We're Heathens

It was merge week on Survivor: Panama - Exile Island. All ten remaining castaways pretended to get along until the members of the old Casaya tribe ganged up to vote off Nick.

The morning after voting out Dan (which happened three weeks ago in viewer time), the last three La Mina men, Terry, Austin, and Nick, received instructions to pack up camp and row to Casaya's beach. Sally, who was still on Exile Island, was picked up in a separate boat.

Casaya was eating rice for breakfast when they noticed the three men rowing toward them. They quickly gorged on the rest of their rice because, as Aras put it, "We're heathens, and we didn't want to share."

La Mina didn't have a clue of Casaya's true feelings, as their hosts quickly finished chewing and greeted them warmly at the beach. Sally was soon dropped off, and everyone enjoyed a crate full of wine and snacks as one big, happy family.

As soon as the snacks were gone, Terry approached Bruce about switching sides, as the ex-La Minans were outnumbered, 6-4. Shane and Aras witnessed the discussion from afar, and later tried to pump up Bruce's ego to make sure he didn't take Terry up on his offer.

Bruce was having a great time being the most powerful man at camp, until Nick hit him the face with a machete. It was an accident, of course, but the blow chipped a tooth and gave Bruce a nice gash on his lip.

Alas, Bruce was not the immobile figure ferried away by medical staff in the middle of the night that CBS has been hyping in their Survivor promos. Though I've had trouble imagining what could be more serious than a head wound from a machete blade.

The new tribe decided on the name "Gitanos," apparently in honor of the brand of blue jeans ("Jordaches" was their second choice). Art teacher Bruce painted the tribe flag -- with blood from the wound on his face! Or paint.

Terry broadened his pool of potential recruits when he approached Shane and Cirie with the ridiculous offer to "take the burden of Tribal Council" off of them for the next two weeks. Shane and Cirie laughed about it, and told Terry he wasn't in a position to offer them anything. Cirie equated Terry to a dictionary salesman, and herself to someone who already had a set of encyclopedias.

At the Immunity Challenge, contestants had to hang from a horizontal wooden post by their arms and legs for as long as possible. Looking like pigs on a spit, almost everyone dropped within 13 minutes, especially after Jeff Probst told them there was no food to tempt them down later, as has happened in past seasons.

The three most vulnerable people, Austin, Nick, and Terry, were the last on the pole. Austin made a big show of struggling to hang on, later admitting at Tribal Council that he was trying to fool people into thinking he was the weakest of the three. After 30 minutes, he realized Terry and Nick weren't going to budge and he dropped to the ground.

Nick made it to 46 minutes before falling off, and Terry was awarded the macramé immunity bib.

Back at camp, Shane irritated the former La Minans by loudly announcing a gathering of the old Casaya tribe to discuss how they would vote. Sally, Terry, Nick, and Austin agreed to vote for Shane just to get under his skin.

At Tribal Council, Cirie said she would be "flabbergasted" if any of her old teammates switched sides. Her intuition was right, as Bruce stuck with Casaya and voted Nick off the island. After this week's episode, everyone who remains will either be a member of the jury or one of the final two contestants competing for $1 million.

Nick's well-rehearsed parting words were a plea to directionless twentysomethings to take the time to find out who they really are. According to Nick, self-knowledge can be achieved by turning off your iPod and not eating "for a while."

Nick is the slacker bodhisattva.

Next week, Terry admits to Sally that he found the hidden Immunity Idol on Exile Island. The entire tribe gets wind of the news and discusses whether it's true and, if so, what to do about it.

DWTS Update: 3-29-06

Drew News
Drew Lachey had a busy week, and Star Magazine was there to cover it all. Drew’s wife, Lea, gave birth to a baby girl, Isabella Claire, on Thursday, March 23. And it was announced that Drew will host this year’s Miss USA pageant. The pageant airs on NBC on Friday, April 21.

Max's Charity
Some of Max's students were featured on DWTS, but he's also on the board of directors of Dance Team USA. The organization works to encourage youth participation in Dancesport in America. They participate in a number of events each year, the next one being the Philadelphia Festival Dancesport Championships in April.

Lisa Rinna: The New Face of Tupperware
According to her MySpace blog, Lisa is spending some time this week helping launch the new line of Tupperware products. That's an endearingly goofy product brand to endorse, which makes me like Lisa that much more.

Do the Math

USA Network's celebration of country music and cross-promotion continued on this week's episode of Nashville Star. USA plugged its Monday night wrestling program, and Monique LeCompte was eliminated from the competition.

Kenny Rogers got the show off to a surreal start, as his bad plastic surgery distracted from an uptempo, solo version of "Islands in the Stream." He closed out the show with an uninspiring new song, "I Can't Unlove You." Perhaps he can rework the song to promote his chain of chicken restaurants: "I Can't Unroast You."

To promote USA's Monday Night Raw, the reigning WWE champ, John Cena, filled in as guest judge. Kudos to John for showing up despite having taken multiple blows to the head from a sledgehammer the night before.

Last week's guest judge, Larry the Cable Guy, contributed nothing to the show. But John Cena earned his place at the judges' table when he told the evening's first performer, Jared Ashley, "I've watched this show the last two weeks, and TV does you no justice." It was nice to see a guest judge who's actually been following the competition.

Cena wasn't afraid to criticize contestants, either. After Kristen McNamara's rendition of "This One's for the Girls," he told her that he didn't believe her performance. "You're singing about women's empowerment. I didn't believe you felt it."

Judge Anastasia Brown handed out some criticism of her own. She urged Matt Mason to stop picking songs just because he likes them, and start thinking about what his fans want to hear.

Casey Rivers made the bold decision to perform without the backup band, and the judges felt the gamble paid off. Later, Chris Young gave what Anastasia called a "smooth" performance, but she said, "Casey took the bigger risk. There's only one winner, so you do the math."

Chris's style and vocals still make him the lead contender among the men, with Nicole Jamrose is at the top for the women. She's the only singer with anything close to gritty vocals, she hits no sour notes, and her authentic country style is a far cry from the pop polish of her female competitors.

Next week, Sara Evans performs and Naomi Judd serves as guest judge. Matt could be on the chopping block after his nasally performance this week, as could Jared, who always sounds like he's doing an impression of a song's original vocalist. Or it could be Melanie Torres, who's talented, but can't compete with Nicole's vocals or the buzz Kristen is generating.

I'm Coming Like Christmas

Luck finally ran out for the perky girls of the Pink team, Dani & Danielle. Lake & Michelle yielded the girls, putting an end to their Amazing Race.

This week's leg started in Munich, Germany. Frat Guys Eric & Jeremy were the first team to leave at 2:15 a.m. Their clue instructed them to fly to Palermo, Sicily, via Rome. Ticket counters at the airport were closed for the night, but the guys learned from airport information that the first flight to Rome left at 6:35 a.m.

Hippies BJ & Tyler arrived at the airport an hour later, along with Lake & Michelle, who headed immediately for the public internet terminals. The Frats and Hippies killed time racing in wheelchairs through an improvised obstacle course.

After BJ lost his wheelchair race with Eric, the Hippies also researched flights on the internet. Lake and Michelle found themselves frustrated, because the airline's site was in German. The Hippies, however, figured out how to change the webpage's language to English, and they booked seats on the 6:35 flight. By the time Lake & Michelle figured out the website, the flight was booked.

The Frats successfully opted for standby tickets on the earliest flight, but Lake & Michelle settled for a flight that left at 9:30. Here's the order in which all the teams left the airport:

1st Flight to Rome - Hippies, Frats
2nd Flight to Rome - Lake & Michelle, Fran & Barry, MoJo, Nerds
3rd Flight to Rome - Ray & Yolanda, Pinks

1st Flight to Palermo - Hippies (arrived at 10:15 a.m.)
2nd Flight to Palermo - Frats (unknown arrival time)
3rd Flight to Palermo - Fran & Barry, MoJo, Nerds (arrived at 1:15 p.m.)
4th Flight to Palermo - Lake & Michelle, Ray & Yolanda, Pinks (arrived at 2 p.m.)

When teams arrived in Palermo, their first clue instructed them to drive to a seaside village and look for a cluebox along the waterfront. Because the box was incredibly obvious, Fran & Barry walked by it several times before finding it.

The cluebox held a Detour: "Foundry" or "Laundry." "Foundry" required teams to lug a heavy metal bell up hundreds of stairs to a church. In "Laundry," teams searched 2400 articles of clothing hanging on lines for one of 16 articles with a red and yellow tag sewn on the inside.

After having luck with the Russian dolls two episodes ago, the Hippies decided to search the laundry. When they found a tagged piece, they affected their best Super Mario Brothers accents: "That-a didn't take a long-a time."

The Frats also searched the laundry, observing that one of the items looked like "Phil's turtleneck." They succeeded, and the next clue directed them to the site of an ancient amphitheater -- which doubled as the site of this season's first Yield.

Monica & Joseph (MoJo) and Ray & Yolanda were the only teams to choose the "Foundry" Detour. Both teams finished the task rather quickly, with Joseph and Ray doing most of the heavy lifting.

Fran & Barry lost time looking for the cluebox and were still searching laundry when Nerds David & Lori arrived. Fran & Barry finished and moved on, and the Nerds' patience started to wear thin.

After initially having trouble figuring out their stick shift, the Pinks caught up with the Nerds and with Lake & Michelle, who bled time searching the streets for the laundry. Eventually, the Nerds found a tagged shirt. They were soon followed by Lake & Michelle, which left the Pinks in last place, again.

After teams parked near the old amphitheater, they needed to hike nearly a mile uphill to find the cluebox. There, they had the opportunity to Yield another team, forcing that team to wait a predetermined amount of time before continuing with the task. None of the early teams exercised the Yield option.

The next clue was a Roadblock. One team member had to build a replica of a Greek statue from disassembled pieces. However, there were two extra pieces that didn't fit with the statue, and were just thrown in to confuse teams. Tyler wasn't fooled. Upon assembling his statue, he said, "Maybe these extra pieces are just extra pieces!"

Tyler received the team's final clue of the leg, and he and BJ headed to the Pit Stop. They walked back down the hill to the ruins of an ancient temple. Tyler told Phil he hoped that their prize for coming in first place was "pizza pie." Phil told them it was actually a digital imaging hardware and software package, eliciting the enthusiastic response, "Whoa! Digital Imaging!"

As Eric assembled the statue for the Frats, Jeremy helpfully offered to remove his shirt and pose as a demonstration model. The statue's extra pieces didn't trick Eric either, and the guys finished quickly. But they were disappointed in their second place finish for the leg.

Monica was the first statue builder to get hung up on the extra pieces, although only momentarily. MoJo came in third.

Fran & Barry were next. As they made their way to the Pit Stop, they met up with Lake & Michelle, who had gone to the temple instead of the amphitheater. Lake asked where the cluebox was, and Barry refused to tell him, even though it wouldn't have hurt his team.

Lake & Michelle eventually found the right path to the amphitheater, and they noticed the Pink team pulling into the parking lot. By then, the Nerds had already arrived, and Lori was assembling her statue. Lake & Michelle, unaware that Ray & Yolanda were also behind them, yielded the Pinks.

Lake decided to tackle the puzzle because, in his words, "I'm a dentist. I'm good with my hands." He quickly assembled the statue, as Lori -- convinced that the two extra pieces were required -- started to melt down. Only after taking her statue apart several times and breaking down in tears did she realize the pieces were red herrings.

Lori wasn't the only one in tears. As the Pinks waited out their Yield, they welled up, too. When it was finally time for the Pinks to start their puzzle, they realized that they weren't in last place. That dishonor belonged to Ray & Yolanda, who were finally arriving the amphitheater, after having some major navigation issues on the road.

Danielle was well on her way to assembling her statue by the time Ray started on his. But as Ray made up time, he started to trash-talk her, good-naturedly: "Uh oh. It's getting close, Danielle. I'm coming like Christmas."

Ray finished first, and he and his speedy girlfriend, Yolanda, raced down the hill to the Pit Stop. Danielle soon completed her statue, but she and Dani had no hope of catching up to Ray & Yolanda. The Pinks were eliminated, breaking the Frat Guys' hearts.

Leaderboard:
1 - BJ & Tyler
2 - Eric & Jeremy
3 - Monica & Joseph
4 - Fran & Barry
5 - Lake & Michelle
6 - David & Lori
7 - Ray & Yolanda
8 - Dani & Danielle (eliminated)

Next week, teams have to sell fish to the Sicilians, and Monica suffers the emotional breakdown of the week.

Was That a Shipwreck?

After two crappy commercials and a few lost diamonds, this week's Apprentice ended with Trump firing Gold Rush Project Manger Dan. Even though Dan managed his team to a loss, he didn't deserve to go before the world's stupidest genius, Tarek.

This week's task was to promote Norwegian Cruise Line's (NCL) new "Freestyle Cruising" program. Freestyle cruisers can dine or use the ship's workout facilities whenever they want -- as if gorging on free crab legs for a week straight isn't exercise enough.

Teams had to film a 30-second commercial while onboard one of NCL's liners, the Norwegian Jewel. They had three hours to film before the boat left port.

Dan led Gold Rush with a frenzied style, yelling and gesturing as he rapidly tried to execute Lenny's idea involving a shipwrecked man rescued by the Norwegian Jewel. The idea violates rule #1 in the cruising industry: don't remind the customer that the boat might sink.

Dan shrugged off Lenny's plan to tell the castaway's story through a voiceover, and instead used Tarek's idea of subtitles. The end result was a confusing spot that left the NCL executives wondering why the lead actor had seaweed on his head.

Synergy’s commercial wasn't much better. They contrasted traditional cruises with the new "Freestyle" program by showing black and white footage of an unhappy couple being served champagne, followed by color footage of people having fun at all hours on the Norwegian Jewel. It was amateurish, but at least its message was clear -- and it had a voiceover, so that people not actively watching the commercial would at least still hear it.

During the task, Andrea did her best to derail Project Manager Roxanne's efforts. Still smarting from Roxanne's recent boardroom assertion that Andrea wasn't as good a leader as Tammy, Andrea objected to all of Roxanne's proposals -- good or bad -- throughout the task.

Somehow, Andrea convinced herself that her objections were in the best interest of the team, not in the name of petty retribution. She was so focused on getting Roxanne fired that Andrea actually looked disappointed when Synergy won.

Maybe the task's reward, $30,000 worth of diamonds, cheered Andrea up. But probably not, since she had Roxanne to thank for it.

Synergy was taken to a Brink's warehouse to learn about diamonds. Inside of a vault containing over $100 million in diamonds, an expert instructed the team on how to carefully inspect the gems. The candidates struggled with their tweezers, accidentally flinging several diamonds onto the floor. Once they were able to get a grip on the stones, each member was allowed to pick a diamond to take home.

Before Gold Rush headed to the boardroom, Tarek strategized with Dan. The plan was to point the finger at Lenny and Lee. But Tarek reminded Dan that, inside the boardroom, no one was his friend.

That comment made it easier for Dan to bring Tarek back in with him once everyone blamed Tarek's worthless text for their loss. Dan stuck with the plan to bring Lee as well, although no one understood exactly how Lee contributed to the team's failure.

This season, Trump's favorite criterion for firing people is to axe Project Managers who don't bring obvious choices into the boardroom. Trump felt that Lenny belonged in the boardroom for suggesting the original shipwreck idea, and Dan was fired for declining to bring Lenny in.

This firing strategy allowed the weakest competitor to continue. Despite three trips to the boardroom, and after making major mistakes during tasks, Tarek is still in the game. There's no way an employer would tolerate that, especially if it came at the expense of a first time offender like Dan. Tarek has no chance of winning, and his presence reminds viewers of that, week after week.

The only reason Trump keeps Tarek around is to toy with him. Trump makes witty remarks like, "I think the Mensa people should change the test." We already understand that Tarek isn't as smart as he thinks he is. It's time for Trump to move on to a new joke.

Next week, the candidates sing, and the show moves to 10 p.m. Eastern time. Since my NCAA bracket was decimated this weekend, I may actually tune into The Apprentice instead of basketball.

DWTS Update: 3-22-06

DwtS Takes Over the Daytime Emmys
Tom Bergeron and Kelly Monaco have been selected to host the Daytime Emmy Awards. Additionally, Kelly was nominated in the Outstanding Lead Actress in a Drama Series category for her role on General Hospital. Her fellow DwtS alumna, Lisa Rinna, is nominated for Outstanding Talk Show Host. The Awards show airs April 28 at 8 p.m. EST on ABC.

Max's Website
DwtS pro Maksim Chmerkovskiy's official website is finally up and running, although it's a little light on content at the moment. They do have a forum for the Max-obsessed, where forum member LuvDance posted a link to this provacative photo of Max in competition.

Lisa Rinna Freaks Out Over Oil Painting
One of the Google Ads on our own Unofficial DWTS3 Fantasy Casting Contest advertised a website featuring Keanu Reeves art. Intrigued, I went to My DaVinci, and there was a clip of Lisa freaking out on Soap Talk over a painting of her with her mom. The clip is good, but not as cool as this picture of Keanu.

If anyone was able to make it to the Cheryl Burke meet-and-greet in Santa Monica last week, drop us a line. We'll post your comments in next week's DwtS update.

You Say You Want a Revolution

Shy Blakeman just wasn't country enough, so he was the first contestant to fall victim to viewer votes on Nashville Star.

Guest performer Gretchen Wilson provided the theme for this season's second episode, entitled "Redneck Revolution" in honor of her current tour. It's an unfortunate name. The last time the 'necks revolted, we called it the Civil War.

The theme lent itself to a night of caricaturing the traditional themes of country music. Instead of heartfelt lyrics or vibrant melodies, contestants sang about drinkin', trucks, and fried chicken. Family values, straight from the heartland.

'Neck night was also the only way to work comedian Larry the Cable Guy into the show to promote his new movie. His comments as a guest judge were nothing but bits from his act, although he did thank contestant Chris Young for lending him a razor.

As co-host Cowboy Troy announced the singers moving on to the next round, he didn't specify whether he was announcing them in order of highest vote-getters, or if he was reading them randomly. But all of the real contenders went first, so this appears to be the current pecking order:

Matt Mason
Nicole Jamrose
Jared Ashley
Melanie Torres
Chris Young
Casey Rivers
Monique LeCompte
Kristen McNamara

Shy Blakeman was left off of the list, as his bare-footed, long-haired style failed to resonate with fans. Judges Phil Vassar and Anastasia Brown were disappointed, as they'd been looking forward to his performance. Anastasia caught part of his rehearsal and said he channelled Lynyrd Skynyrd.

Watch for Monique to follow Shy next week. After two performances, she hasn't shown that she can rock. Her vocal style is more suited to "Singing in the Rain" than singing about beer.

Although Kristen was in the bottom two, her powerful performance of Reba McEntire's song "Fancy" earned the respect of the judges. Anastasia's words of advice were, "Don't change who you are, just what you're wearing." Apparently, red tube tops aren’t in fashion anymore.

Next week, the contestants will be overshadowed by guest performer Kenny Rogers. I’m hoping to hear "Lady," but I'll be happy if he and Wynonna duet on “Islands in the Stream.” That is what we are, after all.

You See That, Peter?

Wanda & Desiree were eliminated from tonight's episode of The Amazing Race. It was sad to see an enjoyable team go, but, so far, there aren't any awful, unentertaining teams this season. Even the villainous Lake was nice enough to give a drunk German a ride home.

Before teams could drive around Germany, they had to make it out of Russia...ALIVE! This episode picked up where last week's left off, with Frat Guys Eric & Jeremy at the mat with Phil. Their clue instructed them to fly to Frankfurt, and then travel by train to Stuttgart.

Lake & Michelle arrived at the mat in second place, and Michelle muttered, "Oh, shoot," when she realized they had to keep racing. Ray & Yolanda arrived shortly thereafter, and Yolanda also muttered, "Oh, shoot." This foreshadowed the season's big twist, in which we'll discover that Yolanda and Michelle are long-lost sisters.

Hippies BJ & Tyler were more enthusiastic when they reached the mat. Upon receiving their clue, BJ handed Phil a dollar as a tip, which Tyler promptly reclaimed from Phil. BJ ran away yelling, "Don't waste an opportunity, Phil," a reference to Phil's other TV show (and book) No Opportunity Wasted.

Fran & Barry finished searching nesting dolls for clues and landed on the mat before any of the teams that chose the trolley-washing Detour. Pink girls Dani & Danielle finished at the same time as Wanda & Desiree, followed by MoJo Monica & Joseph and Nerds David & Lori.

At the Moscow Airport, the Frats got tickets on a Lufthansa flight to Frankfurt, which was scheduled to leave at 7 p.m. But the flight was closed by the time Lake & Michelle arrived, just minutes after the Frats. Lake & Michelle got in a slow-moving Aeroflot line, and they were eventually able to book seats on a flight leaving at 9:15 p.m.

As other teams arrived, Lake & Michelle warned them about the slow lines. Eventually, the remaining seven teams clustered around two open ticket windows, only to be told the airline's computers weren't working.

The Hippies happened to be standing in front of a closed window, when an employee suddenly opened it for business. Of the remaining teams, they were the only other pair to receive tickets for the 9:15 flight. They joined Lake & Michelle on a mostly empty plane, while everyone else was forced to take a flight at 7 a.m. the next morning.

With a comfortable lead, the Frats were able to relax on the train to Stuttgart, asking a guy named Johan if German girls were pretty. Johan replied that German girls get prettier the more you drink. So in Germany, the girls are often very pretty.

The Frats arrived at the Mercedes-Benz test track in Stuttgart to discover that it didn't open until 8:30 a.m. They spent the night in a hotel, as did Lake & Michelle and the Hippies.

The next morning, a driver sped them around the track at 170 km/hr, banking around "the wall of death," a vertical wall that left Tyler slack-jawed with excitement. Teams then received their next clue, instructing them to drive their Mercedes to Ellbach Field in Bad Tölz, south of Munich.

Teams on the morning flight out of Moscow arrived in Stuttgart at 11:15 a.m. The teams stayed pretty even until leaving the Mercedes-Benz track for Ellbach. That's when Wanda & Desiree's problems began. First, Wanda persisted in asking for directions in English with an affected Spanish accent. Then, needing to head towards Munich on the Autobahn, she missed an exit, went the wrong direction, looped around, missed her exit again, and wound up facing the wrong way a second time.

Fortunately for Wanda & Desiree, they weren't alone. The Pink team had equally poor senses of direction, so they followed Wanda & Desiree the whole time.

As the all-female teams struggled to get out of Stuttgart, the leaders were approaching Ellbach Field. Upon arriving at the field, teams were to select one member to undertake a Travelocity-sponsored Roadblock. One member had to look under an array of boots and oversized, pointy hats for Travelocity's gnome mascot. A clue was attached to the gnome, who became an honorary third member of each team for the rest of the leg.

The Frats arrived at the field first, and Jeremy finished the task quickly. They immediately headed to their next destination, Bavaria Film Studio, near Munich.

Lake & Michelle asked for directions to the field from a guy named Hans, who was walking along the road. Hans informed them that he was too drunk to drive them to the field himself, but he would be happy to ride with them and give directions as he sobered up. Lake & Michelle found the field at about the same time as the hippies.

BJ found his gnome, but the Hippies stuck around, because Lake said Hans would give both teams directions to the studio once Lake had completed the task. Lake found his gnome, and both teams were off -- after Lake & Michelle dropped Hans off at his house.

Fran & Barry, Ray & Yolanda, MoJo, and the Nerds all found their gnomes without incident.

At the film studio, a Detour offered teams the choice: "Break It" or "Slap It." In "Break It," teams had to break prop wine bottles over each others heads, and then check if the bottle's label had for the German word for cheers, "prost," written on the inside of it. However, teams were only allowed to break one bottle at a time, and only when the cuckoo of a nearby clock chimed, every five minutes or so.

"Slap It" required teams to don lederhosen and properly perform a traditional dance. The primary movement in the dance was the thigh slap -- the Old World version of the hand jive.

The Frats chose "Break It," fulfilling what was surely a longtime fantasy of breaking things over each others heads. For safety reasons, they were required to wear lederhosen and felt hats.

In between smashing bottles, Eric & Jeremy flirted with a blond woman in traditional garb who waited to give them their clue. When they finally found a correct label, she kissed each of them on the cheek.

The Hippies and Lake & Michelle also decided to "Break It." Lake & Michelle found their clue quickly, after Lake's attempt at gentleness failed and he banged Michelle in the forehead. She only got to break one bottle over his head, but looked like she wished she'd had a few more chances.

Tyler held his team up because he wasn't wearing underwear and needed to find someplace private to change into his lederhosen. BJ & Tyler howled, "Ow!" with each blow to the head. After finding their clue, BJ spoke some German, telling the blond woman that he wanted to take her out dancing.

Fran & Barry were the next team to make it to the studio, and they fell back into their old habit of choosing the wrong Detour. They decided to dance, but the music's fast tempo made it hard for them to keep up. After several attempts, the dance instructor decided their sloppy slaps were good enough and gave them their clue.

This last clue finally directed teams to the Pit Stop. In Munich, teams needed to find the Siegestor, a large arch at the city's center. The Frats came in first, winning an adventure trip to Africa. Phil noticed lipstick on the guys' cheeks and said they were the two biggest Casanovas in the history of the race. Jeremy said he hoped the Pink girls wouldn't be eliminated, so he and Eric could spend some time at the Pit Stop "tongue wrestling" with them.

The Hippies went for a grand entrance, running backwards to the mat. As they approached, Phil turned to the German man next to him and said, "You see that, Peter? They're running backwards." BJ jumped on the mat, looked at the white-bearded Peter and exclaimed, "Santa!"

Lake & Michelle arrived in third place, after bickering in the car. Lake told Michelle to "zip the negativity," and she responded with her best impression of Lake, mimicking his "C'mon, baby! Yeah!" delivery.

At Bavaria Film, MoJo, Ray & Yolanda, and the Nerds broke bottles. Only the Nerds were able to find one of the correct bottles quickly, so MoJo switched to the dancing Detour. When they succeeded on the first try, Ray & Yolanda swtiched too. It turned out that "Slap It" wasn't necessarily the tougher detour; it was just the tougher detour for Fran & Barry.

It was dusk by the time Wanda & Desiree and the Pinks found Ellbach Field. When Danielle found her gnome, Desiree started to lose the will to fight. After keeping her mom from freaking out for most of the race thus far, she was running out of energy.

With Wanda's encouragement, Desiree found a gnome, and they continued on. They arrived at the studio just as the Pinks were leaving. Wanda & Desiree did a great job dancing, but they were just barely too far behind to catch Dani & Danielle, who parked their car and got to the mat just before the mother-daughter team.

When Wanda & Desiree arrived at the mat, Phil told them they'd been eliminated. Desiree said, "These last four days have been hell." But Wanda tried to stay upbeat, saying she appreciated the time they had together.

This was one of my favorite episodes in a long time. Teams are still working with each other, and no unnecessary inter-team rivalries have sprung up. There's plenty of drama inherent in the format of the race, and manufactured negative drama has detracted from the show's quality for the last few seasons.

That said, there was one thing that disappointed me in tonight's episode. Bavaria Film is the studio where Das Boot and The Neverending Story were filmed. The studio's tours showcase the full-scale puppet Falkor that was used in that film, and damnit, I wanted to see Falkor.

Next week, it looks like teams might be traveling to Italy, where they have to search lines of laundry for clues. And Lori has a meltdown during a Roadblock that looks like it involves mannequins. If only she could summon the spirit of Hollywood Montrose to help her.

Brent Stank

After annoying teammates and audiences alike, Brent finally annoyed Donald Trump enough to get fired from The Apprentice. Even though his biggest contribution was making his team late, Brent still felt he was the most qualified candidate.

Tarek and Lenny returned from the boardroom at the beginning of the episode, and Tarek told everyone that Theresa was fired for not bringing Charmaine into the boardroom. Charmaine retired to her room to cry. She was comforted by Leslie, who spoke her first words of the season. She reminds me of my little brother when he was a kid. It took each of them a long time to start talking, but when they did, it was in complete sentences.

To prove Trump shouldn't have targeted her, Charmaine decided to manage Gold Rush on their new task. Teams created billboards to promote Post's new cereal, Grape Nuts Trail Mix Crunch. (I live a mile away from a Post factory, and there is nothing better than the sweet smell of Cocoa Pebbles wafting through the suburban night air.)

Trump's advice for the teams was to "keep it simple." That's exactly what Synergy didn't do. Tammy, the team's Project Manager, chose to go with Allie's idea of the cereal being "the next generation of Grape Nuts," a concept that's hard to communicate through one signature image and minimal text, which is usually all you want on a billboard.

While searching for models on the streets of Manhattan, Sean, Allie, and Roxanne selected a young-looking guy in his forties to portray the father of a woman in her mid-twenties. This totally defeated the team's concept of one generation passing something on to another. Instead, it looked like a flannel-wearing, average-looking guy giving a box of cereal to his hot girlfriend. New Yorkers driving by the billboard would probably just assume it was for the Broadway musical version of According to Jim.

Andrea designed some busy, text-heavy graphics that distracted further from the concept. When Brent asked Tammy if he could make the team's presentation to the Post execs, she told him he didn't look fit enough to tell them about health food. She had a point, though the team wasn't promoting the healthful aspects of the cereal.

Gold Rush made better luck for themselves, selecting a girl-next-door type for their ad. She donned workout gear and pretended to chug cereal straight from the box. Charmaine kept her team focused on the concept, producing a clear billboard the Post execs called "brilliant." After Andrea's breakdown last week, Charmaine became the second PM in a row to go from crying to victory over the course of an episode.

For their reward, Gold Rush cooked and dined with the head chef at Trump International Hotel, Jean George. Master chef George ribbed Lenny for adding cayenne pepper to his already-finished dishes and insisting that the chef add vodka to everything.

While Gold Rush dined out, Synergy moped in the suite. In someone's bed, Allie and Roxanne draped themselves all over Sean and talked about the loss. Sean managed to pretend he was upset, too, despite this being the greatest moment of his life.

Tension was high as the team entered the boardroom. Trump asked Roxanne what she thought of Tammy's performance, and Roxanne replied that Tammy was the best Project Manager so far. Andrea bristled at the comment, since she lead the team to victory last week.

Brent had a different opinion of Tammy. "I thought she stank as a Project Manager," Brent said, opening the floodgates for his team members to attack him. Andrea said Brent was a liability, and he retorted, "You're a liability."

Brent continued ranting about his accomplishments, and Roxanne laughed when he said, "They'd be 0-4 without me." Trump wasn't sympathetic when Brent told him how Tammy didn't want a fat person presenting the team's ad campaign to the Post executives. Trump said, "I'm not in the greatest shape, either." He admitted that, in a similar situation, his model daughter Ivanka (who again subbed for Carolyn as viceroy this week) might be a better choice.

Trump didn't even give Tammy the option to bring anyone back into the boardroom. Instead, in front of the entire team, Trump criticized Brent for not learning from experience. Because Brent had never adjusted his behavior to fit in with his teammates, he was fired.

In the cab on his way home, Brent insisted that he was the only true leader on Synergy.

Next week, the teams must complete their tasks aboard a cruise ship before it leaves port. The waters are choppy for both teams as Lenny and Roxanne freak out on their teammates.

Rock Star: Supernova

On Thursday, CBS announced which band will find its lead singer on the second season of Rock Star. This summer's winning contestant will front the new band, Supernova, a supergroup currently comprising Tommy Lee, Gilby Clarke, and Jason Newsted.

Producer Mark Burnett decided to create a band from scratch, rather than fill the empty spot in a preexisting band. Tommy Lee, of Mötley Crüe and porn tape fame, was so eager be a part of the show that he signed on as an executive producer and drummer for the new group.

Gilby Clarke played guitar for Guns N' Roses during the Use Your Illusion era. Since he was able to put up with Axl Rose's inflated ego, Gilby must be a saint. And if you've seen the documentary Metallica: Some Kind of Monster, you know that bassist Jason Newsted was the smartest member of the band. He's the one that got out.

One of the best pieces of news for Rock Star's sophomore season is that Butch Walker will co-write songs for Supernova and produce the band's first album. If Butch Walker's name doesn't ring a bell, he's written for and produced The Donnas, Pink, and Avril Lavigne, for whom he wrote the hit, "My Happy Ending." (If that wasn't teen angst we were hearing, and instead was a girl evoking a man's mid-life crisis, I guess I haven't given Avril enough credit for emotional range.)

More importantly, Butch fronted the band Marvelous 3, whose 1998 single, "Freak of the Week," is as good a power pop song as you'll ever hear. Those of you who unapologetically read Metal Edge magazine in its heyday may remember when Butch graced the rag's pages as a member of Southgang.

Impish Dave Navarro and scantily-clad Brooke Burke return as the show's hosts. They'll be joined each week by a celebrity guest judge. So far, Slash, Moby, Rob Zombie, and Macy Gray have agreed to appear as judges. It's too bad Zombie and Gray can't appear on the same episode, 'cause there's the potential for the weirdest duet since Cindy Lauper and Frank Sinatra performed "Santa Claus Is Comin' to Town."

If you'd like to apply for one of the 16 spots on the show, audition tapes are due March 24th, so hurry up. I wonder if Dave Navarro's already asked his beloved Sweet Suzie McNeil to try out a second time.

DWTS Update: 3-15-06

Cheryl on Extra
Cheryl will interviewed on Extra this Saturday, March 18. Follow this link to find out what time the show will air in your area.

Possible New Co-Host for DWTS 3
On March 1, The New York Post reported that Lisa Rinna could be Tom Bergeron's co-host for DWTS 3. Samantha Harris might then become an entertainment correspondent for ABC's Good Morning America. (The archived article is still available here, though you must be a registered Post reader to view it.)

Stars at the Oscars
Star also spotted Tia Carrere and Stacy Keibler shopping (separately) before the Oscars. Check out what they got in their gift bags. Lisa and Harry Hamlin were guests at Elton John's Oscar party.

Master P on Trial
Master P's no contest plea on his gun possession charges earned him 40 hours of community service. Hey, he was just doing it for the Katrina victims. Zap2It has the full story.

Talented Singers Shine on Nashville Star

If you're a fan of TV vocal competitions, do yourself a favor and tune in to Nashville Star. The show's fourth season premiered this week on the USA Network -- without all of the lousy auditions and camera hogging wannabes. Viewers were treated to ten top-notch performances by singers with a future in country music.

Don't be turned off if you're not a fan of country. I'm not that fond of it myself, but I enjoy good performances, no matter what style of music. Throughout each season of Nashville Star, contestants perform classic and contemporary country, southern rock, and original songs as well.

It's one thing to cover other artists' songs, another to write your own material and play an instrument. All of the contestants on Nashville Star can do both, and many currently make a living as performers. They're more experienced in front of live audiences than the contestants on American Idol, if you don't count high school swing choir shows.

New hosts for this season are country music legend Wynonna, and the man who invented country-rap, Cowboy Troy. Troy smoothly delivered all of his lines with a grin, and kept things light. Wynonna played mother hen, offering advice to all of the contestants.

Judges Phil Vassar and Anastasia Brown return for another season. Phil's written countless country hits, and Anastasia is the A&R wiz who discovered Keith Urban. So, win or lose, contestants would be wise to heed their advice.

Each week, the two regular judges will be joined by a guest celebrity judge, which is sort of a mixed blessing. The premiere's guest judges were Big & Rich, whose comments ranged from somewhat insightful to barely intelligible. Next week's guest judge is comedian Larry the Cable Guy; who knows what advice he can offer contestants.

All of the contestants gave good performances, but Casey Rivers and Matt Mason emerged as early favorites, with rich voices and cowboy good looks. Nicole Jamrose, a married mother of two, is the sentimental favorite to win. She's got a distinctive voice and an aura of coolness.

Some of the contestants may not be true contenders, but their unique style makes the show interesting. Shy Blakemore looks like Bret Michaels from Poison and performs without shoes. Kristen McNamara is a blond California girl who yodeled for her opening number.

Although all of the contestants are talented singers, not all of them have star power. Monique LeCompte has a beautiful voice, but the judges said she's more Broadway than country. And Jewels Hanson rocked her butt off, but she was a little over the top for the judges' tastes.

Before voting opened to the public, the judges eliminated Jewels Hanson. Since Jewels sold her Harley Davidson to make the trip from California, Wynonna offered to loan one of the Harleys from her own collection so they could ride together.

The second episode airs Tuesday, March 21, at 10 p.m. Eastern. Special guest Gretchen Wilson will perform and the results of the first audience vote will be announced. If you'd like to catch up on the performances from the first episode, USA Network is reairing the season premiere this Saturday, March 18 at 10 a.m. Eastern.

I'm Gonna Punch You in the Mouth

There was no relief in sight as teams ended the latest leg of The Amazing Race. Teams arrived on the mat behind St. Basil's cathedral in Moscow's Red Square, only to have Phil tell them there was no Pit Stop and they had to continue racing.

Before heading to Russia, teams had to finish their business in Brazil. That included an early morning zipline ride, 300 feet over the countryside. Hippies BJ & Tyler were the first team to leave, at 4:48 a.m., but the zip line did not open until 7:00.

Frat Guys Jeremy & Eric were just minutes behind the Hippies, who waited on the side of the road to jump out and scare the Frats as they arrived at the zip line. Monica & Joseph (MoJo) and Nerds Lori & Dave also arrived before the ride opened.

These first four teams stand a very good chance of being the final four teams in the race. In addition to being capable racers, these teams all get along with each other. Season 9 is the most enjoyable since Season 5, largely because teams are willing to help each other. In Season 5, eventual winners Chip & Kim often helped the perpetually confused twins, Kami & Karli. It's nice to see producers casting teams that you want to succeed, as was the norm in the show's early seasons.

At the end of the zipline, teams received a clue instructing them to fly to Moscow, Russia. There they would have to travel by taxi to a large, outdoor swimming pool used to train Russian Olympians.

First, the couples needed to drive to the bus station in Brotas, Brazil. Three charter buses took them to the international airport in Sao Paolo. The Hippies, the Frats, MoJo, and the Nerds filled up the spots on the first bus at 9:15.

As the first bus left, some of the other teams were still finishing the zipline. Lake & Michelle had left the Pit Stop in seventh place, but they'd gotten lost. Michelle warned Lake he was going the wrong way, and he replied, "Shut up." She later paid him back by threatening to punch him in the mouth. If only she'd followed through. After Lake finally admitted being lost, he parked their VW Bug in the middle of a cornfield and stood on top of the car to see where they were, denting the vehicle's roof in the process.

Ray & Yolanda, Wanda & Desiree, Lake & Michelle, and The Pink Girls, Danielle & Dani, eventually made it to the bus station in time for the second charter bus, which left at 10:00. Oldsters Fran & Barry, who didn't leave the Pit Stop until 8:45, were the only team on the 10:45 bus.

At the airport, all of the teams purchased tickets for the same Lufthansa flight to Moscow, via Frankfurt, Germany. Onboard, the Pink Girls learned Russian translations of useful phrases (e.g., "Go fast!") from a fellow passenger. After disembarking, the Frat Guys sweet talked the girls into sharing a cab to the pool.

At the pool, teams encountered a Roadblock, which required one team member to jump off a 10-meter diving board and retrieve a clue underwater. BJ and Tyler arrived first, and Tyler elected to take the plunge, ensuring that--while we might have two Hippies on the race--we'd only have one unwashed Hippie. He stripped off his "T-Tow" t-shirt, which he explained was the power word that symbolized the "circle of the universe" for him and BJ.

Fran & Barry benefited from a fast cab, and Barry completed the task in second place. Ray & Yolanda arrived in third, and Yolanda chose to dive, despite her inability to swim. After a few uneasy minutes at top of the platform, other teams arrived and cheered for her. As she got out of the pool with their clue, a Russian woman told her, "Good girl."

The task went smoothly for most of the teams, except Wanda & Desiree. Wanda had no problem making the jump off of the platform. But her fear of drowning sent her into hysterics, and she wasn't able to retrieve their underwater clue. Desiree calmed her mother, and, with the encouragement of several Russian men who were watching, Wanda dove and got the clue.

Everyone else was already on their way to a monastery to find the next clue, and Wanda & Desiree feared the delay might have cost them the race. But, on their way to the monastery, Dani realized that she'd left her bag with the clues, passports, and money in the pool's changing room. She and Danielle jumped out of the cab they were sharing with the Frats and got a ride back to the pool.

BJ & Tyler were first to the monastery's cathedral, and they took a minute to admire the artwork before deciding which Detour to take. Their options were to "Scrub" a Moscow trolley inside and out, or "Scour" hundreds of Russian nesting dolls for a tiny clue.

The Hippies chose the first option, but their cab driver couldn't find the trolley yard. Fran & Barry caught up to the Hippies, and both teams decided to do the other task instead.

Lake & Michelle and the Frat Guys both wanted to do the trolley task as well, but they couldn't communicate with their cab drivers. As Ray & Yolanda left the monastery in their cab, the other two teams instructed their drivers to follow.

But Ray & Yolanda had elected to search the dolls. Lake & Michelle and the Frats were dismayed at first, but all three teams joked around as a band played and dancers swirled around them. The Frats and Lake & Michelle found their clues quickly and headed for their next destination: Red Square.

Fran & Barry arrived at the theater and started searching the dolls. Ray & Yolanda found their clue just as the Hippies arrived. The Hippies found their clue quickly, sending Fran & Barry into this week's requisite panic.

The Pink Girls made it back to the pool just as Wanda & Desiree were leaving. Filled with hope, Wanda & Desiree found one of the few cabbies in Moscow who knew where the trolley depot was. The Pink Girls arrived at the depot shortly after, followed by MoJo and the Nerds, who eventually stumbled upon the location in their shared cab.

Lake & Michelle and the Frats found Red Square at nearly the same time, but Eric & Jeremy made it to the mat first. Phil told them that they weren't finished racing. He then handed them their next clue, as the episode ended.

Next week, Fran & Barry dance in lederhosen, which means teams will be flying to either Germany or Pennsylvania.

It's Not My Problem

Theresa's corporate retreat was tacky and offensive, earning her a hearty "You're Fired" from The Donald on tonight's Apprentice. And a loss by Gold Rush put Lenny the Russian in fighting form again.

Brent's return from last week's boardroom sent Andrea into the bathroom, where she cried and hid for a long time. After she reemerged, she decided to be Synergy's project manager this week, just to prove that somebody could manage Brent,

Before receiving this week's task, Dan and Lee of Gold Rush announced that they would be observing the Jewish New Year, and would not be able to participate. Apparently, interviews for TV game shows like The Apprentice don't count as work, as they were able to participate in those. As respectfully as possible, NBC added Fiddler on the Roof-style music to a shot of Dan and Lee walking to temple.

Lenny, who is also Jewish, described the decision not to work as "f***ing stupid." He reasoned that Israeli soldiers don't get out of work on holidays, so neither should the candidates.

Trump assigned the task of holding a corporate retreat for GM dealers, to whom the teams to introduce the 2007 Chevy Tahoe. Teams needed to find a fun way of familiarizing dealers with the car.

Synergy wisely ignored Brent's idea to give the dealers massages, and instead came up with the theme "Nature Refined." They planned a day of outdoorsy activities, like rock climbing, fly fishing, and skeet shooting.

When they realized skeet shooting wasn't allowed in their park, Andrea quickly came up with a much better idea: golf cart races. Throughout the day, they also let dealers test drive the Tahoe, as Sean read vehicle specs from the backseat. With his meager knowledge of cars, Sean probably thought the "V8" he kept mentioning was a tomato drink. But his British accent made him sound like an authority, just the same.

Theresa led the undermanned Gold Rush, giving Tarek creative control of the event. She then ignored Tarek's pleas for a theme, and instead decided to offer the dealers such disparate activities as mini-golf, a horse and buggy ride, and a performance by a comedian. Several times, she used the word "classy" to describe her vision of the event.

In addition to those highbrow activities, Theresa decided to showcase the Tahoe on a rotating platform with models, as at a car show. But this was a one-car car show in the middle of a dirt track of a park. No word on whether Theresa's version of class accounts for corn dogs, monster trucks, and late-night nutria hunts.

Just before the event, Tarek dug golf holes in ugly, dried out patches of grass, because Theresa refused to order astroturf. Not a wise decision, considering Trump's viceroy, Carolyn, runs golf courses for a living and was on-site to inspect.

Lenny set up the stage and tents, but he neglected to procure a generator to make the stage rotate, protesting, "It's not my problem." Brice ordered a generator and spent the rest of the episode screaming hysterically at Lenny, "I saved your ass!"

Gold Rush's horse and buggy sucked, their mini-golf was pathetic, and the models didn't know a thing about the Tahoe. But the final blow came when their comedian, a former Last Comic Standing contestant hired by Charmaine, gave a crude, unfunny performance that offended everyone. Even though the comedian bombed, Charmaine still paid her the full appearance fee of $1700.

In the opinion of the dealers, Synergy destroyed Gold Rush. The Synergy members were given a chance to swim with sharks at Atlantis Marine World on Long Island. Brent had concerns for his safety, but, to Sean's dismay, the sharks did not eat Brent.

Theresa was sick of Lenny's attitude, proving that she doesn't know a potential TV icon when she sees one. So, she brought him into the boardroom along with Tarek, who bore the responsibility for the crummy putting green.

Carolyn, substitute viceroy Bill Rancic, Trump, and even Tarek absolved Lenny of responsibility for the team's loss. Tarek's defense for the golf course was that, even though it stunk, at least people enjoyed it, unlike the comedian and the buggy ride.

Trumped harped on Theresa for not bringing Charmaine into the board room, when she was not only responsible for the comedian, but also for hiring the clueless models. Theresa was fired, earning a big grin from Lenny. On his way out, Trump told Tarek, "You better step it up... if you can."

Next week, Brent loses his mind. He'd better make it fast, before the audience loses interest in him.

The Power of the Dark Side

When Joe compared his opponents, Josh & Cher, to Darth Vader, he had no idea that Cher was about to cut off his hand and leave him dangling underneath Cloud City. Joe & Brittany may have been Beauty and the Geek 2's Luke Skywalker, but Josh & Cher took home the $250,000 prize.

After the previous episode's elimination sent Ankur & Jennipher home, Joe & Brittany returned to the suite, where Josh & Cher were waiting to see who their final opponents would be. The teams celebrated making it to the end with a soak in the hot tub. Josh finally got the courage to get in the tub, his first dip of the season.

The next morning, the teams were informed that the elimination room would test how well they understood their partner. Until this point, the pre-elimination round challenges had focused on overcoming weaknesses. This time, the challenge was replaced by a chance to demonstrate each person's strengths.

In order to show off one of his talents, Josh took Cher to a pond. When she asked if they were going skinny dipping, Josh joked, "We'll see where it goes."

Instead of taking clothes off, they put on some waders and tried fly fishing. Josh had learned the sport growing up in Michigan, and it surprised Cher that he'd be interested in something so outdoorsy. Cher only hit Josh with her fishing pole a couple of times.

Joe taught Brittany another outdoor sport -- of sorts. They played chess on an oversized board at the beach. Joe's teaching needed some refinement, as he fired off information at lightning speed. But Brittany picked up a lot of the information, and Joe was impressed that she'd mastered some advanced concepts so quickly.

To further impress Brittany, Joe played a round of speed chess against another expert player. Brittany said she felt honored to have shared her experience on the show with a master chess player. You think Joe's good at table games, Brittany? Until you've seen my sister-in-law beat my ass at Yahtzee, you have no idea what a master is.

Brittany took the opportunity to teach Joe how to ice skate. While she emphasized that she was only a casual skater, Joe was amazed by her skill, as he struggled to stay upright. By the end of Brittany's lesson, Joe was skating smoothly and even did a little spin.

Cher's skill was making sushi, and Josh guessed that he was probably the world's first Jewish sushi chef. Josh proposed that, if they won, they use their winnings to open a sushi restaurant together.

Before the elimination room, a montage of clips of both teams ruined the show, because it was set to that stupid "You're Beautiful" song that every show now uses for montages and poignant scenes. Joe talked about the final showdown: "Josh & Cher are the bad guys, and Brittany & I are the good guys. It's like Darth vs. Luke. May the force be with us." But just like Luke in Empire, Joe & Brittany must have left Dagobah before their training was complete.

Instead of the usual question-answer format of past eliminations, the finale included a special twist. One team member answered a question, and the other team member had to guess the answer that was given. Each correct match earned the team one point.

The guys were up first, answering three random questions while the girls were sequestered in another room. Unfortunately, the girls didn't know their guys as well as they thought they did, and Brittany and Cher failed to match a single one of their partner's answers.

For example, Cher was asked what the first word that popped into Josh's head was when he saw her on the first day. She guessed that the word was "vivacious." His real answer: "nauseous."

When it was their turn, Josh and Joe performed significantly better, each answering two of three questions correctly and forcing a tiebreaker round. The guys each answered their new question correctly, forcing another round.

Josh was asked what he'd most like to change about his partner, and he said he'd like Cher to have more self-confidence. Cher correctly guessed Josh's answer. Joe was asked the same question about Brittany, and he said he wished she was a little less innocent. Naive might have been the better way to phrase it, since less innocent sounds overly sexual. Unless that's what he really meant.

Brittany flip-flopped for a while, and finally decided that Joe would want her to be more self-confident, too. Josh & Cher were awarded the $250,000 first prize, but a sobbing Joe said he would've paid that much for the opportunity he had.

Cher put Josh's sushi restaurant idea to rest, saying she'll use her share of the money to enroll in medical school. No word on what Josh will do with his money, but hopefully he'll treat himself to a new man-purse.

Following the episode, Chicago's WGN News reported live from a viewing party held by Joe. He was joined by Karl & Danielle, two other Chicagoland contestants from this season. Danielle is currently working at the Mount Prospect Public Library while she waits for modeling and acting offers to come her way. Karl, the show's resident dungeon master, is now a spokesman for Dungeons & Dragons.

Hasta La Fuego

This week, the La Mina tribe resumed its losing ways, falling to Casaya in a combination Reward/Immunity Challenge. Sally, as the last woman on La Mina, was the tribe's obvious choice for elimination. But Casaya spared her when they picked her to spend the night at Exile Island, while the rest of her tribe went to Tribal Council. Dan, master of the fire at camp, was the weakest of the men, so the others chose him as the sixth person voted out of Survivor: Panama - Exile Island.

The night before the challenge, Casaya bickered about the fractured vote at the previous Tribal Council, which ultimately sent Bobby home. Most of the team lay in the shelter: Shane on one side, Danielle and Cirie cuddling with Aras in the middle, and Bruce next to them. Shane told Danielle she was stupid to have kept Bruce instead of Bobby. Bruce lay sleeping (or pretending to sleep) only feet away from Shane.

Danielle tried to convince Shane to save the argument for the morning, but he persisted. He said that he wanted out of his alliance with Danielle and Courtney, and asked that they let him out of a promise he'd made on his son's name. Aras and Cirie listened in, but said nothing.

Courtney had spent the night on the beach, so Cirie eagerly filled her in on what Shane had said in the shelter. Danielle came over, and she and Courtney decided that Shane should be the next person voted out. Cirie solemnly consented to vote with them.

In an interview, Cirie let loose giggles she'd withheld from Danielle and Courtney when agreeing with their plan. She was ecstatic about the rift in the Casaya alliance, and proud of the quiet role she was playing in causing that rift. She knew that the more they turned against each other, the further she'd be able to advance in the game.

Later that morning, Shane approached Danielle and Courtney about terminating their alliance. Danielle was quick to agree, but Courtney wanted to give Shane a piece of her mind first. "You don't even realize how mean you are," she told him. When suffering nicotine withdrawal, Shane probably doesn't realize where he is most of the time, let alone how mean he's acting.

Aras talked with Shane about his actions, and Shane realized that he'd probably made a huge mistake by angering Courtney and Danielle. Still, he didn't regret his decision. He called Danielle a "meatball," and said he thought even less of Courtney. In Shane's world, Courtney ranks sub-meatball.

Aras was secretly pleased at the dissolution of his alliance. Shane was a loose cannon, and Aras felt he'd be in a better position without Shane to worry about.

Unlike Casaya, the members of La Mina were still getting along. Sally knew she wouldn't be able to break up the boys club, but she had other problems to worry about. Their camp was running perilously low on food, so they had resorted to catching minnows and eating them raw.

While fishing with Nick, Dan revealed that he'd been an astronaut, and not just an engineer at NASA. They told Austin when they returned to camp, and he shouted, "Dan Fuego is a stud!" Author Austin then confessed his own secret: "My real name is John Grisham."

That afternoon, both tribes received Tree Mail summoning them to a challenge. As usual, the winners of the episode's first challenge would get a reward and the opportunity to send one of the losers to Exile Island. However, the Reward Challenge was the episode's only challenge, making it an Immunity Challenge, as well. The losers would face Tribal Council that night, leaving the exiled tribe member immune from the vote.

There were two parts to the challenge. First, three members of each tribe ran one at a time along a zig-zag path to retrieve four puzzle pieces--each skull-shaped, but non-identical. The pieces were large, heavy, and tied to frames about 100 meters from the starting mat.

As soon as a tribe had all four pieces on the mat, the two remaining tribe members would position them on a puzzle board. There were already nine pieces attached to the board, between which the skull pieces fit. However, the puzzle-solvers needed to figure out not only which skull pieces went in where, but also which way to rotate the pre-attached pieces so that those four new pieces fit. Once the first of the four new pieces was in place, the rotations of the other pieces would become more obvious, and it would be easy to complete the challenge.

Shane was the first member to fetch a puzzle piece for Casaya, but he struggled to untie the knots holding his piece in place. Aras and Danielle had an easier time, as did Shane when he untied the tribe's fourth puzzle piece. But, by then, Shane's early problems had allowed Terry, Austin, and Nick to give La Mina a substantial head start on assembling the puzzle.

La Mina watched their lead evaporate as Sally and Dan floundered with the puzzle. Bruce and Cirie (Courtney sat out of the challenge) quickly figured out where to put their first piece, and they finished their puzzle before Sally and Dan got a single piece into place.

Fully aware that Sally was slotted as next to go, Casaya sent her to Exile Island. They then took off for their reward, a barbecue in a nearby fishing village. Jeff Probst gave them hula hoops, soccer balls, and a piñata as gifts for the children in the village.

Casaya feasted on chicken, soup, and soda pop. And they danced and played games with the kids. But Shane got what he'd really desired from day one: a cigarette. As he sucked the thing down to its filter, he admitted, "This is probably a really bad decision."

The resulting buzz was strong enough to make Shane realize that cigarettes are a real drug. Fifteen days of withdrawal-induced mood swings should've been clue enough.

Cirie enjoyed the food and watching the children play, but she said she might have preferred if Casaya had lost the challenge. The reward gave Shane an opportunity to apologize to Danielle, leaving Bruce as the only buffer between Cirie and elimination, should her tribe lose immunity a couple more times.

At La Mina, the mood was somber, as the boys club had to decide which of them would go home that night. Austin explained to Terry that Dan was physically too weak to last in the game. Terry told Nick and Austin that, despite his friendship with Dan, he knew what had to be done.

Terry told Dan his decision before Tribal Council. Dan felt that he and Sally had lost the challenge for La Mina, so he understood why he was selected to be voted out. He knew Terry had to act in his own self-interest, but Dan secretly hoped Terry would realign with him and vote for Austin, forcing a tie that would be settled with a challenge.

At Tribal Council, the men acknowledged that Sally was their original target, and that it was a smart strategic move by Casaya to send her to Exile Island. Dan told Jeff Probst that he knew he was going to be voted out, but that he would've preferred the vote be divided between him and Austin.

Out of respect for Dan, they proceeded with the vote. Dan cast the lone vote for Austin, while Nick, Austin, and Terry all voted for "Dan Fuego." In his farewell confessional, Dan thanked his family for letting him go on another adventure.

Although Dan managed to stay on the ground for this adventure, his family provided the most out there "Febreze Survivor Family Moment" yet. His teenaged kids pointed at a machine on the coffee table and said, "The robot is moping without you!" Those kids get beat up at school every day.

Next week's Survivor is a special clip show on Wednesday night, with footage of Casaya eating a snake. Poor Cirie; she thought sushi was weird. New episodes return in three weeks, when one of the Survivors is ferried away in a "medical emergency." I'll be surprised if it doesn't involve Shane and a straitjacket.

Interview with Cheryl Burke

Cheryl Burke has had hardly a day off in months. Eight straight weeks of training and performing with singer Drew Lachey led the couple to a championship on the second season of ABC's Dancing with the Stars. And since then, Cheryl's life has been a string of interviews and appearances.

She has no desire to see it end.

"Most of the publicity is done," Cheryl, 21, said in a phone interview late last week, days after winning the competition. "I'm still doing some radio interviews and spur of the moment stuff. But I hope there's even more!"

Cheryl's Dancing with the Stars experience almost started a year ago. Before the first season, her name came up as a possibility for the show. But, at the time, Cheryl wanted to concentrate on her burgeoning professional career. "I competed about twice each month. But it takes year-round preparation for four to eight hours a day."

Cheryl was then living in New York City, to which she'd moved from her native California after turning 18. "New York is the place to be for serious competitors. The European coaches go there."

Finding the right coach can be essential. While most professional dancers do the bulk of their own choreography, coaches can help perfect routines, turning a good dance into a first place dance. "I try to find coaches who deal with the styles I like to dance," Cheryl said. "I don't train with more than two coaches at a time. It's easier to keep things straight."

Dancers also often seek simplicity and consistency when choreographing their performances. "I used the same routine for two years. You might add or subtract something, but the basic routine stays the same."

Though she'd spent the last two years of her life performing variations on the same routine, Cheryl was about to find herself choreographing at least one new dance every week.

In August, ABC's interest in Cheryl was rekindled when some network scouts spotted her at a professional competition in Southern California. Between then and November, ABC conducted interviews with Cheryl and other dancers.

The network offered Cheryl a slot on Dancing with the Stars and paired her with former 98 Degrees singer Drew Lachey. The timing was perfect for Cheryl, as she was tiring of New York and had decided to part ways with her professional partner.

Cheryl's transition from the world of pro competition to Dancing with the Stars was made easier because of some familiar faces: the show's other professional dancers. "We all knew each other beforehand. Ballroom dancing is a small world."

Prior to being cast, Cheryl had experience going up against (and defeating) some of her TV competition. At last April's San Francisco Open, she won the International Latin event, edging out Dancing with the Stars pros Jonathan Roberts and Anna Trebunskaya. In that same competition, first-season DwtS winner Alec Mazo and his professional partner, show regular Edyta Sliwinska, placed fourth.

Cheryl said she has a good relationship with the other pros from the show, like Tia Carrere's partner, Max Chmerkovskiy. "Max is one of nicest guys I know. He's hard-working and likes to compete. It was a shame he went out so early."

The familiarity and friendship between pros also helped them quickly assemble exhibition routines and demonstration dances. Both dancers choreographed the routines, though one usually oversaw the final product. "We’re all pros, so our dances with each other weren't difficult. We spent about three hours over two days working on each exhibition routine."

"But working with our celebrities was the priority."

Training a non-dancer on a tight schedule was challenge enough for the professionals. But there was one area in which the celebrities were the experts: exposure. On Dancing with the Stars, Cheryl performed before a much larger audience than she'd ever dreamed she would.

"In the beginning, I thought I would be so nervous. But when I perform, I perform for whoever is in front of me. When I actually went onstage, I focused on the audience that was there. I performed for them, instead of letting myself realize in the back of my mind that there were 27 million people watching!"

Cheryl kept her nerves in check all season, and over the two-episode finale, she and Drew earned the best scores from the show's judges. In what was probably the season's most entertaining dance, the two performed a freestyle to Big and Rich's "Save a Horse (Ride a Cowboy)." The freestyle was the only dance of the competition for which there were no restrictions or required elements. And, for once, the team wasn't at the mercy of the show's music director. "We got to pick the music for it, too."

Even though the couple won the final judges' vote, they still needed support from the home viewers in order to help them defeat former NFL great Jerry Rice in the final standings. Going into this season, Rice had the largest built-in fan base of any of the celebrities. By comparison, Drew and Cheryl had to earn their votes largely from scratch.

Over the season, Cheryl and Drew became one of the show's most popular couples. But, until after the final show ended, they never knew how the public felt about them. Cheryl thought she might be one of the season's villains, so she resisted any temptations to peek at Internet message boards. "I tried to avoid them, because some of them might not be very nice."

She had nothing to worry about. The couple had won over fans online and offline, at home and abroad. Cheryl, whose mother is Filipina, inspired news media from the Philippines to cover Dancing with the Stars. Cheryl received well-wishes from Pinoys throughout the competition. "It was great to know that they were behind me one-hundred percent."

The couple's popularity with the show's audience ultimately pushed Drew and Cheryl to victory, and the couple is grateful. "I have to give a big, big thanks to all our fans. Drew feels the same. We couldn’t have done it without them!"

For now, Cheryl’s decided to put her professional dance career on hold. "I've relocated to L.A. I'm looking for an agent, so I can try commercials, acting, or whatever comes my way."

She's also teamed up with one of her competitors from DwtS, Louis van Amstel, who was Lisa Rinna's partner on the show. "Right now, I'm starting some projects with Louis. We may do shows at competitions or perform at corporate events."

With all these other plans, would Cheryl be up for another run on Dancing with the Stars? "I would love to return for Season 3! There's no ABC rule against it. [First season pro finalists] Alec and Charlotte just chose not to come back."


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Pressed for Time

A tricky stick shift brought an end to the Glamazons' Amazing Race. Six-foot-tall, tiara-wearing sisters Joni & Lisa struggled to drive their vintage VW Bug through the muddy roads of Brazil. At least Joni will finally have time to get a handle on her bladder control problems.

Teams started this leg of the race by taking a taxi two miles to a tall building, Edificio Copan, for their next clue. All of the teams left between 5:30 and 7:30 a.m., but, because the building didn't open until 8 a.m., all of the teams really started this leg at the same time.

On the way to the building, Frat Guy Eric ogled a prostitute's behind. It took him a few seconds to realize that he was ogling a man. To make up -- if not overcompensate -- for his mistake, he spent much of the rest of the episode flirting with the Pink girls, Dani & Danielle. At one point, he told the camera, "We gotta make the girls feel good, so we can get in their pants later."

When teams finally got their clues, they learned that their challenge was the season's first Roadblock. One member of the team had to climb up one of the building's three fire escapes and then rappel 400 ft. to the ground. Contestants would rappel in the order by which they arrived at the top of the building.

Jeremy was first to the top of stairwell #1, followed by Ray, Desiree, Danielle, and Fran. Joseph lead the way up stairwell #2, followed by Lake, Dave, and Joni. For some reason, BJ was the only one to choose stairwell #3.

At the bottom, the next clue sent teams to a bus station to find tickets for charter buses leaving at 10:15, 11:15, and 12:15. Jeremy, Joseph, and BJ were first down the building, and their teams took all the seats on the 10:15 bus.

On the 11:15 bus were Ray & Yolanda, Dave & Lori, and Wanda & Desiree. Lake rappelled down the building in fourth place, but he and Michelle took a bus to the wrong station. They wound up on the 12:15 charter with the Pink girls, the Glamazons, and Fran & Barry.

The charter buses dropped teams off in Brotas, Brazil. There, each team chose a vintage VW Bug to drive to the next Detour. Teams could either climb 50 feet up a waterfall, or they could distill sugarcane juice into ethanol.

All of the teams from the first bus chose the waterfall. They climbed it using ropes and mechanical ascenders, require good coordination and are tricky to learn. They've confounded more than one team in past seasons of the Race.

Eric was the only one from the front pack who didn't master the ascender immediately, but even his troubles were brief. The Hippies, Frat Guys, and Joseph & Monica (a.k.a. MoJo) finished the task quickly and drove to the Pit Stop. The Hippies arrived first, winning a trip to Tahiti and some hacky sacks.

Ray & Yolanda arrived on the second bus, and were the only team from their group to climb the waterfall. Nerds Dave & Lori chose the sugarcane option because Dave had once done the ethanol conversion as an experiment in school. They were followed by the mother/daughter team, Wanda & Desiree.

While making ethanol sounds like a very technical procedure, the process contestants used was very simple. Each team cranked 15 sugarcane stalks through a press to extract the juice. The juice was then heated over a Bunsen burner until the distilled ethanol dripped into a container.

Then the teams topped off their car's gas tank with the ethanol they'd created. Phil pointed out that 85% of cars in Brazil run on ethanol, not fossil fuels. By sheer coincidence, immediately after this week's show aired, President Bush announced plans to attack Brazil.

Dave & Lori called upon the spirit of Nickelodeon's 80s science icon, Mr. Wizard. They finished ahead of Wanda & Desiree, who briefly got lost, and also feared they might've chosen the slower Detour.

Wanda & Desiree had nothing to fear, as neither Fran & Barry nor Lisa & Joni would be reaching the Pit Stop until after nightfall. Lisa had trouble keeping her stick-shift Bug in gear, putting her in a panicked state that lasted until they reached the Pit Stop.

Lisa & Joni chose the less physically demanding ethanol task. Joni cheered Lisa on a she cranked the sugarcane through the press, saying, "Pretend you're giving birth to a child." Lisa retorted, "I didn't! I had a C-section!"

Lake & Michelle and the Pinks had no trouble with the waterfall, but Fran couldn't get the hang of the ascender. She and Barry chose to climb the waterfall this week, after wasting so much time on the wrong Detour last week, too. If Fran and Barry keep making such poor decisions, they should be the next team out.

Fran & Barry ran into further bad luck when their car's battery died on the road to the Pit Stop. They were given a new car, but no credit for the time they lost. Luckily for them, they still edged out Lisa and Joni.

Lisa sobbed on the mat when they finished the race. It had been her idea to go on the show, and she blamed the loss on her poor driving. Joni assured her that they won or lost as a team, and that the greatest gift she could have received wasn't a victory, but a chance to travel the world with her sister.

Leaderboard:
1 - BJ & Tyler
2 - Eric & Jeremy
3 - Monica & Joseph
4 - Dave & Lori
5 - Ray & Yolanda
6 - Desiree & Wanda
7 - Lake & Michelle
8 - Dani & Danielle
9 - Fran & Barry
10 - Lisa & Joni (eliminated)

Next week, the teams travel to Moscow, where they must search hundreds of nesting dolls for a clue. And Wanda must face her fear of drowning, as she retrieves a clue from the deep end of a swimming pool.

Not So Pepi

Brent joined Lenny as the second villain of The Apprentice 5. Like Lenny, Brent survived his first trip to the boardroom, where two contestants were fired. But while Lenny is diabolically cuddly, Brent is just sort of annoying. He does do a mean robot, however.

After selling memberships to Sam's Club last week, the future leaders of industry that Trump selected for this season had to shill razors. And not just any razor: Fusion, the new five-bladed razor from Gillette. Looks like producer Mark Burnett's hands are biting back at the reality stars they've fed. This episode put Burnett in direct competition with Survivor 2 runner-up Colby Donaldson, whose day job is as the Schick Quattro pitchman.

The team that got the most New Yorkers to text message a certain word to a certain phone number won the task. However, it was never made clear what was in it for those who did send that message. Maybe a sixth blade?

Team Gold Rush, lead by the nearly post-pubescent Lee, badgered people who were waiting in line for tickets to Broadway shows. Getting a captive audience to send text messages on-camera while they waited in line was easy as fish-in-a-barrel pie. Lenny didn't feel at all challenged by the task: "What could be simpler? Water? Air?"

Team Synergy, lead by the ironically sleepy Pepi, was still in bed over an hour after their opponents left the loft. Their time management hinted at a loss. But their sales strategy ensured it.

First, native New Yorker Stacy picked a bad corner for them to make their pitch. Then, they followed management consultant Michael's vision for their marketing campaign, which consisted of nothing more than the team standing around, wearing bathrobes.

At Synergy's site, Sean the Brit stood in his robe and belted out of his megaphone, "Find out if you can handle it." Handle what? It's a razor, not tickets to a cockfight.

Synergy was, predictably, blown out. In the boardroom, Trump said he'd be firing two candidates.

Pepi put the blame on Brent. During a planning meeting, Brent had confronted Stacy in a hallway and told her to stop interrupting him. She had then returned to the group and said Brent threateningly pointed a finger at her. In her defense, his nails did look a little rough. Plus, Stacy bruises easily.

Later, Stacy had admitted to Roxanne -- currently the only likeable person on Synergy -- that she hadn't actually felt like she was in any danger. But in the boardroom, Stacy changed her tune again and said she really had felt threatened.

Neither Trump nor subsititute viceroy Bill Rancic bought Stacy's act. Trump said that, as a criminal defense attorney, she should be embarrassed to feel threatened by Brent. Trump also faulted her for picking a bad location, and she was fired.

Brent got a pass, after Trump's daughter Ivanka (subbing for Carolyn) said Brent would probably be fired soon enough, anyway. So, in order for Trump to fulfill his promise to fire two members of the losing team, project manager Pepi got the boot as well.

Next week, The Apprentice turns into Fear Factor, as contestants ride in golf carts and swim with sharks. What exactly are these people supposed to be learning anyway?

Geology Is Rocks, Geography Is Maps

Ankur & Jennipher were the last team eliminated before the season finale of Beauty and the Geek 2. But Jennipher wasn't about to leave without giving Cher a piece of her mind.

Both Joe & Brittany and Ankur & Jennipher were nervous about the prospect of facing off against Josh & Cher in the finale. In their trips to the elimination room, Josh has only answered one question incorrectly, and Cher hasn't missed any.

When the teams received their study materials for this week's challenge, each contestant was also instructed to film a video thank you card for his or her partner. As usual, Josh fretted over his project, but most everyone finished quickly and began preparing for the challenge.

When Cher chose to work on her tan rather than study with Josh, he decided to try and make her jealous by studying with Brittany. It worked, and soon Cher was yelling for Josh to join her down by the pool.

Josh attempted to stand up to Cher, muttering, "I'm nobody's bitch. I'll go down when I want to go down." Three seconds later, he said, "I'm gonna go down." He gathered up his study materials, as Joe and Brittany laughed.

After scarfing down their dinners, teams were instructed to meet in the library. They watched their video thank yous as a group, which made the guys uncomfortable. They'd assumed only their partners (and millions of TV viewers) would see the videos, and they were concerned about how open and honest they'd been on tape.

Most of the videos were predictably sweet. Ankur joked about how his bickering with Jennipher had earned them the nickname "the married couple." Cher's video was the only surprise, not because she wasn't sweet, but because she was. She took the chance to apologize to Josh for her inconsiderate behavior toward him, surprising the other teams, who thought she was only there for the competition.

Josh thanked Cher for showing him that he was more than just a short, skinny guy. She called the video the best gift she'd ever received.

The next day, everyone participated in the season's first team challenge. While the guys and girls had different tasks within the challenge, the team that finished first would be the only team assured a spot in the finals.

As a part of their study materials, teams were given three catalogs. The beauties went through the catalogs with their geeks, pointing out items they liked. During the challenge, each geek had to find a specific item in three different stores that his partner had chosen as the item she'd most like to receive as a gift.

For their task, the beauties had to direct a driver to each of the stores. While studying geography and orienteering, Brittany explained to Jennipher, "Geology is rocks. Geography is maps." Because she'd once scored nearly 100 percent on a test of African geography in a college class, Brittany was disappointed that the challenge took place in Los Angeles, and not Africa.

Cher quickly navigated her driver to the first store, where Josh picked out Cher's favorite pair of shoes on the first try. Brittany made a wrong turn, which got them to the store just after Josh had finished the task. Joe didn't have a clue what Brittany would like, and resorted to looking under random shoes for the tag marked "Brittany."

Jennipher was so clueless about how to read a map, she and Ankur sat in the car with their driver for an hour before she told him, "Just drive." They ended up finishing the challenge two hours after the other teams.

At the second store, Josh quickly found the red purse that Cher wanted. As he ran out of the shop, she yelled from the car, "Get back in here, you beautiful creature." Joe arrived at the store shortly after Josh left, and had a much easier time with the purse than he had with the shoes.

Josh easily found the necklace Cher wanted from the jewelry store, but panicked when he was told he had to find earrings for her as well. Josh finished and passed Joe on his way out of the store. While Joe had good luck again, he and Brittany couldn't catch up to Josh & Cher.

Knowing that Joe & Brittany were close behind, Josh & Cher ran into the mansion. Upon being told they'd won, Cher tackled Josh, and they rolled around on the floor. Brittany & Joe arrived minutes later.

That evening, before heading to the elimination room, Jennipher asked Cher why she really participated in the show. Cher admitted that, at first, it was all about the prize money for her. She hadn't expected to be affected by the other participants, and her mind changed as she got to know Josh and the others. She was happy to have the chance to live outside of her comfort zone for a while.

At elimination later that night, Brittany reasoned her way through the geography questions and scored a perfect 3-for-3. Jennipher struggled, leaving Ankur with a two point deficit. Although he answered his first two questions correctly, Ankur couldn't beat Joe, who went 2-for-3.

Jennipher said she'd be leaving the game with more confidence and an urge to be more independent. Ankur said that Jennipher helped him realize that it was okay to be himself. In response, Jennipher said she'd consider naming one of her future sons Ankur.

On the season finale, Joe & Brittany face off against Josh & Cher in an elimination round filled with twists.

That Was Partially My Fault

The premiere episode of The Amazing Race 9 sent contestants to Brazil, meaning this season's contestants have already ventured farther outside the U.S. than any did during last season's domestic dominance. Anxious traveller John had just enough time to overcome his fear of flying before he and his partner, Scott, were eliminated.

The team introductions were supposed to look rugged, as contestants were driven to Colorado's Red Rocks Amphitheater in the backs of crappy pickup trucks. Nerds David and Lori hoped for some team-specific Roadblocks and Detours this season, as David described his team's strengths thusly: "She's really great at card games, and I'm really great at taking tests."

TAR 9's first clue instructed teams to take one of three flights to Sao Paolo, Brazil. As teams drove Mercedes sedans to the Denver Airport--the vehicle budget quickly increased from the intro's pickups--this season's villain was revealed. Lake, a Southern dentist, instructed his wife Michelle to exit the highway so that they could find a pay phone and reserve seats on one of the flights.

When they got back on the highway, now with Lake in the driver's seat, Michelle read the clue aloud. It forbade them from reserving tickets by phone. When she pointed out Lake's mistake, he admitted that he hadn't read the whole clue and told Michelle, "That was... partially my fault." He didn't say who else could possibly have been to blame. I'm guessing it was the anti-dentites.

More of Lake's true colors came out in the airport. When Michelle fretted about having arrived last, he told her, "Shut the f--- up." As Michelle raced Yolanda to the ticket counter, Lake yelled, "Don't let that black girl beat you." Later in the episode, Lake referred Yolanda and Ray as "the black team."

Although all three flights arrived within 35 minutes of each other, cab driver trouble put six-foot tall sisters Joni and Lisa well behind the pack, as they headed to retrieve a clue at Sao Paulo's Hotel Unique. John and Scott suffered from similar cabbie problems. Their driver was not only slow; he also bore an eerie resemblance to what John will probably look like in about 10 years.

Bearded pals BJ and Tyler, nicknamed "the hippies" by the other teams, mitigated possible cab problems by having learned some Portuguese phrases on the plane. It was obvious that other teams did not, as half of them thought that the national language of Brazil was Spanish. Joni and Lisa admitted that they'd actually thought Spanish was first language of all non-Americans.

From the hotel, teams had to take another cab to a pedestrian bridge to find their next clue. Although the cluebox was in plain sight, Barry and Fran, the oldest team on the race, spent forty minutes looking for it. They arrived at the bridge in fourth place, but left in eighth.

The bridge clue was a Detour, in which teams had to choose between assembling a motorcycle and taking a helicopter ride to the top of a building in downtown Sao Paolo.

While assembly challenges are often faster for teams with patience and mechanical inclination, bubbly, pink-clad cuties Danielle and Dani arrived at the motorcycle shop with neither--and no one at the shop was willing to help them. Once the duo realized that the only other team at the shop, Fran and Barry, was equally clueless, they headed to the helicopter challenge.

For their second blunder of the day, Fran and Barry spent far too long trying to put the bike together themselves. They then expected Lake and Michelle, who'd arrived after Danielle and Dani had left, to all but put it together for them. As he worked on his bike, Lake told Fran he'd tell her what to do when he was finished.

But Fran didn't have the prerequisite knowledge that Lake assumed she would. When he told her the spark plug went on the engine, she asked, "Where's the engine?" Because they'd spent much of the day among the slower teams, Lake and Michelle couldn't afford to spend too much time micromanaging their competition. So, they left, and Fran and Barry eventually abandoned the bike for the helicopters.

The only other couple to successfully build a motorcycle was Ray and Yolanda. They had the added pressure of being surrounded by a crowd of guys who cheered every time Yolanda bent over. Ray managed to keep his composure and focus on the task, inside of chasing down the catcalling jerks.

The helicopter challenge was relatively easy. After finding a picture of a building in a pilot's handbook, teams showed the picture to a dispatcher. The dispatcher then assigned the team a helicopter pilot, who flew them to the building. There, they searched a small area for a clue, and then headed back to the airfield.

Eric and Jeremy, who other teams called "the frat guys," teased their helicopter pilot, Martinez, about the huge number of women he must get with such a cool job. Martinez may have had a better shot with Dani and Danielle than did Eric and Jeremy. When their two teams crossed paths, the girls rebuffed the frat guys' attempts to flirt.

Being one of the last teams to the airport didn't stop Joni and Lisa from getting excited. As they ran toward their helicopter, a nervous Joni shrieked, "I'm gonna pee my pants. Oh! I just peed my pants!" Then, as she looked out of the window during takeoff, a camera outside of the helicopter captured her screaming face.

After finishing the Detour, teams made their way to nearby neighborhood where they participated in a local religious ceremony, which involved snakes and candles. After the ceremony, teams received another clue, instructing them to head to this episode's Pit Stop: a soccer stadium.

Jeremy and Eric were first to arrive. They jumped on the mat and asked host Phil, "What did we win, Philly?" Phil told them that they'd each won $10,000 for finishing in first place. Eric and Jeremy promised to apply the funds toward their goal of working as little as possible.

John and Scott, whose slow cabs got them to the helicopter challenge last, weren't able to make up any time and were the first team eliminated. John was happy he was able to overcome some of his fears, and Scott said he appreciated "the sharing of the growing of the experience," which probably meant something.

Leaderboard:
1 - Eric and Jeremy
2 - BJ and Tyler
3 - Wanda and Desiree
4 - Lori and David
5 - Lake and Michelle
6 - Monica and Joseph
7 - Ray and Yolanda
8 - Fran and Barry
9 - Danielle and Dani
10 - Joni and Lois
11 - John and Scott (eliminated)

Next time, Eric and Jeremy again attempt to woo Dani and Danielle, and Fran slips on some rocks.

Bob Dog Sent to the Pound

Bobby's abuse of the outhouse put him in the doghouse with his tribemates. As a result, he wound up as the fifth person eliminated from Survivor: Panama - Exile Island.

The mood at Casaya was tense long before they lost the Immunity Challenge that sent them to Tribal Council. Bruce spent the morning of Day 10 building a rock garden, as Aras, Shane, and Courtney futilely tried to make a fire. Aras asked Bruce for help with the fire, but when Bruce told him to collect more firewood, Aras snapped.

Even though there had already been three people working on the fire, Aras yelled at Bruce for not being the fourth. Bruce explained that, with his rock garden, he was trying to make something for everyone in the tribe to enjoy. But Aras didn't understand Bruce's defense and accused him of being selfish. Aras's suggested that they communicate better in the future. Bruce agreed.

At the Reward Challenge later that day, the starving Survivors of both tribes fought to win some much needed food. Each tribe had a boat anchored just offshore, filled with a bag of beans, a bag of rice, and six large (about arm-length) fish. One tribe member ran to the boat to fetch an item, and tossed it to another tribe member. Each item was tossed from person to person until the final tribe member pitched it into the proper receptacle.

The tribe member at the end of the line was crucial, as the team's runner couldn't fetch the next item from the boat until the previous one was in its bin. And the fish couldn't be thrown into their bin until the head and tail fin were hacked off with a large knife. Bruce put Casaya behind early, as he took over a dozen swings to chop off the first fish's head, turning the poor thing into chum.

Teammates were allowed to switch places, and Bobby took over as Casaya's butcher. He found a hidden talent, chopping off body parts with a single stroke. Casaya made up ground on La Mina when Sally needed multiple attempts to catch a fish thrown by Dan. Bobby and Terry each had their final fish on the block at the same time, but Bobby's hacking efficiency won the challenge for Casaya.

As their reward, Casaya won all of the food they had successfully tossed into their bins, along with spices, cooking oil, and a bottle of wine. La Mina didn't leave empty-handed; they were allowed to take either their bag of beans or their bag of rice back to camp. They chose the beans.

Casaya sent Terry back to Exile Island for another couple of days. Having already found the hidden Immunity Idol, Terry took the opportunity to rest up before the next challenge. He built a fire and munched on snails and coconut.

Like last week, Terry had a much easier time on Exile Island than his tribemates did at camp. Austin and Nick overindulged in the newly won beans and spent the night in serious gastro-intestinal distress. While Nick didn't think it was polite to discuss details, his tribemates threw about the phrase "coming out of both ends."

Things weren't much better for Casaya, after they returned home with their winnings. Torrential rains had flooded the whole camp, washing away the fire pit and soaking the shelter. Rather than let the fish go to waste, they ate it raw. For Cirie, it was a rude introduction to sashimi.

That night, Bobby and Bruce found their tribemates hogging the dry space in the shelter and headed into the tribe's outhouse to avoid the rain. Bobby brought the bottle of wine, and he and Bruce polished it off.

When the Courtney noticed the missing bottle the next morning, she confronted Bobby. He confessed that he drank it, but said he wasn't sorry that he deprived Courtney of her share of the wine. He apologized to everyone except Courtney, who he called "probably one of the two or three most annoying people on Earth."

When the two tribes arrived at the Immunity Challenge, Terry was in much better shape than the rest of La Mina. Only half of the challenge was physical, which allowed Austin to rest his aching GI tract. Casaya had to sit two people, and because Danielle and Courtney had sat out of the Reward Challenge, Cirie and Bruce did not participate.

The first half of the challenge required three tribe members to paddle a boat to the locations of four submerged coffins. Competitors dove underwater and untied ropes that held the coffins shut. In each coffin was a three-dimensional puzzle piece, made of connected skulls. Once they were all collected, the pieces were rowed back to shore, where the two remaining tribe members assembled them into a pyramid-shaped puzzle.

La Mina's Terry, Dan, and Nick quickly gained a lead on Casaya's Courtney, Danielle, and Aras, who struggled to open their coffins. This gave Sally and Austin time to try plenty of puzzle combinations before Casaya got their pieces to shore. Bobby and Shane were just starting to figure out the puzzle when Sally and Austin finished, and La Mina was spared a trip to Tribal Council.

Immediately upon returning to camp, Aras, Courtney, Shane, and Cirie discussed who should be voted out. While Shane favored eliminating Bobby, Aras persuaded everyone to vote for Bruce. Cirie didn't care who went home, as long as it wasn't her.

Shane was worried that Bobby would join with Nick and Austin at the merge. So he coerced Bobby into swearing (on Shane's son, no less, not that Bobby knows or cares about Shane's son) that he wouldn't. In exchange, Shane promised Bobby at least sixth place.

With the decision to eliminate Bruce settled, Courtney commandeered his rock garden for yoga practice. Even though he was totally disgusted that she couldn't find another spot on the entire beach, Bruce held his tongue.

Danielle, who wasn't around for the Aras's initial discussion about that night's vote, talked with Cirie and Courtney. She convinced them to switch their vote back to Bobby. They all felt that Bobby wasn't trustworthy, and Courtney thought it would be fun to knock Aras down a peg by changing their votes.

When the women approached Shane about their decision, he scolded Courtney for not telling him before he swore not to eliminate Bobby. He reminded them that he was the one who'd wanted to boot Bobby in the first place. Cirie played peacemaker, telling Shane that they should've listened to him then.

It's clear nobody on Casaya has any idea how well Cirie is playing this game. By remaining involved socially with everyone--and becoming enemies with no one--she's successfully avoiding being mentioned as a voting target. She's managed this despite having no alliances, and since almost getting booted out in each of the first two episodes.

At Tribal Council, Jeff asked how the rain had affected Casaya's camp, prompting Bobby to tell of his night in the outhouse with Bruce. Aras said that Bruce deserved just as much of the blame for drinking the wine as Bobby did. When Bruce asked Aras why no one had said anything earlier to him about it, Aras said, "The onus wasn't on us to come to you, it was on you to apologize for it!" Aras has no future in criminal justice.

Danielle jumped into the fray, saying that Bruce doesn't get the respect that he deserves as an older member of the tribe. But Bruce assured Aras that he'd take his comments to heart, and that they'd be hearing a lot more from him whenever there was a problem.

The voting results showed just how fractured the Casaya tribe is. The alliance of women voted for Bobby as they'd agreed, but Shane cast a meaningless vote for Aras. Bobby and Aras both voted for Bruce, who himself cast a vote for Courtney, as payback for defacing his rock garden. If the women stick together, they should be able to control who's eliminated from their tribe until the merge, which should only be an episode or two away, anyhow.

Next week, the Casaya women have Shane in their crosshairs, and a couple of twists (the previews offered no specifics) shake things up for the contestants.