't renew her contract with the WWE when it expires in July.

Valentin Chmerkovskiy Wins in Philly
Valentin Chmerkovskiy (Maksim's younger brother) and his partner won the Professional Latin competition at last weekend's Philadelphia Festival Dancesport Championships. Who's that sharply dressed gentleman standing next to the champs in this photo?

Nude Cartoon Characters

At this rate, Terry might win the rest of the remaining immunity challenges on Survivor: Panama - Exile Island. But his bad strategy revealed that he's not as smart as he thinks he is, and it cost Sally, his only ally, her chance at $1 million.

After 22 days on the island, the contestants competed for the perennial videos-from-home reward. Everyone watched a few seconds of footage of their loved ones, including Aras's dad, who has a tepee in his backyard.

Shane broke down at the mere prospect of seeing his son. "He's my everything," Shane said. "He's my best friend. He's my brother." That can only mean that Shane fathered his son...with his own mother!

For the challenge, contestants were split into two teams. Three members of each team used ropes to maneuver a fourth member, who was suspended above the ground, facedown, on a panel of wood. Teams swung the panel so that the team member on it could grab 15 numbered flags around the game area, and then place the flags into corresponding slots on a log.

Aras, Cirie, and Shane jumped ahead early, as they swung Danielle about. But Aras' rope knocked one of the flags out of its slot, halting their progress until Danielle put it back in place. Just after she got it, Shane knocked the same flag out again.

Bruce, Sally, Terry, and Courtney finished their task while the other team fixed their mistakes. The winning team sent Aras to Exile Island, and then snacked on peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and milk as they watched their complete videos.

Aras was excited about being sent to Exile Island, at first. It gave him a chance to search for the hidden Immunity Idol, in case Terry hadn't actually found it. But the clues to the Idol's whereabouts confused Aras, so he gave up and ate a coconut.

Back at camp, Shane seized the opportunity to ask nurse Cirie about a medical problem while the other tribe members were away. He'd developed a rash on his nether region, and dropped his shorts so that the nurse could examine it.

Begrudgingly, Cirie gave his condition a peek. "Shane is like a cartoon character anyway," she said, "and now he's like a nude cartoon character." Through uproarious laughter, Cirie told him that his condition was similar to diaper rash, and had been caused by wearing the same wet pair of underwear for 23 days straight. Shane's remedy was to wear his t-shirt around his waist like a skirt, using the crewneck as a waistband.

At the Immunity Challenge beach, Aras rejoined the tribe. The Survivors were given the option of skipping the challenge to eat cheeseburgers. Bruce, Cirie, Danielle, Courtney, and Shane eagerly took Jeff Probst up on his offer, leaving Aras as the old Casaya tribe's only hope for keeping Immunity out of Terry's or Sally's hands.

Terry, Aras, and Sally swam out to a long plank suspended under water, where they memorized seven symbols attatched on the plank: variations of skulls, candles, and knives. The three competitors then swam back to the beach, where they raced to arrange some symbol-etched blocks in the same order as shown on the plank.

Aras finished first but had the symbols in the wrong order. Terry nailed it on his first try, and Jeff ordered the cheeseburger gang to stop eating. Shane looked forlorn, as a droopy french fry dangled from his frowning mouth.

Sally and Terry tried to sway people to their side by hinting that the hidden Immunity Idol would be played that night. But, since Bruce and Danielle had only briefly glimpsed what Terry claimed to be the idol, and Terry refused to confirm that he even had it, no one committed to joining with them. As a result, Sally was voted off.

The only chance Terry and Sally had to stay in the game together was for Terry to explicitly tell everyone, "Here's the idol and I'm giving it to Sally. Decide amongst yourself who will be voted off." Even if some people voted for Sally and the idol had to be played, one of the gang of six would've been eliminated.

Better still for Terry: give the same speech but don't actually give Sally the idol. If they don't call the bluff, great, but even if they do, they still know it's one of them next, no matter what happens in the next Immunity Challenge.

Next week, Bruce has some serious medical problems. If he has to leave the game permanently, there's a good chance there will be no Tribal Council vote. However, if there is a vote, lots of likely elimination candidates will emerge -- as it looks like Shane is back to his premerge habit of arguing with Courtney and Danielle.

This Is Where Thinking Began

Going into the last 15 minutes of this week's Amazing Race, the only question was whether or not the Hippies would be spared by a non-elimination leg, after falling hours behind the other teams. Their salvation came from another source -- as a lost Lake & Michelle were eliminated.

All six remaining teams left the Pit Stop within three hours of each other, and bunched up at the Siracusa train station. Teams rode the same train to Rome, where they made their way to Trevi Fountain, the landmark made famous by the deodorant commercial in which the crazy girl from Invasion pretends she doesn't understand Italian in order to meet guys.

The fountain's marketability didn't escape the producers of the film version of The DaVinci Code. Teams received a clue and half of a DaVinci-related puzzle from a guy on a scooter. Their clues led them to the second half of the puzzle, which was at the nearby Spanish Steps.

The puzzle was as absurdly simple as any of the mysteries in the original book -- like when the genius main characters took forever to figure out that the best way to read backwards writing is to hold it in front of a mirror. All the racers had to do with their puzzle was lay one piece of vellum on top of another to reveal a secret message, which told them that the first team to bring the puzzle to Phil would win a prize.

Their clue instructed teams to fly to Athens, Greece, and everyone traveled on the same flight. Upon arrival, Monica gushed, "This is where thinking began!" Of Monica, Yolanda said, "I'm not sure there's a lot going on there."

At an ancient marketplace, teams were given the option to follow their clue or pursue the first of two Fast Forwards on the race. In order to complete the Fast Forward and proceed directly to the Pit Stop, teams needed to smash plates at a nearby restaurant to find a small red and yellow flag within the plate.

Luck continued to favor Frat Guys Eric & Jeremy, who found the flag before MoJo and Fran & Barry. The Frats celebrated by breaking the rest of the plates in the restaurant. They drove to the Pit Stop at the Fortress of Rion, where Phil informed them that their prize was a pair of tickets to the Hollywood premiere of The DaVinci Code.

Having elected not to try the Fast Forward, the Hippies, Ray & Yolanda, and Lake & Michelle got on an early train from Corinth. But they got off at the wrong station, violating the rules of the clue. While they were able to take a bus to the correct station, each team would be assessed a 15-minute penalty upon reaching the Pit Stop.

MoJo and Fran & Barry sulked on their train, 45 minutes behind the other teams. Joseph tried to motivate Monica in his own sage way: "Lift your spirit up before I get pissed."

At the Isthmos Station, the five teams still racing met up and reached a Roadblock: bungee jumping. Ray, Tyler, Michelle, Monica, and Fran took the plunge for their teams.

A Detour followed, offering teams the choice of "Herculean Effort" or "It's All Greek to Me." In "Herculean Effort," teams competed in three ancient Olympic sports: discus, javelin, and wrestling. MoJo finished their events just ahead of Ray & Yolanda, and headed for the Pit Stop.

In "It's All Greek to Me," teams collected tiles with nine Greek letters. Guys dressed in togas translated the letters into English, and teams rearranged the letters to form the name of a town on a map of Greece.

Because it was the more tedious option, Fran & Barry elected to rearrange the letters. Lake & Michelle stumbled upon the task while trying to find "Herculean Effort," but decided to just rearrange letters as well. They finished just after Fran & Barry.

On their way to the Detour, Tyler navigated the Hippies in the wrong direction, putting them over an hour behind the other teams. When they arrived, long after the other teams had departed for the Pit Stop, they decided to have fun with the Olympic games. Tyler took off his shirt and got body slammed by a Greek wrestler multiple times before they finally completed the task.

Luckily for the hippies, all of the teams had trouble with directions to the Pit Stop, the Fortress of Rion, which was over 100 miles away. What made the difference was whether teams asked for directions early into the trip or later.

Ray & Yolanda arrived at the Pit Stop in second place, but the penalty they were assessed for illegally riding a bus allowed MoJo to catch up. Because MoJo were not penalized, they were awarded second place behind the Frat Guys, putting Ray & Yolanda in third.

Fran & Barry, the other team not penalized, arrived in fourth place. Perhaps they'll be awarded less money at the start of the next leg to pay for a new back window that Barry broke when he backed his SUV into a tree along the way.

BJ & Tyler arrived in fifth place. Evidently, Lake & Michelle had driven around for a while before asking for help, getting them more lost than other teams. BJ & Tyler endured their penalty and were awarded fifth place.

When Lake & Michelle finally arrived, it seemed that this would be a non-elimination week, as show editors hadn't made much of a deal over the team getting lost and falling behind the hippies. But instead of asking for all their possessions, Phil told Lake & Michelle that they’d been eliminated from the race.

Maintaining her stalwart exterior, Michelle explained that she was aware that her marriage may seem dysfunctional to outside viewers. But, she said, it works for them, and they've got two great kids to prove it.

Leaderboard:
1 – Eric & Jeremy
2 – Monica & Joseph
3 – Ray & Yolanda
4 – Fran & Barry
5 – BJ & Tyler
6 – Lake & Michelle

Next week, Ray takes over Lake's role and starts bickering with Yolanda. Teams travel to the Middle East, where BJ fights heat exhaustion in an effort to dig his team out of last place.

Nashville Sausage Fest

A disturbing trend continued on this week's Nashville Star, as Kristen McNamara became the third consecutive woman eliminated from the show. Judge Phil Vassar summed things up: "This is becoming a sausage fest."

Tonight, contestants performed original songs, and only one of them benefited from it. Chris Young proved that he can write as well as he performs. He's also embraced the fact that he's a hunk, and the camera loves him for it. Now if he'd only embrace the fact that he still has all his hair, he might keep his cowboy hat off for a while.

His slow tune showed off his vocal range, including a nice falsetto. Tonight's guest judge, music producer David Foster, was impressed. He told Chris, "I'm betting you're going to win this thing."

All of the other contestants had trouble writing melodies that suited their voice. It's as if they focused all of their energy on the instruments, and didn't think of their voice as a separate, if not more important instrument.

Jared Ashley took the worst beating from the judges for his tired, redneck-themed song. He gave the first performance of the evening, and Anastasia Brown said, "I'm stunned that you're here, and one of them is going home."

Anastasia reiterated her opinion when she told Kristen, "America made a mistake tonight." It's hard to disagree, as Jared has yet to do anything to distinguish himself. But, with recent history on his side, he'll stick around next week and Nicole Jamrose will be sent home.

The 10,000 Faces of Charmaine

Two hours of The Apprentice led to a big heartbreak: Lenny was fired. He wasn't the only candidate fired tonight, just the only one that mattered.

NBC aired two episodes of The Apprentice tonight because the show will be preempted next week by the two-hour premiere of Celebrity Cooking Showdown. If Trump's Viceroys -- George, Carolyn, and Bill -- were the celebrity contestants, it might be worth watching.

Lenny's demise came at the end of the first episode, another charity task, this one sponsored by Ace Hardware. As a part of Ace's awkwardly named charity wing, "New Faces for Helpful Places," each team had to renovate a recreation room at a Boys & Girls Club.

Gold Rush, led by Lenny, chose music as the theme for their rec room. At another Club, Synergy used a vague lounge concept to encompass karaoke, board and video games, and a "girls" area, denoted by fluffy pink bean bag chairs.

Michael, Synergy's Project Manager, did everything he could to sabotage his team. His trip to Ace to buy paint took twice as long as necessary because he called Sean for a second opinion on every decision. In later interviews, Sean screamed, "Michael is such a wanker!"

But Synergy earned the victory, because their room had something for everybody. Gold Rush's music room looked stark and uninviting, with several expensive keyboards and electronic drum kits shoved up against a wall. Any kid who didn't have an interest in performing music would feel left out.

Lee tried to coach his buddy Lenny on what to say in the boardroom, asking Lenny what the Ace execs were looking for in the rec room. "Sustainability," Lenny answered. "No," Lee said, "creativity." Lenny replied, "Yeah, sustainability."

Charmaine went after Lenny in the boardroom, even criticizing his choice of red for an accent color. Trump pointed at Lenny and said, "You like red because you come from Russia." Thank goodness Lenny's team vetoed his vodka-vending-machine idea, or Trump would've had a field day.

The Russian was fired without being called back to the boardroom. As he said goodbye to his teammates, he brushed off Charmaine because, "you have 10,000 faces." She walked to the elevator protesting, "I never had 10,000 faces, ever."

Cheer up, Lenny fans. His website features lots of pictures, and shirts designed by Lenny and Lee. Proceeds from shirt sales will go to a charity of their choice; let's hope its the Boys & Girls Club, so they can replace those expensive instruments when the kids destroy them.

As the second episode began, the women of Synergy told Michael that he was lucky they won the Boys & Girls Club task, because otherwise he would've gone home. Charmaine confronted Lee about defending Lenny in the last task, to which Lee responded that his loyalty to his friends is unwavering.

When the new task was assigned the following morning, Michael jumped at the chance to join Gold Rush when Trump offered, portending the team's doom. Leslie volunteered to PM Gold Rush, with Andrea back at the helm for Synergy.

In the second sandwich promotion challenge in as many weeks, teams had to sell 7-Eleven's new pizza sandwich, the P'Eatzza. This disgusting abomination replaces the bread of a turkey sandwich with two cold pieces of pizza. Clearly, 7-Eleven execs didn't read this morning's news on obese Americans. Or maybe they think we're not obese enough.

Andrea ignored her teammates' idea to choose a promotional item that related to the sandwich, insisting that they give away hats. While Trump and the viceroys agreed that the hats were stupid, selling the sandwich for $4 allowed Synergy to increase sales at their 7-Eleven by 997%

Gold Rush gave away a more appropriate mini-cooler with their sandwiches, but priced the cellophane-wrapped-heart-attacks at $7.99. For that kind of money, you could buy a Playboy and still have enough left for a Super Big Gulp.

Lee tried to salvage the situation. He told Leslie of the store manager's concerns about the high price, but she ignored him. Then he tried to negotiate a deal with a local business to buy 1000 sandwiches. His efforts failed, and his team only increased revenues by 608%.

In the boardroom, Leslie elected to bring Lee back in with her and sent everyone else to the suite. Citing the importance of price, Lee said, "Who are the most price-sensitive consumers? College kids and senior citizens."

Trump actually said to Lee, "I thought you were going to say something else." In the course of two episodes, Trump made offensive remarks about Russians and Jews. For an encore, Trump plans to bomb London the week he fires Sean.

By bringing in the only person who advocated lowering the price of the sandwich, Leslie left Trump no choice but to fire her. Leslie's biggest regret was that she was fired on her birthday.

When The Apprentice returns in two weeks, teams must design a promotional piece for a forest preserve. I'm planning on wearing my "Lenny for Governor" t-shirt.

In a Bed with Two Strange Men

Terry's offer to give Danielle the Immunity Idol wasn't tempting enough to break up the old Casaya tribe's group of six. Austin paid the price and became the first jury member on Survivor: Panama.

Gathering information from the protective Casayans wasn't easy, but Terry got Shane to divulge his intended final four: Shane, Aras, Cirie, and Courtney. Terry even bet $20 against Shane that it would happen, just to make the piece of information that much more damaging when he told Bruce and Danielle about it later.

Scheming stopped for the Reward Challenge. Survivors were randomly divided into three teams of three. Each team loaded 100 coconuts from a bin into the opposing teams' boats, rowed their own boat to a buoy to retrieve a flag and a net, and then dragged the coconuts from their boat back to the original bin.

Shane, Terry, and Austin seemed like an unbeatable team, prompting Aras to suggest that his team (with Bruce and Sally) combine their coconuts with those of Danielle, Courtney, and Cirie to overload the guys' boat.

As a result, Aras's team won. Bruce and Sally let Aras decide which member of each opposing team would be sent to Exile Island. He chose Austin and Danielle, presuming that she would handle it better, physically and emotionally, than would Cirie or Courtney.

For their reward, Bruce, Sally, and Aras were ferried away the following morning for breakfast in bed. Unfortunately, the canopy bed was out in the open and was soaked from the persistent rain.

Sally's grumpiness over being in a cold, wet bed "with two strange men" went away as soon as breakfast arrived. Bruce marveled over the "out of this world bacon," and they ate until they could eat no more.

As expected, the tales of their feast weren't greeted warmly back at camp. Cirie vowed that if she didn't win a reward soon, "I will die in Panama."

As poorly as Cirie felt, Austin and Danielle were having an even worse time on Exile Island. They took shelter under a tree and used a wet blanket to cover their heads. Both described it as the worst two nights of their lives -- despite these being their first two nights away from Shane for a while.

Austin and Danielle arrived bedraggled and exhausted for the Immunity Challenge, an obstacle course in four stages. During stage one, the first six survivors to dig under a fence and cross the finish line moved on. Sally, Danielle, Courtney, Terry, Shane, and Austin all made it to stage two.

The second part required contestants to solve a brain teaser puzzle, and then navigate though some netting. The remaining La Minans (Sally, Austin, and Terry) all qualified for round three.

The three remaining castaways had to race across a bridge made of two ropes. To help them cross, each racer had two wooden planks they could lay across the ropes. Castaways stood on one plank, placed the other plank in front of them, stood on that plank, picked up the old plank, set that plank in front, and so on. Terry and Sally crossed the bridge first, eliminating an exhausted Austin from the final round.

In the finals, Terry navigated a series of tunnels a few seconds faster than Sally, giving him his second individual immunity in a row.

At camp, Terry confided to Sally and Austin that he possessed the Immunity Idol from Exile Island. He proposed offering the idol to Danielle in exchange for her switching sides. If she switched, it would be easy to convince Bruce to switch as well.

Meanwhile, Aras suggested that his voting block cast their votes for Sally, assuming that, if Terry had the idol, he might give it to Austin. Then whomever the La Minans voted for (presumably Shane or Aras) would be going home.

Courtney argued that it was foolish not to get rid of Austin while they had the chance. When Aras refused to budge, Courtney stormed off. She, Danielle, and Cirie agreed that they wouldn't be particularly sorry if Aras did go home.

At Tribal Council, Danielle stuck with her original tribe members, who overruled Aras and voted for Austin. After a few tense moments, Austin grabbed his torch: Terry had decided to keep the idol for himself.

While it may seem like keeping the idol wasn't the most generous thing for Terry to do, he's the only original La Mina member with a chance to make it to the end. Saving Austin would've only bought them one more week, and Terry has to suspect he won't continue his dominance for six more immunity challenges.

Next week, Shane drops his pants to ask nurse Cirie about some chafing issues. I can only assume that Cirie is the mystery castmember who will be taken away on a boat due to a medical condition -- as was promised in show previews a few weeks back. I'd get sick if Shane dropped trou in front of me, too.

Jingo, Jango, Jurino...Jagino!

Following in the footsteps of Season 7's Chico Lolo, Jagino the Sicilian fishmonger became famous thanks to pairs of stinky Americans yelling his name as they carried swordfish around an outdoor market. Nerds Dave & Lori lugged around their catch of the day for nothing, as they were the latest team eliminated from The Amazing Race.

As this leg of the race began, hippies BJ & Tyler had a two hour lead on the second place team, frat guys Eric & Jeremy. The hippies arrived in Catania, Sicily, with enough time to write an obviously fake "Official Team Sign-up" sheet and post it at the gate of a ruined Roman amphitheater, which didn't open until 8:30 a.m.

They watched from their car as Frat Guys Eric & Jeremy signed their names to the sheet. The Frats gave the sheet a second look, and then knew it was bogus once they noticed the Hippies nearby, in hysterics.

Although they had to wait for the ruins to open, the two lead teams got a jump on the competition, who all got stuck in rush hour traffic and didn't arrive at the theater by opening time. After a simple task, counting 41 heads on fenceposts around the theater, both teams chose a Detour option called "Big Fish," which required them to carry a 32-pound swordfish several blocks to Jagino's market stall.

The task was easy for them, but not so for third place MoJo. Monica struggled to carry the heavy, bloody fish as Joseph tried to call out the fishmonger's name: "Jingo! Jango! Jurino!" She stopped several times to cry before they found Jagino.

Fran & Barry were the only team to choose the other Detour option, "Little Fish." They took over a market stall and sold four kilos of small fish in order to receive their clue. The sight of Monica in tears was confirmation that they'd chosen the right task.

Nerds Dave & Lori left the Pit Stop nearly 10 minutes ahead of last place team Ray & Yolanda. But, upon approching Catania, Dave refused to ask for directions, despite Lori's insistence. By the time he stopped to ask for help, Ray & Yolanda had already reached the first clue.

After finishing their fishy tasks, teams drove to Siracusa, where they encountered a Road Block. One team member had to hop in a kayak and join a water polo game played on a section of the local river. Teams could walk to the Pit Stop as soon as their water polo player scored a goal.

The Frats pulled ahead of the Hippies during the drive to Siracusa, and finished quickly, despite Jeremy initially forgetting his paddle on the dock. Jeremy scored a goal before BJ was even in his kayak.

Phil waited at the Pit Stop near a natural spring, accompanied by a local marching band. When the Frats arrived, Phil remarked on their fishy smell. Jeremy explained that the scent was a new cologne called "Sword." The team's first place finish earned them a cruise vacation.

All the teams stayed in the same order from the Detour to the Pit Stop, which left Dave & Lori in last place. Their elimination wasn't all bad. If this had been a non-elimination leg, they could've been forced to wear their smelly fish-clothes for the rest of the race. Dave & Lori held their heads high, knowing they'd raced well and had the experience of a lifetime.

Leaderboard:
1 - Eric & Jeremy
2 - BJ & Tyler
3 - Monica & Joseph
4 - Fran & Barry
5 - Lake & Michelle
6 - Ray & Yolanda
7 - Dave & Lori

With six episodes remaining, and presumably only two more teams to eliminate before the finale, expect things to get pretty complicated over the next few episodes. We've yet to see a true non-elimination leg, where a team is stripped of their money and possessions, so it's a good bet that next week will be the first.

Also, we've yet to see a Fast Forward opportunity, so expect at least one in the coming weeks. There is one Yield opportunity remaining, and in past seasons, Yields have often occurred on non-elimination legs. Unless the first team to arrive exercises their Yield option, the Frats and Hippies may continue to trade the first and second place spots until the finale.

Next week, teams travel to nearby Greece, where Fran must overcome her fear of bungee jumping. Tyler develops some new fears of his own while wrestling a guy in a loincloth during some ancient Greek games.

DWTS Update 4-5-06

Maksim Speaks
Maksim Chmerkovskiy, who's been laying low since Dancing with the Stars wrapped, made his first post at his own website's forum. Here's an excerpt:

"It was very nice to see that there are people out there that look past my 'russian asshole' face and see that I am not a bad guy. As a dancer one must be emotional and expressive and god knows I have no problem with it when I dance. My problem starts when music shuts off and I am off the dance floor."

He promises to post more pictures and respond to questions through the forum.

Burping with the Stars
Fame certainly has its privileges. Tom Bergeron emceed the ultimate celebrity burp-off competition during Nickelodeon's Kids Choice Awards on April 1. Justin Timberlake out-belched Hugh Jackman, earning Wolverine a pie to the face.

No Dancing at the Daytime Emmys
Kelly Monaco says dancing isn't part of her hosting duties at the Daytime Emmys. However, fans shouldn't be too upset, since they'll be treated to a musical performance by General Hospital legend, Rick Springfield.

Great Balls of Lukewarm

Guest judge Naomi Judd let contestants have it on tonight's episode of Nashville Star. Melanie Torres was eliminated, as the voting audience continued to pick off the women.

To her credit, Naomi did offer some helpful professional insight, throwing around terms like "resonance" and "vocal timbre." But she didn't hold back on catty remarks, telling Kristen she needed tips on how to do her hair and makeup.

In response to Casey Rivers' lame version of "Great Balls of Fire," Naomi offered her best line: "Sounds more like 'Great Balls of Lukewarm'."

Chris Young was the only standout performer among the men. He finally realized that women respond favorably to good-looking guys who can sing, and started playing to the ladies in the audience. Now that he's adopted that approach, it's his competition to lose.

The best female performer of the night was Nicole Jamrose, who narrowly beat Melanie to stay in the competition. Nicole took a risk singing "Thing Called Love," a song that suits her voice but obviously invites comparison with Bonnie Raitt. Nicole held her own, turning out a strong rendition, without sounding like an imitation of the woman who made the song famous.

Judge Anastasia Brown said that Nicole was the best woman in the competition, but the voting audience obviously favors Kristen McNamara. Kristen performed the over-covered "How Do I Live Without You," which, coincidentally, was also performed on tonight's American Idol. Kristen might deserve to be kicked off just for picking that song.

Jared Ashley and Matt Mason both sounded nasally, and one of them will probably wind up in the bottom two next week.

As for what else will happen on next week's show, I have no idea. Wynonna couldn't concentrate during the show's closing moments, because her mother was onstage with her. And Troy was equally distracted, because something shiny was onstage near him. They mumbled something about next week's show, but their delivery was so off, I couldn't tell what they said.

Hopefully, the wardrobe department will put Wynonna in something more flattering next week. The bell sleeves of her blouse invited Kool-Aid Man comparisons. And then her mother said, "You're the best Hostess since Twinkies." And...oh, hell.

Trump Doesn't Scare Me

Bryce doused himself with gasoline and handed Donald Trump the lighter for a spectacular boardroom suicide on tonight's Apprentice. The blaze ended with Bryce's snotty taxi cab confession: "It wouldn't hurt Trump to listen once in a while."

This week's task was a disaster waiting to happen. Teams had to write a jingle to promote Arby's Chicken Naturals sandwiches. Arby's execs didn't specify what their competitors' "unnatural" chicken sandwiches are made of.

Before the task had even been announced, Gold Rush was off to a bad start. Bryce called a team meeting to air any bad feelings. Tarek's belief that he's been unfairly targeted in the boardroom because he's the player to beat earned him a reaction that was equal parts outrage and "Huh?"

Then Lee announced that he couldn't participate in the task because of Yom Kippur, effectively garnering him a pass from the boardroom. If Tarek was really smart, he'd find some obscure foreign holiday and take it off, just to avoid being Trump's whipping boy for a week.

After receiving their assignment, Gold Rush arrived 25 minutes late for a meeting with the Arby's execs. When the CEO asked Bryce if they'd gotten lost, Bryce responded with a nonsequitur: "Did we get lost? Leslie has some questions for you guys."

The execs called Bryce on his attempt to dodge the question, so he clarified that he didn't know they were running late because he didn't know what time the meeting was. To make matters worse, he didn't even apologize.

When it came time to work on the jingle, the team learned that Lenny was useless for the task. After explaining that jingle bells are not required for a jingle, and then hearing him sing, they found him a spot on the couch far away from the piano.

Tarek wrote a corny, hoedown-meets-The-Andrews-Sisters melody that the group approved because they didn't have any better ideas. Bryce decided his talents were best put to use sitting on the couch next to Lenny, leaving Charmaine and Leslie to write all the lyrics.

Gold Rush's half-hearted effort was no match for Roxanne's catchy rock number, which Synergy Project Manager Sean approved immediately. The death blow was that Synergy's jingle mentioned that natural chicken was only available at Arby's. (Again, if that's true, then what unholy creation dies to make a McChicken?) When approving Charmaine's and Leslie's lyrics for Gold Rush, Bryce didn't notice that his team had neglected to mention this fact, which the Arby's execs had emphasized.

Synergy's reward was a 6-course truffle dinner that retailed for thousands of dollars per person. Allie spent the meal fawning over Sean's accent, while Sean smothered the women with compliments, cheek kisses, and hand-holding. Meanwhile, Michael rolled his eyes.

In preparation for the boardroom, Bryce rallied the troops again, promising not to backstab or humiliate any of them. Because the editors included this proclamation, it seemed clear that Bryce would not adhere to it.

When asked by Trump why Gold Rush lost, Bryce glossed over Tarek's stupid song and Charmaine's and Leslie's lousy lyrics. Instead, he immediately blamed Lenny for not contributing to the final product. It didn't occur to Bryce that he and Lenny contributed roughly the same amount. And at least Lenny had tried to help, though he said that converting his clever Russian rhymes to English was "crap."

Trump asked Lee if he should be fired for skipping the task to observe a religious holiday. Lee didn't bite, saying that he couldn't ignore his religion just for the show, but that sometimes life is unfair.

Mistakenly, Bryce took this as a sign from Trump to bring Lee into the boardroom, along with Lenny. When Trump asked, "Do you really think I'm going to fire Lee?" Bryce replied that he was sure Lee wouldn't be fired. Carolyn asked, "Why don't you just say, 'Fire me, Mr. Trump'?"

Upholding some moral code understood only by him, Bryce continued to defend his decision not to bring in Charmaine or Tarek instead of Lenny and Lee. As time passed in the boardroom, Bryce became more shrill, sarcastic, and defensive, much like his attack on Lenny during the car dealer task.

Trump didn't appreciate Bryce's frequent interruptions, and was especially furious that he brought Lee into the boardroom. Bryce was fired, and Carolyn and Bill agreed that it was a particularly easy decision.

Departing in his cab, Bryce said, "Trump doesn't scare me. Neither does Carolyn. Neither does Bill. The best candidate is sitting in this cab, and Mr. Trump's going to realize that." The camera cut to credits, but returned so that Bryce could grumble, "It wouldn't hurt Trump to listen once in a while."

With one delusional egomaniac who won't acknowledge his own faults gone, will Gold Rush be able to win despite Tarek, their other delusional, faultless egomaniac? Next week's charity-related task may not even be enough to turn this grumpy bunch of losers into functional adult members of society.