Pirate Master: Episode 5

Sean shouldn't have been surprised when there were consequences for not keeping his promises.

Cheryl's ouster at the end of the last episode of Pirate Master brought the tension that had been building between Sean and Nessa to a head. Nessa called Sean "two-faced," and Sean said that Nessa was too flirtatious.

Out of nowhere, Jupiter popped in the room and offered her own opinion of Nessa: "She's a bitch."

The bickering took a backseat the next morning when it was time for another treasure hunt. Captain Louie and his officers, Sean and Nessa, were joined on the Black Crew by Joe Don, Christa, and Joy. The Red Crew was made of Azmyth, Laurel, Jupiter, Kendra, Ben, and Jay.

The crews rowed to shore and beached their boats next to a giant anchor. Then they ran through the woods to a forested area where they searched among the trees for a playing card of a particular suit (Black had clubs, Red had hearts).

The Black Crew was able to find their card quickly; hidden with it was another clue and a spyglass. The clue instructed them to run back to the beach and use the glass to find a "heart" on one of two nearby islands.

On the way to the beach, the crew crossed a small stream. In the process, Capt. Louie got the spyglass wet, rendering it useless. As Sean and Joe Don stood around complaining, the Red Team emerged from the forest.

Finally, Christa pointed out that, since there were only two islands and they were right next to each other, they should just start rowing out to them, looking for the heart. When they got closer, they'd be able to see the heart (which turned out to be a wooden shape nailed to a tree) without the aid of the spyglass.

Logic won the day and the Black Crew got its meager lead back. On the island, they were first to find another clue which directed them to look under a specific palm tree for the buried treasure.

The Black Crew was already digging when the Red Crew showed up. Christa stopped digging in one spot and moved on to another, and Jay took over looking in her original spot. There, he found the treasure, giving victory to the Red Crew and unseating Captain Louie.

The only positive outcome for the Black Crew was that Louie officially ended his season-long feud with Joe Don, stating, "No longer is there vengeance in my heart."

The Red Crew recovered $40,000 in gold coins (which they divided evenly), and elected Azmyth captain for a second time. Azmyth realized that his best bet to win the next challenge was to choose the two strongest people for his officers, so he picked Ben and Jay.

That evening, as the pirates decided whether or not to bid on the Royal Pardon, Nessa spied on a conversation between Sean and Jupiter. Both were determined to outbid Nessa for the pardon, and Jupiter had nearly $15,000 at her disposal.

Nessa told her pal Joe Don about the conversation, and said she planned to bid around $6000. Joe Don didn't think that would be enough, and he gave her $2500 of his own money to up her bid -- not a bad idea since she had to buy the Pardon from Joe Don anyway. He'd get the money back and gain an ally.

The next morning, Azmyth, Jay, and Ben talked about who should receive the Black Spot and be eligible to be cut adrift. Louie was an obvious choice since he'd asked to get one in the event that he lost his captaincy.

Nessa's name came up next, since she'd been obsessing about securing the Pardon for herself. Just because of that, they decided not to give her the Black Spot. They gave it to her enemy, Sean, instead.

Finally, Jay suggested that the last Spot go to Laurel. She didn't seem to be playing the game strategically, and that made Jay uncomfortable. If he couldn't predict how Laurel would vote, he couldn't adjust his game plan. Azmyth and Ben didn't have any better ideas, so Laurel got the Spot.

At Pirates Court, Azmyth -- minus his former fake accent -- explained that Louie was in danger per his own request, Sean had been trying to "play both sides," and Laurel hadn't chosen a side.

When she was given the floor, Laurel said that she didn't know there were sides. Azmyth answered with an incoherent explanation in which he had to admit that there weren't actually two groups acting in opposition to each other. But he said that Laurel needed to take more initiative around the ship.

The votes were cast, and Laurel didn't receive any votes. Sean received four more votes than Louie, so his fate depended on whether he had outbid the $9000 Nessa offered for the Pardon. He hadn't, and Sean was cut adrift.

Next time, Joe Don and Nessa get extremely friendly.

Ox Notes: June 29, 2007

For those of you wondering about my recap of Pirate Master, it will be up later today. Last night was the most important holiday in the Gibsonian Calendar -- the NBA Draft -- and Pirate Master aired during the time when the Chicago Bulls would be making their pick. I'll watch the recording as soon as I stop celebrating the Bulls selection of the stellar Joakim Noah.

Joey McIntyre is blogging for People about the Dancing with the Stars tour, and in his first entry he says that he's "not partial to Alec Mazo's chest."

If you're not sure what to do this weekend, you've got two chances to meet some of the biggest names in reality television: the Reality TV Convention in Nashville, or the Reality All-Stars benefit for Operation Smile in Hollywood. Just know that the charity event drew the bigger and better list of stars.

TV Guide updated its list of Top Cult Shows, including some of my favorite shows: Firefly, Veronica Mars, and Battlestar Galactica.

And MSN has an article about the best fake TV bands, inspired by HBO's new show about a made up band, Flight of the Conchords. If you're not yet familiar with the New Zealand comic duo, enjoy "Business Time:"

SYTYCD 3, Top 16: Results

Surprising voting results lead to the elimination of two talented dancers on So You Think You Can Dance.

The Top 16 Results Show started with the group dancing to "The Lioness Hunt" from the musical The Lion King, choreographed by TyceDiOrio.

Lauren & Neil and Lacey & Kameron were the first two couples brought onto the stage to learn their fates. Lacey & Kameron were safe, making Lauren & Neil the first pair in the Bottom 3.

The next three couples up were Jamie & Hok, Sabra & Dominic, and Sara & Jesus. Jamie & Hok were safe, as were Sabra & Dominic, putting Sara & Jesus in the Bottom.

Before the next couple in the Bottom 3 was revealed, host Cat Deeley announced that Jessi had received medical clearance to perform. She'd still have to dance a solo tonight, but as a treat, Jessi & Pasha danced the Cha Cha they'd rehearsed before her collapse. It was fantastic.

When asked about her condition, Jessi explained that she'd gotten dehydrated, which led to an abnormal EKG. But she said Pasha stayed by her side in the hospital, and she called him "Prince Charming" and her "wannabe boyfriend."

Then Cat revealed that Pasha was safe from the Bottom Three.

Finally, it was down to Shauna & Cedric and Anya & Danny for the final spot in the Bottom 3. Anya & Danny received that dubious distinction, to the obvious displeasure of the judges who we're looking for a chance to get rid of Cedric. Nigel said, "Five million people voted, and five million people got it wrong."

Then it was time for the solos:
Lauren -- Kevin Federline, "Popozao"
Neil -- Ben Jelen, "Come On"
Sara -- Queen Latifah, "Ladies First"
Jesus -- The Romantics, "What I Like About You"
Jessi -- Omarion, "Ice Box"
Danny -- Elliott Yamin, "A Song For You"
Anya -- Eva Cassidy, "Fields of Gold"

Before the judges announced who would be going home, Fergie performed "Glamorous," with a little help from Ludacris.

The judges brought the girls out first, and Nigel told them that none of their performances were very good. Without any other buildup, Nigel told Jessi to go. She was obviously shocked, as was Cat. Jessi teared up when she said she'd miss Pasha.

Nigel then told the guys that the judges didn't want to decide which one of them to send home. But he said that Jesus was slightly less outstanding than the other two guys during his solo, and that he'd be going home. Jesus said he'd miss his buddies, Hok and Dominic, and then started to cry when talking about Sara.

The eliminations mean that, in two weeks, Sara & Pasha will dance in a new partnership.

Ox Notes: June 28, 2007

The world's greatest living actor, Bruce Campbell, returns to the small screen tonight with the premiere of Burn Notice on USA at 10 ET. Variety has the early review of the spy drama in which Bruce plays an intelligence officer "whose favorite pastimes are drinking and ogling women."

E!'s Kristin Veitch says that Mia Michaels was so unhappy with Cedric's performance during rehearsals that she didn't want him to perform her piece at Monday's So You Think You Can Dance taping.

The cast of of Big Brother 8 was announced, as well as a twist that will allow one cast member to win additional money for performing tasks voted on by viewers.

Fans of Veronica Mars will be pleased to learn that Jason Dohring, who played Logan on VM, has joined the cast of CBS's new series Moonlight.

TBS and TNT have purchased the exclusive cable rights to Rush Hour 3, even though the movie won't be released for another six weeks, prompting me to ask: they're making Rush Hour 3?

SYTYCD 3, Week 6: Performances

A medical emergency led to a very interesting pairing on tonight's edition of So You Think You Can Dance.

Joining Nigel and Mary at the judges table was the woman responsible for Fame, Debbie Allen.

Sara & Jesus -- Krump
Song: The Game feat. Junior Reid, "It's Okay (One Blood)"
Choreographer: LiL'C
To quote LiL'C, they were pretty "buck." Nigel called Sara a "gangsta," and Mary screamed, "Loved it!"

Shauna & Cedric -- Contemporary
Song: The Family Stand, "I Thought We Had"
Choreographer: Mia Michaels
Mia made the strange choice to have Cedric spend a good chunk of the dance sitting on the floor pretending to cry. All of the judges praised Shauna, but Mary told Cedric, "I don't feel that you should stay in the competition any longer." Debbie invited Cedric to join her at the Debbie Allen Dance Academy on a scholarship.

Lacey & Kameron -- Quickstep
Song: Big Bad Voodoo Daddy, "Big and Bad"
Choreographer: Tony Meredith
Totally fun, and as competent as we've been led to expect from these two! Debbie called the performance "sassy and adorable."

Anya & Danny -- Hip-Hop
Song: Timbaland, "Oh Timbaland"
Choreographer: Dan Karaty
It was impressive for a couple of non-hip-hoppers. Debbie called them "The Dream Team." Nigel said this was the least comfortable they've looked thus far, but said that he was holding them to a higher standard than some of the other couples.

Sabra & Dominic -- Rumba
Song: Pussycat Dolls, "Stickwitu"
Choreographer: Jean-Marc Genereux
Sabra & Dominic are becoming one of the couples to beat. "Call the fire department, honey, that was hot!" exclaimed Debbie. And Mary awarded them "two tickets on the Hot Tamale Train."

Lauren & Neil -- Tango
Song: Sexteto Mayor, "Tanguera"
Choreographer: Jean-Marc Genereux
The performance was good, but not memorable. Mary liked the beginning, but said they lost their fire as the routine went on. Nigel said Neil overdanced it, but said he, and the other guys on the show, "danced like dudes."

Jamie & Hok -- Jazz
Song: "The Chairman's Waltz" from Memoirs of a Geisha
Choreographer: Wade Robson
Wade's vision of a love story between a hummingbird and a flower may have been too staccato in its movements to be considered romantic, but Jamie & Hok executed the physically challenging routine perfectly. Debbie called the piece "brilliant," and Mary said the performance was "a step up from last week."

Pasha & Melanie LaPatin -- Cha Cha
Song: Jennifer Lopez"Let's Get Loud"
Choreographer: Tony Meredith
During the dress rehearsal, Jessi felt ill and was taken to the hospital. An EKG revealed a heart problem, and Jessi was still at the hospital when the show was filmed. So Cat announced that Pasha would be dancing with "Tony Meredith's assistant, Melanie." Tony's assistant was none other than his former professional partner and Latin dance champion, Melanie LaPatin (who was also featured on a What No To Wear episode a few years back).

Pasha -- a Latin dancer by training -- knocked the Cha Cha out of the park. Mary screamed at Pasha, "You are hot, hot, hot!"

Nigel clarified that Jessi will have to "dance for her life" at the Results show no matter if Pasha is voted into the Bottom Three or not. If the doctors won't allow her to dance, Jessie will be cut from the competition.

My favorite performance of the night was Sabra & Dominic's Rumba. And I'll be surprised if Shauna & Cedric are able to avoid a trip to the bottom.

Ox Notes: June 27, 2007

Fans with tickets to the July 3 Dancing with the Stars tour stop in Bridgeport, Connecticut are in for a treat: Apolo Anton Ohno and John Ratzenberger will make a special appearance at that performance. Apolo has agreed to give four additional performances on the tour in Raleigh, Hershey, Wilkes-Barre, and Atlantic City.

If you just can't wait to watch tonight's episode of So You Think You Can Dance, click here for a list of spoilers about how each couple performed (the Wednesday night shows are filmed on Monday). SYTYCD is off next week because of the Independence Day holiday.

Ahead of tonight's new episode of Top Chef, head judge Tom Colicchio gave an interview to TV Guide in which he divulges his junk food vices: pizza, popcorn, and licorice.

In other Top Chef news, first season winner Harold Dieterle says he was forced to participate in the all-star challenge which preceded Season 3; he would've rather been working at his new restaurant, Perilla.

And finally, Trishelle Cannatella says she's only slept with three of her fellow Real World cast members. Let's see if she can make it through the whole season of Reunited: The Real World Vegas without adding to that list.

Ox Notes: June 26, 2007

NBC has hired Joey Fatone to host their new game show, The Singing Bee. In order to be ready for the show's premiere on July 10, Fatone plans to commute between show tapings and Dancing with the Stars tour performances until the tour ends on July 24.

Another new show premiering tonight is Shaq's Big Challenge, which sounds kind of like a kids edition of The Biggest Loser. The NBA star gave TV Guide the scoop on the show.

Aspiring singers get ready -- audition dates for American Idol 7 have been announced:

• San Diego: July 30 at Qualcomm Stadium
• Dallas: Aug. 6 at Texas Stadium
• Omaha: Aug. 10 at Qwest Center
• Atlanta: Aug. 14 at a location to be announced
• Charleston, SC: Aug. 18 at N. Charleston Coliseum
• Miami: Aug. 22 at AmericanAirlines Arena
• Philadelphia: Aug. 27 at Wachovia Center

American Idol's website has all of the audition details.

Ox Notes: June 25, 2007

Just when you've had your fill of talent competitions thanks to America's Got Talent, So You Think You Can Dance, The Next Best Thing, and Last Coming Standing, NBC has decided to move up the release date of its musical quiz show The Singing Bee from the fall to July 10 -- just so that it can beat the release of Fox's musical quiz show Don't Forget the Lyrics by one day.

In other game show news, Rosie O'Donnell says she won't be taking over hosting duties at The Price Is Right. That narrows the field of potential hosts to a bunch of former Dancing with the Stars cast members: George Hamilton, John O'Hurley, Mario Lopez, and Ian Ziering.

Ian Ziering may be in a bit of trouble, however. Rumor has it that he's the one who leaked the news that Jennie Garth will be on the next season of DwtS.

In case this summer's DwtS tour didn't stop in a city near you, here's a review of the Dallas performance, as well as an interview with tour choreographer Louis van Amstel.

Finally, Maksim Chmerkovskiy seems pretty disgruntled after three trophy-less seasons on DwtS. When asked, "If you could have any celebrity in the world as a partner, who would you choose? Who is your ideal?" he responded:

"I have no idea, but my ideal situation would be if Len was not judging any more."

You can read the rest of Maks's response at Lauren Barth's GlamScene blog.

Pirate Master: Episode 4

Did this week's new captain pardon Joe Don?

The latest episode of Pirate Master began with Sean apologizing to Jay. "I'd made kind of a pact with Jay to vote for Cheryl," said Sean, regarding having received $1000 from Jay in exchange for a vote for Cheryl -- and then voting for Alexis instead.

Taking money isn't "kind of a pact," Sean. It's a contract. Or a bribe.

After a relaxing morning under faux-British Captain Azmyth's leadership, it was time for another treasure hunt. Azmyth, Jupiter, and Jay were joined on the Black Crew by Joe Don, Cheryl, Laurel, and Christa. The Red Crew comprised Louie, Sean, Ben, Joy, Kendra, and Nessa.

The Black Crew had the advantage in terms of physical ability, and they dominated the first half of a race through the jungle. On the Red Crew, Joy continued to have knee troubles, and Kendra and Louie lagged behind.

Louie kept an upbeat attitude during his difficult jungle run: "I just kinda look at Nessa's butt and forget about the jungle."

Inside a small cave, each team held up a map, and a sunbeam reflected off a small mirror, creating an 'X' that highlighted the location of the buried treasure. The 'X' fell on a large anchor on the beach near where the crews had tied their boats, and Azmyth lead his team back through the jungle.

But, at the beach, Azmyth had his team looking for an actual giant 'X.' When he didn't see an 'X' near the anchor, he led his team further down the beach. Since Azmyth was the only person on his team who'd looked at the map inside the cave, his teammates had no choice but to follow him.

After a futile search, the Black Crew decided to run back to the cave and have multiple team members look at the map. Meanwhile, the Red Crew started digging in the black sand around the anchor.

Once they'd confirmed where to look, the Black Crew ran back to the beach hoping to make up for lost time. But it was too late. Kendra found the buried treasure chest, and for a second week in a row, the captain was ousted.

Back aboard the pirate ship, the Red Crew elected a reluctant Louie captain. He chose Nessa and Sean for his officers -- a smart move, since he ensured that two of the strongest players would be on his team for next week's hunt.

The treasure chest contained a measly $5000, which Capt. Louie split evenly amongst his crew. But it also contained a Royal Pardon, which would save the person who possessed it from elimination at the next Pirates Court.

Louie was given temporary custody of the Pardon. Pirates who felt they were at risk had a few hours to decide how much gold they'd be willing to pay for the Pardon. The pirate who submitted the highest bid would pay Louie for the pardon at Pirates Court after the votes were cast, but before the results were read.

The only catch was, if the pirate with the Pardon didn't need to use it at Pirates Court, he or she could not save it for the next week -- and would be out all of the money paid for the Pardon. The Pardon would be up for bid again.

While explaining the rules of the Pardon to the whole crew, Louie pointed out that Joe Don had a lot more money than anyone else, and the Pardon was his, if he was willing to pay for it.

Knowing that Louie was out to get him, Joe Don pulled his lackey, Jay, aside. Trying to exploit Jay's friendship with Louie, Joe Don said, "If I get a black spot, me and you, our deal, what we got going on [a loose alliance since the first day] is negated."

The ultimatum angered Jay, who stormed off and bid all of his money -- $6001 -- on the Pardon, hoping to keep it out of Joe Don's hands.

The following morning, after all of the bids were cast, Louie and his officers set about assigning black spots to three crew members. Joe Don got one of the spots, and his buddy, Cheryl, got another.

Louie decided to assign the third black spot to Azmyth, as a way of measuring how the crew felt about Azmyth's leadership style. Louie said that, after any captain was ousted, he should be given the black spot -- and hoped that he himself would receive one after his turn was over.

At Pirates Court, instead of just apologizing for getting his crew lost, Azmyth -- now conspicuously sans fake accent -- said his crew gained valuable memories through his mistakes and got some extra exercise. Cheryl said, in her defense, that she'd never "messed up a clue or put everybody in the wrong direction."

Then Joe Don did his best Jonathan Antin impression and said that he didn't understand why Louie hated him so much. He told Louie, "I don't deserve what you're throwing at me, dude. I love you, brother." Then he said that he wasn't sorry for keeping most of the money from the first two treasures for himself.

The crew cast their votes, and before the results were read, host Cameron Daddo revealed that Joe Don had won the Royal Pardon with a bid of $7000. But it turned out Joe Don didn't need the Pardon after all -- Cheryl received four votes to his three.

As she floated away on her raft, Cheryl said that she hadn't even bid on the Pardon. If her crew wanted her gone, she felt it best just to go.

Next week, Louie's officers, Sean and Nessa, turn on one another.

SYTYCD 3, Week 5: Results Show

The judges gave the dancer who seemed most in danger of elimination one last chance to shine on So You Think You Can Dance.

Tonight's Results Show began with a group dance choreographed by Shane Sparks to Wade Robson's "It Was All In Your Mind."

After the performance, the first three couples took the stage. Lauren & Neil were told they were safe, as were Jamie & Hok. Jessi & Pasha wound up in the Bottom 3, to the shock of the studio audience and the judges.

Then the second group of couples was up. Lacey & Kameron, Anya & Danny, and Sabra & Dominic were all safe.

That meant that Faina & Cedric, Shauna & Jimmy, and Sara & Jesus were all in danger. Sara & Jesus were the only couple to walk away unscathed. The judges said they were not shocked to see either Shauna & Jimmy or Faina & Cedric at the bottom.

Then, it was time for the six couples at the bottom to dance for their lives. Here are the songs they danced to:
Jessi -- Kina, "Hurts So Bad"
Pasha -- Robert Randolph & The Family Band, "Ain't Nothin' Wrong With That"
Shauna -- Lifehouse, "Everything"
Jimmy -- Charlotte Martin, "Veins"
Faina -- The Contours, "Do You Love Me"
Cedric -- Imogen Heap, "Hide and Seek"

Cedric gave the same solo performance he's given all season, while Shauna absolutely killed in her performance, doing spins that I didn't know were possible without ice skates. And Faina had crimped hair.

As the judges deliberated which dancers to eliminate, Daddy Yankee performed live.

Finally, it was time for the judges to announce their decision. The girls were up first, and the judges were quick to tell Shauna that, due to her great solo performance, she was safe. The judges unanimously decided that Faina's solo didn't cut it, and she was told to go.

Before announcing which boy was eliminated, Nigel said that this decision was not unanimous. Nigel first told Pasha that he was safe, warning that he would need better solos in the future.

Then Nigel said that the judges were faced with choosing between good dancing and uniqueness. Mary opted for good dancing (Jimmy), while Mia and Nigel chose uniqueness (Cedric). But Nigel told Cedric that this was his last chance, and said that he wouldn't save Cedric, should he fall to the bottom three in the future.

Because they lost their partners, Cedric and Shauna will dance as a pair from now on.

Ox Notes: June 21, 2007

VH-1 is planning a bunch of new reality shows for the fall. One show will follow '80s hip hoppers Salt 'N' Pepa, while aspiring fashion photographers compete on another. I'm most looking forward to America's Most Smartest Model -- a quiz show for models hosted by Ben Stein.

Meanwhile, Fox's On The Lot keeps on losing viewers. It's now being watched by only 2.5 million people, and is losing out to shows like Ice Road Truckers on the History Channel.

In case you were wondering, Coral from The Real World recently came out as a lesbian.

Finally, enjoy this list of movie and TV roles turned down by famous actors. Then try to imagine the series Buffy The Vampire Slayer starring Katie Holmes as Buffy.

Ox Notes: June 20, 2007

With the fall TV season looming, there's no shortage of new reality shows in development. Donald Trump is partnering with MTV in an attempt to salvage disgraced Miss USA Tara Connor's career. She'll play "den mother" to other pageant winners on Pageant Place.

And Rob Mariano is developing his own show that will be "bigger than Survivor, bigger than The Amazing Race." I doubt that, considering that the show's title, Tontine, doesn't exactly roll off the tongue and refers to an obscure kind of financial arrangement.

Why all of the new reality shows? Because that's what viewers are watching this summer.

Rumors are circulating that Survivor 16 (the one following Survivor: China) will be another all-star edition. Rob Mariano, however, will not be eligible, since the field will consist of players from seasons 9-15.

Finally, after watching the most recent episode of MTV's The Inferno 3, I have to recommend the show even if you've never seen an episode of The Real World or Road Rules. Why? Kenny Santucci.

Kenny joined the RW/RR Challenge fold three seasons ago, and the guy never fails to crack me up. Here's an example of one of his narcissistic gems from last night's show, which you can view in its entirety here: "I'm not one to rub it in peoples' faces how great I am, but ask me what I'm bad at. Nothing."

There's not a whole lot of info available on Jersey-boy Kenny (why would there be? He competes on MTV game shows for a living). But I did find his name on the roster of a management company, and their list of clients is an impressive Who's Who of reality stars.

Ox Notes: June 19, 2007

Despite the headlines, don't get your hopes up that Al Pacino will join the cast of Dancing with the Stars. Here's the full quote he gave to Time: "Actually, I would consider it. All due respect and trying to be as modest as I can be, I am a dancer. But I don't think I would be on Dancing with the Stars mainly because I would be too shy."

In other ballroom news, the New York Post reports that one of So You Think You Can Dance contestant Faina Savich's dance teachers was none other than DwtS's Karina Smirnoff.

NBC is reportedly trying to lure Jon Stewart to their network, and may even pay off Conan O'Brien to give Stewart his spot.

Ox Notes: June 18, 2007

I'm still trying to unscramble my brain after watching a DVD marathon of the first season of the The Wire this weekend. As I hoped/feared, it was wonderful -- but it'll be weeks until I can get a hold of one of my library's copies of The Wire -- The Complete Second Season. To quote Tom Petty, "The waiting is the hardest part."

In the meantime, there's always Age of Love, which debuts tonight at 9 EST on NBC. Host Mark Consuelos discussed the show's charming premise -- pitting women in their 40s against women in their 20s in a fight for the affection of tennis player Mark Philippoussis -- with TV Guide.

Across the pond, the winner of the first season of Britain's Got Talent was announced last night. Paul Potts, a cell phone salesman from Wales, won by singing opera. The video is one of his earlier performances, and it is incredible.

Pirate Master: Episode 3

Even on a ship full of pirates, politeness counts.

As the seafarers journeyed to the site of their next treasure hunt, professional glass blower Laurel mused about how living in a van for the last year prepared her for Pirate Master: "Being a pirate is more about your state of mind than anything. Doesn't matter if you're on a boat or on a van."

Fashion publicist Alexis was similarly philosophical about life on a ship: "Dude, like, this is a lot of work."

Then it was time to choose teams and hunt for loot. Captain Joe Don and his officers Cheryl and Ben lead the Black Crew, accompanied by Alexis, Joy, Laurel, and Sean. If his Red Crew was successful, Louie's nemesis, Capt. Joe Don, would lose his title.

Rowing to shore, the Red Crew gained a lead on Black. The lead grew when, after getting out of the boat to pull it over a sand bar, Alexis refused to get back in the Black Crew's boat, preferring to walk on the sand instead.

After a run through the jungle, both teams arrived at a river to hunt for a submerged skull containing the key to the next treasure chest. Louie found the key for the Red Crew, and the race was essentially over.

The treasure chest they brought back to the boat contained $35,000 in gold pieces. More important than the money, Joe Don and his cronies were out, and the Red Crew needed to elect a new captain. They chose seventh-level chaotic evil sorcerer Azmyth, who picked his crush, Jupiter, and Jay to be his officers.

Azmyth's rise to power immediately brought about some changes. First, he combined his share of the money with his officers', and they divvied it up so that everyone on the Red Crew got the same amount.

More importantly, Azmyth inexplicably began speaking with a quasi-British accent. Jay said it was "like somebody gave him, like, an English pill or something," since the accent only surfaced after Azmyth first walked into the captain's quarters.

But the pill never wore off, and the accent remained, even as the captain and his officers deliberated over which crew members should be given The Black Spot, marking them for elimination.

Alexis was an obvious choice, after the way her dawdling hurt her team. They hoped a black spot might serve to motivate Laurel, who seemed to be coasting. That left one more spot, and Joe Don certainly deserved it.

But Jay -- who'd been getting money on the side from Joe Don -- suggested that Cheryl might be the better choice. He didn't like her aloof attitude, and he argued that she should be forced to defend why she's kept her distance from the rest of the crew.

Captain Azmyth and his officers gave the final spot to Cheryl. Once the crew learned who was up for elimination, Jay began to rally troops to get rid of Cheryl. Nessa, Christa, and Kendra were on board, as was Louie, who was eager to get rid of anyone remotely tied to Joe Don.

Since eight pirates would vote to determine who would be cut adrift, Jay needed to secure one more vote against Cheryl for a majority. He gave Sean, who was inclined to vote for Alexis, $1000 to vote his way.

At Pirates Court, Aussie host Cameron Daddo asked Azmyth, "Have you got an accent now?" Azmyth replied that it came with the hat and coat. He then explained his reasoning for giving the black spot to Cheryl, Laurel, and Alexis.

Jay arrogantly disclosed that he'd been the one to nominate Cheryl for elimination, because of the way she "looked down her nose" at him. If she didn't go home that night, Jay had made himself an enemy with that speech.

Then it was time for the three pirates in jeopardy to defend themselves. Laurel said that she really wanted to be there, and hoped everyone knew it. Cheryl said that she'd stayed apart from the crew at Joe Don's request, and was doing her best to be a team player.

Alexis offered an argument that has become the standard reality show explanation for a bad attitude: "I'm me, and I haven't put up any front or any facade, or tried to do any sugar-coated tap dance 'this is me' for any of you. You know what you're getting."

The essence of that argument is, "I'm a jerk, and I'm not going to change for you," and that 'sugar-coating' is more commonly known as manners. Admitting to a lack of understanding of basic social graces didn't give Alexis' fellow pirates much reason to keep her around.

When the votes were cast, they were split evenly between Cheryl and Alexis. It turns out that, in the event of a tie, the captain casts the deciding vote. Azmyth voted for Alexis, and she was cut adrift.

Next week, Sean has to explain to Jay why he changed his vote from Cheryl to Alexis.

SYTYCD 3, Week 4: Results Show

Tonight on So You Think You Can Dance, the judges cut the two dancers they felt gave the worst solo performances -- even though it meant eliminating a couple of early favorites.

The Results Show started with all twenty contestants performing Wade Robson's choreography to Busta Rhymes's "Put Your Hands Where My Eyes Can See."

Recapping last night's show, Jamie & Hok and Anya & Danny were told they were safe, while Sabra & Dominic became the first couple in the Bottom Three.

Then, Lacey & Kameron, Ashlee & Ricky, Sara & Jesus, and Jessi & Pasha were brought on stage. Ashlee & Ricky were told they were the next couple to join the Bottom Three. Nigel said that, in future choreography, their height should be taken into consideration, so that Ashlee doesn't look much larger than Ricky.

Finally Faina & Cedric, Lauren & Neil, and Shauna & Jimmy took the stage, where Faina & Cedric learned they were the last couple in the Bottom Three.

Before the six dancers at the bottom danced to stay in the competition, reigning SYTYCD champ Benji Schwimmer returned to dance -- dropping his pants at the end of the performance to show off his American flag underpants. Somewhere in the distance, I could've sworn I heard a someone singing "America the Beautiful."

The solo performances were to the following songs:
Sabra -- David Gray, "Shine"
Dominic -- Earth, Wind & Fire, "Let's Groove"
Ashlee -- Barbra Streisand, "Cry Me a River"
Ricky -- Jamiroquai, "Virtual Insanity"
Faina -- Christina Aguilera, "Ain't No Other Man"
Cedric -- Wade Robson, "Dream Within a Dream"

While the judges deliberated, musician Lloyd performed the song that Faina & Cedric danced to last night: "Get It Shawty."

The judges rendered their verdict on the girls first. Sabra and Faina were told they were safe. Speaking for the judges, Nigel said that Ashlee's solo relied to heavily on emotion -- at the expense of technique -- and she was sent home.

Of the boys, Cedric was the first told he was safe, and Dominic evidently saved himself by taking his shirt off during his routine (while spinning on his head). The judges felt that Ricky's performance wasn't up to his usual standards, and he was given the axe.

Ox Notes: June 14, 2007

We may have our first two official cast members for Dancing with the Stars 5: former Spice Girl Melanie Brown and actress Jennie Garth. Publicists for both women are openly discussing their clients' preparations for the upcoming season.

Another fall season casting rumor: WWE diva Ashley Massaro may be a participant in the next edition of Survivor.

In news of another Mark Burnett show, scientist/exotic dancer John revealed that, thankfully, there is a "ghost crew" that keeps the Pirate Master boat afloat.

Finally, a Variety article about Spike's new development strategy mentioned that the network paid $2 million per episode to air reruns of CSI: New York. No wonder the rest of their programming is Star Trek reruns and Jean-Claude Van Damme films -- not that I'm complaining.

SYTYCD 3, Week 4: Performance Show

So You Think You Can Dance 3's top twenty dancers performed in pairs tonight. Here's what each couple danced.

Jamie & Hok -- Hip Hop
Song: Eve, "Tambourine"
Choreographer: Shane Sparks
Shane voiced his objections from the audience when Nigel said he thought the choreography held Hok back.

Anya & Danny -- Jive
Song: Avril Lavigne, "Girlfriend"
Choreographer: Tony Meredith
Mary Murphy said that Anya just fell off the "hot tamale train." The couple looked great together.

Lacey & Kameron -- Contemporary
Song: Elisa, "Dancing"
Choreographer: Mia Michaels
Nigel said, "You'll be there next week. No problem."

Sabra & Dominic -- Disco
Song: Donna Summer & Westlife, "Enough Is Enough (No More Tears)"
Choreographer: Doriana Sanchez
The period costumes were distracting, but Mary called the routine "corny and fun." It had some great lifts.

Ashlee & Ricky -- Argentine Tango
Song: "Sentimiento Tanguero"
Choreographer: Alex de Silva
Ashlee is beautiful, but when she danced with Ricky, it looked like Attack of the 50 Ft. Woman. Dan said, "It wasn't that sexy."

Sara & Jesus -- Pop Jazz
Song: Cabaret Hoover, "The Triplets of Belleville"
Choreographer: Wade Robson
I didn't like the choreography, but the judges seemed to love it.

Jessi & Pasha -- Smooth Waltz
Song: Norah Jones, "Come Away With Me"
Choreographer: Tony Meredith
Dan said, "It was so beautiful to watch," and I agree.

Faina & Cedric -- Hip Hop
Song: Lloyd, "Get It Shawty"
Choreographer: Shane Sparks
These two don't go well together, and Faina was out of her comfort zone -- Nigel called her performance "dance by numbers."

Lauren & Neil -- Club Salsa
Song: Mazerati 5, "Friday Night Rhythm"
Choreographer: Alex de Silva
Dan said, "The performance didn't match the dancing," and felt that the couple lacked chemistry.

Shauna & Jimmy -- Broadway
Song: "Ease On Down the Road" from The Wiz
Choreographer: Tyce DiOrio
As Dan said, it was definitely "fun to watch."

After all of the performances, Mary said that Anya & Danny were definitely safe, and Dan said that Ashlee & Ricky were in danger.

I agree with both of the judges on their predictions. My other favorite couples were Lacey & Kameron and Jessie & Pasha -- although quirky Lauren is my early favorite dancer. Faina & Cedric might be in some trouble.

Ox Notes: June 12, 2007

NBC announced that The Biggest Loser's return on September 11 will be preceded by a Where Are They Now special edition on September 4. It'll be interesting to see if any of the contestants were motivated enough to keep the weight off without a hyperactive trainer breathing down their necks.

Also this fall, Smallville will be getting a new female character: Supergirl. My hope is that they already have some idea what they want to do with this character, and won't have to shoehorn her into episodes (cough, Lois).

And rumors are swirling that Real World: San Diego cast member Frankie Abernathy may have died over the weekend. MTV hasn't confirmed the news, but her struggles with cystic fibrosis were chronicled during her time on the show.

Ox Notes: June 11, 2007

I just realized that I missed the new Brian Regan stand-up special that debuted on Comedy Central last night. Luckily, the special will reair on Tuesday night at 10 EST. In the meantime, enjoy this TV Guide interview with Brian.

If it seems like every news network has spent the last week covering the Paris Hilton jail saga at the expense of real news, Variety confirms that they have. At The Huffington Post, Marty Kaplan explains the difference between real news and celebrity news -- apparently, it all has to do with your amygdala (or "lizard brain").

Speaking of lizard brains, Big Brother will expand its reach when the show returns to CBS on July 5. CBS will air live footage of the houseguests from midnight to 3 a.m. EST on the Sho Too cable channel. Since it's on cable, nudity and profanity are okay -- but the feed will be cut if any of the participants says anything that violates music copyrights.

Big Brother 8 debuts in its historic 8 EST time slot, bumping Pirate Master to 9 p.m. that night. After that, Pirate Master moves to its new, permanent home on Tuesday nights at 10 EST, following the Tuesday night Big Brother episode.

Pirate Master: Episode 2

Tonight's episode of Pirate Master did a lot to explain the current political climate in America. The TV pirates proved that people are remarkably tolerant of crappy governance.

The episode began with Captain Joe Don assigning some key roles on the ship. Sean's bartending experience earned him the role of Cook, and wily auto parts salesman Jay was chosen to be Bosun (or Boatswain, if you prefer the proper spelling).

Bosun is essentially the lead crewman, or as Jay put it, the pirate equivalent of a union representative. Jay hoped the job could help him win favor from both captain and crew, while Joe Don hoped Jay would serve as a kind of spy.

Then it was time for breakfast: disgusting gruel with hair in it for the crew, and bacon, fruit, and rum for the captain and his two officers, Ben and Cheryl. Watching Joe Don chow down as they swabbed the deck served only to annoy the hungry crew.

Finally, it was time for this week's treasure hunt. The rules were that the captain and his officers would head the Black Team, and everyone else would draw colored marbles to see if they were a part of the Black or Red Team. If the Red Team found the treasure first, they would install a new captain, and Joe Don would be out.

Teams swam to shore, but weak swimmer Kendra held up the Red Team. They were further slowed down on a long uphill run by the pokey giant, Christian, and Joy, who fell and injured her knee.

The Black Team raced ahead to a pit of snakes, where dreadlocked seventh level chaotic evil sorcerer Azmyth dove in and found a clue box. Inside the box was a "compass plate," an etched piece of metal that, when placed upon a nearby altar, would point the way to the next treasure.

Azmyth placed the compass plate upon an altar and used his magical powers -- which arise from his dreadlocks -- to find the location of the buried treasure.

Upon returning to the pirate ship, the Black Team learned that they'd found $45,000 worth of gold coins -- half of which went automatically to Captain Joe Don. He was given the option of choosing two new officers, but he kept Ben and Cheryl, who split a quarter of the loot. The rest of the team got $2250 each, with no bonus for Azmyth, even though he did all of the work.

Just to keep the crew on his good side, Joe Don decided to give the members of the Red Team a little cash: $200 each. Needless to say, the crew was more insulted than they were grateful.

Then Joe Don offered his bosun, Jay $2000, as "a reward, not a bribe." Jay didn't care what it was, but planned to keep the gift a secret so as not to upset his crewmates.

So, out of his $42,500 haul, Joe Don gave away $3400 -- and actually thought he'd been generous.

When it came time for the captain to assign "The Black Spot" to three crew members before Pirates Court, he and his officers reasoned that they could deflect any hostility toward themselves onto the three pirates who'd performed the worst in the physical aspects of the challenge: Joy, Kendra, and Christian.

And their plan actually worked! Despite a bunch of mutinous chatter, Christian lost to Kendra in a vote of 5-4. No one even cast a vote for Joe Don. In their minds, the crew must have thought it better to eliminate someone who might cost them money in the future, rather than getting rid of the guy who was already robbing them blind and working them like slaves.

It's going to be very hard to feel any kind of sympathy for these idiots if they keep putting up with Joe Don's bullshit. Then again, Joe Don's superior attitude is funny, and part of me really wants it to continue.

Next week, Louie vows revenge on Joe Don for the ouster of his pal, Christian. And, since Joe Don revealed at Pirates Court that he gave money to Bosun Jay, Jay uses some of the dough to buy Sean's support.

SYTYCD 3: Vegas Round, Final Cut

So You Think You Can Dance 3 narrowed down the fifty contestants remaining in the Las Vegas round to a final cast of twenty.

After a final solo round, the judges eliminated sixteen contestants right away. Unlike most of her fellow contestants, who were happy to have made it as far as they did, weepy Olivia was angry that she was forced to do so much work and spend time with people she hated, only to be cut.

Then the judges retired to deliberate over who to cast in the Top Twenty. When announcing their results, it would've been nice if the judges varied their responses a little bit. But, without fail, if they started their comments positively, the contestant was out; if the comments began negatively, the contestant was in.

The final spot in the boys' top ten would go to either Hok or Twitch. Nigel said that both of them were kind of lousy at stuff other than hip-hop. The guys had become buddies during the course of the auditions, so they were both going to be sad no matter who made it. The spot went to Hok, and not my guy Twitch.

The final girls' spot would go to Kristen or Lacey. Since two ballroom dancers had already made the cut, Lacey's chances were slim. But she made the final cut and had a hard time trying not to be ecstatic in front of Kristen.

The Top Twenty are: Anya, Cedric, Ashley, Danny, Faina, Dominic, Jamie, Hok, Jessie, Jesus, Lacey, Jimmy, Lauren, Kameron, Sabra, Neil, Sara, Pasha, Shauna, and Ricky.

Ox Notes: June 7, 2007

Bob Barker filmed his final episode of The Price Is Right on Wednesday -- throwing all of my dad's retirement plans into utter chaos. Somehow, I don't see my dad becoming a big fan of The View.

Barker's most enduring legacy may be a bill that he recently helped pass in the California State Assembly, requiring that all pet dogs and cats be spayed or neutered. Dealing with unwanted pets costs California $300 million annually.

ABC is using the end of the summer to burn through shows they shelved during the season, including the Jimmy Kimmel-hosted game show Set For Life and the anthology series Masters of Science Fiction.

And apparently ABC's celebrity racing show Fast Cars & Superstars is one big commercial for Gillette. Reality Blurred has the full cast list for the show, which premieres tonight at 8 EST.

SYTYCD 3: Vegas Round, First Cut

There seemed to be one theme present throughout the Las Vegas round of So You Think You Can Dance: if you don't move on to the next round, your life is over. Wednesday's body count was pretty high.

The judges kept hammering that point home, repeatedly telling contestants, "This is your life!" If that wasn't bad enough, dancers who earned two out of four possible votes from the judges were brought back to "Dance For Your Life" in another solo routine, which determined if they would continue.

And it seemed that every eliminated contestant cried like this was the last opportunity that they'd ever have to dance -- as if their careers were over if they didn't beat incredible statistical odds and win So You Think You Can Dance. There's just something creepy and sad about seeing teenagers think their dreams are dead just because of one audition.

Ah, who am I kidding? Overdramatizing everything that happens in your life is what being a teenager's all about.

The first round of competition was a pretty straightforward Hip-Hop round, followed by a partnered Ballroom round. The third round was a Contemporary routine choreographed by Mia Michaels, and I have to agree with Shane Sparks, who said, "I don't know who's doing it good." I think it's safe to say that contemporary dancing is not my specialty.

The contemporary round brought an end to the Lindy Hop couple that I liked, and nearly spelled the end for Twitch, my favorite dancer in the competition. But Twitch saved himself with a funny solo to the best song James Brown ever wrote: "Get Up Offa That Thing." The performance had Mary Murphy in stitches, and her insane laughter had me in stitches.

Finally, the 63 contestants left at the end of day two were split in to 15 small groups, each of which had until the next morning to choreograph a routine to a randomly chosen song. It didn't seem particularly fair, because if you were the lone ballroom (or ballet) dancer in a group of hip-hoppers, you weren't dancing, so much as trying not to look like a total doofus.

For good or ill, Olivia -- the girl who cries all...the...time -- moved on to the final round. The last fifty contestants will have to perform one more solo tomorrow night before the field is narrowed to twenty finalists: ten men and ten women.

So, who are your favorites thus far? Have any stars emerged yet?

Ox Notes: June 6, 2007

In advance of the Top Chef 3 premiere next Wednesday, Bravo is featuring a special competition between contestants from the two previous seasons. 4-Star All-Stars airs tonight at 10 EST, and there are preview clips available at Yahoo! TV.

Perry Farrell blames Dave Navarro and his duties on the now-defunct Rock Star for breaking up Jane's Addiction. Farrell's new band, Satellite Party, features former Extreme guitarist Nuno Bettencourt, who's been MIA since 1992.

Something to add to your summer reading list: Neptune Noir, a collection of essays about Veronica Mars edited by show creator Rob Thomas.

And, finally, the cartoon Thundercats is going to become a live action film. Since the project was just announced by Warner Brothers, none of the parts have been cast. Do you have any suggestions? Perhaps Michael Clarke Duncan as Panthro, Patrick Stewart as Jaga, and Dakota Fanning as WilyKit?

Ox Notes: June 5, 2007

During Eva Longoria's stint as host of the ALMA Awards, which airs tonight at 9 EST on ABC, she went through 18 different outfits. She wore a little -- and I mean little -- red dress for the show's opening number -- a salsa dance with Mario Lopez.

Another show airing tonight is the premiere of the second season of America's Got Talent, with new host Jerry Springer. Producer Simon Cowell has cast judges to play remarkably similar roles to the judges on American Idol -- Piers Morgan returns in the role of cranky Brit, Sharon Osbourne is overly nice with everyone but Morgan, and David Hasselhoff will presumably refer to all of the contestants as "dawg." The show airs on NBC at 9 EST.

Slate features an interesting, Sopranos-inspired essay on why mafia hitmen leave their guns at crime scenes. Also at Slate, Sopranos writer and executive producer Terry Winter answers questions about the most recent episode. Be forewarned: both articles include plot spoilers.

Ox Notes: June 4, 2007

Fox is hoping to score big tonight when Hell's Kitchen returns for its third season. Anything to make up for the dismal ratings of On The Lot, which will now air only one episode per week instead of two.

Fans of Friday Night Lights will enjoy this essay by showrunner Jason Katims. It's actually an interesting read for anyone interested in how a TV show is produced.

If you think you learned enough about being a producer from reading Katims' essay and you'd like to pitch your own TV series to the networks, try using this TV Show Pitch Generator to find ideas for your pilot.

For example, how about this for a sci-fi series: "A neanderthal who is secretly gay is the last person on Earth, along with a forgetful taxidermist who eats inanimate objects. Stars Slim Pickens and Shaquille O'Neill." It couldn't be any worse than On The Lot.