Rock Star: Supernova -- Elimination Show Week 9

After the best Performance Episode of the season, the performances on tonight's Rock Star: Supernova Elimination Episode had to be great, right? Wrong. And Ryan was finally given a reason for his perpetual frown.

Brooke Burke introduced clips from last night's show, including footage filmed at the house afterward. The contestants toasted each other's performances and talked about the fact that, despite such a good night, half of them would still end up in the Bottom Three.

Back in the theater, Dave asked Storm why she's disappointed that she hasn't been in the Bottom Three yet. She said she's eager to rock any chance she gets.

Then, Dave asked Magni about the InTouch photoshoot earlier in the week, and Magni said he hated it. As Dave told Magni how photoshoots are part of the business, Magni interrupted repeatedly. Finally, Dave said this was his show and joked, "When I said I didn't have any influence over the votes, I lied, you son of a bitch!" Magni waved and said, "Good-bye," to the crowd.

Supernova then debuted another new song, this time with Lukas at the helm.

Lukas - "It's On" by Supernova
This was by far the best song that they've presented thus far, and by that I mean that it was the least bad. Lukas did a great job, even if I couldn't make out a single word he sang. More than Toby or Dilana, Lukas had enough swagger to seem like a part of the band, and not like someone trying out for the gig. And he fits right in with fellow shrimps Gilby and Jason.

As this weeks encore approached, Gilby spilled the beans on next week's clinic: he's going to help each of the remaining contestants write a new Supernova song. Then he asked Toby to perform an encore of "Rebel Yell."

Toby - "Rebel Yell" by Billy Idol
Toby changed up his performance by jumping on the contestants mini-stage before following Tommy's advice to Magni from the performance show: heading to the back of the theater to hang out with those fans. Toby rocked there for a while before hopping on and off of Supernova's stage. He sounded about the same as he did in his original performance, which was good.

Brooke announced the early Bottom Three results from last night: Ryan, Storm, and Lukas. Toby and Dilana also spent time in the Bottom Three during the course of voting. Apparently, Magni's international appeal for votes worked, as he was the only one left sitting. Brooke pointed out that this was the first time in Rock Star history that it's been clear who received the most votes.

Forgetting simple mathematics and the basic premise of the show, Dave said that no one should've been in the bottom after the quality of last night's performances. Brooke countered by announcing this week's Bottom Three.

Ryan - "Baba O'Reilly" by The Who
"I'm here to blow your minds right now," Ryan announced as he took the stage. And then he did, but not in a good way. He went berserk, screaming and spraying champagne onto the crowd before Toby stole the bottle. Ryan wasted a bunch of time climbing a stack of amps, only to jump off of them, screaming as though he were falling off a cliff. He unintelligibly and tunelessly screamed the lyrics throughout his fit of insanity.

If you like Ryan, this was hilariously great. If not, then this was unbearable. Supernova was not impressed.

Storm - "Helter Skelter" by The Beatles
She cheered when her name was announced, joyously hugging Brooke. Storm followed Ryan's lead, screaming the entire song instead of singing it. She tried to start a mosh pit in the audience before climbing onto Supernova's stage and sitting on Tommy's lap. That one act was more likely to save her than her performance, which was just as bad as Ryan's.

Dilana - "Psycho Killer" by Talking Heads
The crowd booed as she took the stage, some booing Dilana herself, but most booing the fact that she was in the bottom three. Tommy said he couldn't understand what happened to put her there. Dilana said it was because she'd screwed up, and then dedicated her song to herself. She started the song a capella, which worked out brilliantly. But she threw in some bizarre little vocalizations after each chorus and rearranged the middle of the song. As a whole, it was a mess, and Jason, Tommy, and Gilby looked confused.

Zayra may be off the show, but it seemed like she was back in spirit tonight. Three heretofore solid performers all stunk on the same night--an elimination night, no less. The performances were bad enough to make Supernova's song sound awesome by comparison.

Gilby told Ryan he was great and has really grown as a performer, warned Storm that she hasn't grown enough, and told Dilana that her performance came out of left field. His compliment to Ryan was a dead giveaway that Ryan was doomed.

Tommy told Ryan that he's come farther than any other contestant in nine weeks, but that he was out anyway. The crowd booed loud and long, and Storm looked positively pissed. Dave said that he's a fan of Ryan's and that he's sorry to see Ryan go.

Ryan thanked Dave for his support, and then became the bitterman that we know and love. He told Supernova that they could've made twenty years of great music together, and that the next place they'll see him is on the Billboard charts as a solo artist.

Tommy was stone faced after getting booed by the crowd and spanked by Ryan. Each week, Tommy's made it clear that he hates being the one to drop the axe, but you have to wonder if the crowd reaction made him doubt Supernova's decision to boot Ryan.

Or maybe he was just fighting the urge to beat Ryan's head like a crash cymbal.

Rock Star: Supernova -- Performance Show Week 9

Tonight's Rock Star: Supernova Performance Episode was Dilana's chance to redeem herself for her poor conduct this past week, and the producers made sure that viewers knew that.

Brooke Burke introduced a package of clips from last week, followed by the fallout at the mansion after the elimination show. A replay of Dilana smashing the glass into the ground showed broken glass hitting Magni in the cheek as well as the forehead. As Lukas pointed out, Magni was lucky he wasn't hit in the eye.

In the theater, Dave gave Dilana a chance to explain herself. She said, "I love my friends and I'll never do anything to hurt them ever again." It was nice to see her finally apologize and admit what she'd done was hurtful.

Brooke announced that tonight is Fan Selection night. Dave encouraged the contestants: "No Trainwrecks this week." Fortunately for all of us, his wish came true.

Lukas - "Lithium" by Nirvana
In a pretaped, pre-song interview, Lukas said that he's a regular guy who likes video games, basketball, and beer. He just wears more makeup than other regular guys.

He slowed down the song's intro, with just Paul accompanying him on piano, creating a very loungey feel. Paul played piano throughout the rest of the song and Lukas added a hesitation before the screaming chorus -- a nice variation on the original grunge version. Very seriously, Dave said, "You took a sacred Nirvana song and rearranged it? ... [pause for effect] ... It was awesome, dude!" Tommy, Gilby, and Jason were all smiles as well.

Magni - "I Alone" by Live
Magni decided he'd need an international PR campaign to avoid the Bottom Three this week. He urged Australians, Canadians, and Americans to vote for him because he's better looking than their representatives (Toby, Lukas, and Ryan, respectively). He then pleaded for votes, saying, "I learned your language. C'mon!"

Magni's singing was straightforward, but he mixed up his performance by strutting through the audience and onto Supernova's stage, where Tommy tried to grab his butt. Tommy said he wished Magni would've continued all the way to the back of the theater, but Magni pointed out that there's no lighting back there, and he wanted to make sure he looked good.

Ryan - "Clocks" by Coldplay
Ryan started the song seated at a piano, where he struggled to hit some early falsetto notes. But he soon kicked over his bench and jumped atop the piano as the house band kicked in. Vocally, he aimed for something a little heavier than Chris Martin, screaming the high notes instead of cooing them, and it worked. After bounding around the stage, Ryan returned to the piano near the end just so he could crawl back on top of it.

Dave praised the excitement that Ryan brings to the stage, and Gilby said he enjoyed the performance. Jason earned a round of boos from the audience when he told Ryan that he looks uncomfortable and "loses the plot" when he's not behind a piano. As he usually is after Ryan performs, Tommy was silent -- which tells you everything you need to know about Ryan's chances at winning this thing.

Storm - "Bring Me to Life" by Evanescence
When Storm learned that this was her song earlier in the week, she panicked. Her voice is much lower than the light, high register the song requires. Like Ryan, she started slowly, her voice wavering as she sang the opening verse. But once the first chorus hit, Storm could belt the song out, and her tone added a nice depth and weight to the song. Toby jumped onstage to offer some backing vocals, and did a good enough job that he was at risk of stealing the performance.

Dave loved everything about the song, but Gilby said the performance was forgettable. Jason said that effort counts for everything, and Storm brought it.

Toby - "Rebel Yell" by Billy Idol
"Rebel Yell" was a particularly appropriate song for a guy who takes out his frustration by smashing cake into Ryan's face and running around naked. It's the most Toby song imaginable, and he went all Toby on it, throwing in one of his typical gimmicks. He dragged several juvenile girls from the front row onstage, where they jumped and screamed. He then made sure to hug all of them when the song was finished.

The whole thing was a lot of fun, and Toby sang well. It didn't hurt that the house band was brilliant. Jim brought out his Flying-V guitar, and Raphael's wicked solos would put Billy Idol guitarist Steve "Top Gun Theme" Stevens to shame. Supernova loved the whole experience.

Dilana - "Mother Mother" by Tracy Bonham
Dilana earned some points for bringing out her own her own Flying-V. Eventually, she dropped the guitar, climbed on an amp, and slung her leg over bassist Sasha's shoulder. She sounded very good -- apart from the chorus, when her voice sounded like a car trying to start on a cold day in winter.

Dave said it was his favorite performance from both season's of Rock Star, and Gilby loved it, too. Referring to Dilana's rough week, Tommy said that he's the king of mistakes, and the key for Dilana is not to make the same ones twice.

Early Bottom Three:
Storm
Ryan
Lukas

My vote went to Toby, since his performance was the most fun.

Rock Star: Supernova -- Reality Episode Week 9

It's going to take an editing miracle to save Dilana's reputation after this week's Rock Star: Supernova Reality Episode.

At the mansion following the Elimination Episode where Dilana's trash talking was revealed (oh, and Patrice was eliminated), the customary post-show dinner was uncomfortably silent. Storm tried to lighten the mood by toasting "Dilana's first spanking."

Dour Dilana wasn't having it. She grumbled, "I don't want to toast to it. I feel like everything I say is just taken the wrong way anyway." Evidently, Dilana rationalized the events of that evening -- and what she'd said to trigger those events -- so that she, not the friends she'd publicly badmouthed, was the victim.

Ryan, who confessed that he wasn't actually mad about it, summed up why it was in Dilana's best interest to keep her negative opinions of others to herself: "What you say about me doesn't affect me, it affects you."

But Dilana was on a defensive roll that couldn't be stopped by a pesky thing like reason, as was evident in an exchange she had with Lukas and Toby:

Dilana: "I was under the impression that it was a clinic, and I didn't know if I was supposed to speak my mind..."

Lukas: "Life is a constant clinic, man. You shouldn't change just 'cause it's a clinic."

Dilana: "That's why I didn't change, because I was being myself. I was being honest."

Toby: "I don't know which scares me more: you being honest about what you said, or what made you feel that way in the first place."

Dilana ignored Toby's comment, not telling him exactly why she thinks that he's just along for the ride, and continued defending herself. "I'm just a person with flaws. I'm not perfect. I need to learn to speak without just being so straightforward and honest. I'm 34 years old and this is how I've been all my life." She left the table as she started to cry.

What Dilana seems to be forgetting is that, if she was always speaking the negative things she was thinking, she would have no friends at all. If she'd told Magni in week two or three, "I don't think you want this badly enough to leave your family in Iceland," or Toby, "I think you're just along for the ride," they'd have no reason to be friends with her. Yet they are.

You earn friends by being nice. Every 34-year-old knows that. Heck, most 8-year-olds know that. It was only when Dilana got caught saying mean things that she resorted to the "I was just being honest" defense -- which never works, by the way.

Dilana sat by the pool with Lukas, feeling "weak and vulnerable," but not sorry. Magni approached her for a hug at the same time as cameras moved in for a closer shot. Dilana noticed the cameras and ran into the mansion, pushing Magni away and smashing a glass on the ground for dramatic effect.

A piece of broken glass bounced up and hit Magni in the forehead, leaving a bloody gash. Undaunted, Dilana stomped through the house, winding up in her bedroom where Storm held her as she wheezed sobs from her smoke-damaged lungs.

Ryan tended to Magni's injury while the rest of the guys tried to make sense of Dilana's self-destruction. Lukas wondered, "If you can't handle the stress of this situation, how can you handle the stress of performing every day, or the stress of holding a band together? I would honestly be thinking about that if I were the band."

Toby's thoughts on Dilana were more in line with Dave Navarro's "What the hell were you thinking?" comment from the elimination episode. "I don't get it," Toby said. "She's had one of the sweetest rides here."

The following day, the rockers took part in a photoshoot for InStyle magazine. Storm, Toby, and Lukas handled the situation just fine, jumping on couches and posing atop tables as if it were part of their daily routines.

Ryan and Magni had a harder time relaxing in front of the cameras. The photographer futilely tried to get Ryan to smile. And Magni struggled to display his rock prowess when not actually rocking. The photographer told him to scream, and when Magni did, the photographer clarified, "Without screaming."

Dilana was depressed after the previous evening and wasn't in a mood to cooperate, initially. When the photographer encouraged her to pose by asking, "Are you a rock star?" Dilana mumbled like a pouty teenager, "I don't know. I'm trying to be." Once she was told that she could stand up and do high kicks, Dilana was back to her old self.

Instead of the usual song selection, the rockers learned which songs the fans had voted for them to perform. Everyone got their wild card song, although not everyone was pleased by that. Ryan worried that his falsetto voice wouldn't hold up for Coldplay's "Clocks".

Lukas had trouble working with the House Band on his song: "Lithium" by Nirvana. When they tried his arrangement, drummer Nate said, "It's very un-Nirvana like." Lukas revealed, "Well, I don't like Nirvana." Bandleader Paul said that he was much more confident rehearsing the song with Dilana earlier in the season, because she actually liked the song.

Speaking of Dilana, she was eager to redeem herself with a good performance of "Mother Mother" by Tracy Bonham. "I'm not a loser. I'm not a quitter. This horrific thing that happened to me is the best thing that could've happened to me."

Were she honest, Dilana would have rephrased the "horrific thing that happened to me" as the "horrific thing that I brought upon myself." Not once in the reality episode did she say that she was in the wrong, or even that she'd learned anything from all of this. And, from what we were shown, she didn't even apologize to Magni for injuring him.

For their own sakes, the members of Supernova shouldn't pick her. They'd have an easier time babysitting a drunk Toby or Lukas than coddling Dilana, who acknowledges having flaws but won't take responsibility for them or try to fix them.

At this point in their careers, Tommy, Gilby, and Jason should choose someone whose company they can enjoy, who has a level of professionalism on par with their own, and who won't give them head wounds. Dilana has shown through her own actions -- and not just some trick of editing -- that she lacks professionalism. And, at 34, it's unlikely that she's going to change anytime soon.

DWTS Preseason Update: 8-27-06

Divorcing with the stars. Progress updates from the celebrities. And what to do Labor Day weekend.

Did Dancing Cause Shanna's Divorce?
Reportedly, Shanna Moakler's soon-to-be ex-hubby, Travis Barker, objected to her participating in Dancing with the Stars, which may have been a reason the couple split up. Let's hope she sticks around long enough to make it worth the divorce.

Early Progress Reports
Now that they've started training, the new cast realizes just what they've gotten themselves into. Here are links to interviews with Monique Coleman, Sara Evans, Tucker Carlson, and Joey Lawrence.

Lisa Rinna, Access Hollywood Correspondent
Lisa Rinna and Stacy London, fashion guru from TLC's What Not to Wear, are Access Hollywood's special correspondents for tonight's Emmy Awards. Their reports from the red carpet will air on Monday's episode of Access Hollywood.

Weekend Full of Dancing
No plans for Labor Day weekend? You can stay home and watch Tom Bergeron host eight hours of the annual Jerry Lewis Telethon. Or, if you live in the Irvine, California area, head to the Embassy Ball DanceSport Championships to watch former DWTS pros Jonathan Roberts and Anna Trebunskaya compete in the World Cup Open Professional Latin category. Also competing at the Embassy Ball are Maksim Chmerkovskiy's younger brother, Valentin, and Abrea and Averie DelGrosso -- Ashly DelGrosso's sisters.

Rock Star: Supernova -- Elimination Show Week 8

In one night, Dilana went from the hero -- and favorite -- of Rock Star: Supernova to its suddenly vulnerable arch-villain. And she didn't even perform. Not only did we see clips of Dilana’s trash talking from the reality episode, but we got bonus footage of her disparaging Ryan after the performance show. What Jason Newsted had said earlier in the week came true: there are consequences to talking bad about people.

Brooke Burke kicked off the show with clips of last night’s performances, which flowed into footage from right after the show.

During dinner at the mansion, Dilana told Ryan, "Tonight, you would've been nothing without the House Band." She continued putting him down later, telling Ryan that she's getting more votes than him because she's been good since week one. Magni, who’d been sitting by the pool with Ryan, told her they were growing as performers each week, while she keeps doing the same thing. Ryan asked Dilana, "Are you out of ideas?"

Later, the group looked over some Windows Live Spaces sites created by fans, one of which suggested that Ryan and Dilana front Supernova together. Dilana said, "Over my dead body."

Back at the live footage, Dave wasn't happy that Dilana had ripped her fans' ideas. She said that she just doesn't want to share the stage with anyone. Then Dave asked her, "What would any of you be without the House Band? Are you a little bit threatened by The Dark Horse (Ryan)?" Dilana coolly replied that she wasn’t.

Ryan told Dilana that, as the front runner, it looks bad when she speaks down to the people who trying to catch up to her. For her own benefit, she should be more positive. Dilana pouted, as she would for the rest of the show.

During the week, the contestants rehearsed a new Supernova track with the band. The band decided Toby was the best man for this song, and so they asked him to perform with them.

Toby - "Be Yourself and Five Other Cliches" by Supernova
This turned out to be more of a punishment than a prize for Toby. He sounded awkward, but I think that it was the song's fault and not his own. The only interesting thing about the song was that it was probably the first time in Jason’s career that he’s ever played something with a swing beat.

I understand the kind of heavy pop music they're trying to make, but it's just not working. Supernova would be better off as a Butch Walker cover band.

After the lackluster performance, Brooke introduced footage from the media clinic that had been featured in this week's reality episode. In it, Dilana talked trash about Toby, Magni, and Lukas. When Lukas told the reporter that Dilana should mind her own business, the studio audience cheered.

An incredulous Dave asked Dilana, "What the hell are you thinking? You are doing so well. You never bag on your peers like that." Dilana said, in regard to Lukas, that she was like a mother dove who wanted to take him under her wing. Lukas interrupted, "I don't need a dove. I don't need a wing."

Dilana apologized to everyone, but then said, "I'm too honest, I don't know how to lie," as if not answering the reporters questions wasn’t an option. Lukas said he wasn't surprised by Dilana’s actions, and that he's bigger than that. Dave warned them all to grow thick skins, especially since whomever wins will always be known as the singer who won a reality show.

Due to all of the bonus footage -- and to avoid giving Ryan yet another encore (especially for a song better than Supernova’s) -- Brooke announced all of the eligible candidates for the Bottom Three: Patrice, Storm, Toby, and Magni.

Magni - "Fire" by Jimi Hendrix
Jason shook his head in disbelief when he heard Magni had been unvoted into the bottom three. But Jason perked up and sang the word, "Awe-some!" when Magni announced his song. Apparently Magni’s recovered from the flu, because his performance was sick--not him. He even strapped on a guitar and joined in on the solos. Supernova made it obvious that Magni was safe for another week as they cheered through his entire performance.

Patrice - "Middle of the Road" by The Pretenders
Patrice took an easy-to-sing, straightforward pop song and rearranged it, making her voice sound like crap in the process. She sang -- as she often does -- with the same near-monotone lilt that bad poets use when reading at coffeehouse poetry slams. And she accidentally slammed the mic into her grill and gave herself a bloody lip, which Magni graciously let her wipe on his shirt. Even before the third performer was announced, it was obvious Patrice was going home. And she definitely did not go out on top.

Toby - "Plush" by Stone Temple Pilots
This was the best thing Toby's done in a while. He even got some bass in his voice, for once. Hopefully, he can carry some momentum over into next week. There was no way that Patrice was going to survive the night anyway, but Toby’s solid performance ensured it.

Gilby was happy that Patrice had gotten to share an original song with the world on Performance Night, but he reminded her that this was her fourth trip to the Bottom Three. He also warned Magni that this was the second week in a row at the bottom for him. Then Gilby told Toby it was insane that the audience had failed to keep him safe.

After taking the mic from Gilby, Tommy hemmed and hawed and acted as if booting Patrice was a hard decision. But even she knew it was coming, and after her name was announced, she graciously thanked the band for what she said was among the top experiences of her life.

While everyone said their goodbyes to Patrice, Dilana stood apart from the group, her head hanging down. Magni finally put a hand on her back, but it could be a lonely week at the mansion for the (former?) frontrunner.

Rock Star: Supernova -- Performance Show Week 8

Finally, the first episode of Rock Star: Supernova where nobody totally sucked. That's not to say that some weren't better than others, though.

As always, Brooke Burke started the show by recapping events of the past week. Despite being the primary focus of the reality episode, the media clinic in which Dilana trashed her competitors in front of the press was completely ignored. Hmmm... could the editors be protecting Dilana's image so that she stays in the competition until the end?

Instead, Ryan and Patrice were shown winning the two original songs during song selection. And Storm talked about not standing up for herself, as she'd gotten stuck with the song nobody else wanted for the second week in a row.

The evening's guest judge, Gilby's dog, Chopper, had very little to say.

Patrice - "Beautiful Thing" by Patrice Pike
The song was pretty good -- almost poppy enough to be memorable. But Patrice sounded nervous and didn't put much power into her voice. Dave liked the song but thought that it would be better suited for her solo career. Tommy was a little more optimistic and thought that they could darken the song to make it work for Supernova.

Magni - "Smells Like Teen Spirit" by Nirvana
Magni was recovering from the flu, and you could hear it a bit during the melodic parts of the song, when he puked. But he nailed the chorus, belting out the best screams of the season. Gilby complimented Magni for always conveying the emotion that the song demands. Fifteen years after its release, I still have no idea what this song's about -- or what emotions it demands -- so I'll have to take Gilby's word for it.

Ryan - "Back of Your Car" by Ryan Star
This song was better than anything that Supernova will put out, and Ryan's performance was excellent. When Dave asked how Ryan had suddenly turned into a rock n' roll machine, Ryan replied, "I got laid, Dave." This past week, I learned a lot about sex: it either turns you into a rock star or it gets you envenomed by vipers in a 747's bathroom. No wonder our youth is so confused. Ryan stressed that he picked this song because he thought it could be a Supernova track.

Storm - "Cryin'" by Aerosmith
She did a great job on a tough song, and she even brought the crazy eyes back! Dave said that she was a thousand times better than last week, but Gilby told her to do something really memorable next time.

Dilana - "Every Breath You Take" by The Police
Bo-ring! Supernova looked like they were trying to stay awake while she was singing, although Gilby and Dave gave her reflexively positive reviews. But then, instead of commenting on the performance with any specifics, all the Supernova guys could talk about was her running around the pool naked. I suppose Dilana's willingness to doff her clothes is as good a reason as any to pick her.

Toby - "Layla" by Eric Clapton
Toby gave his typically competent vocal performance. Near the end of the song, he took off his shirt and ran into the crowd -- a smart move, since he's been getting by on his looks the whole time. The band liked his energy, his pep, his zip, his zing, but they didn't seem blown away by the performance or the arrangement. If they need a backup singer, Toby's their guy, but he just doesn't seem like the man to lead a band of self-proclaimed rock legends.

Lukas - "All These Things That I Have Done" by The Killers
He has so much charisma and stage presence that it's unfortunate he hasn't tried to improve his voice. His growling not only makes his words unintelligible, but it makes him sound perpetually out of breath. The band was impressed, but noticed that he was turning his back on the audience again, as he had when he forgot the words to "Celebrity Skin."

Early Bottom Three:
Patrice
Storm
Toby

A trip to the bottom might be just the ego blow Lukas needs to get him back into voice lessons. While Dilana's performance wasn't her best, there's no way her fans will let her drop into the Bottom Three.

Ryan's had two of the last three encores, so Magni will probably get the encore tomorrow night. Supernova can "reward" Ryan by letting him play with them, while simultaneously avoiding direct comparisons between his original song and theirs.

My vote went to Ryan. I know I keep voting for him, but he's given the best performances for the last several weeks (not counting the unfortunate horse-hoodie incident). Believe me, if I could, I'd still vote for Zayra.

Rock Star: Supernova -- Reality Episode Week 8

If loose lips sink ships, then Dilana's dinghy is sitting on the floor of the Pacific right now. The fan (and band) favorite trashed her fellow contestants in front of the media on the latest Rock Star: Supernova reality episode.

This week's music clinic was replaced by media boot camp. Several journalists interviewed the rockers at the mansion, although someone on the production staff mistook Mark Long (the 45-year-old who keeps showing up on Real World/Road Rules Challenge) for a journalist.

While most of the interviews were pretty tame, radio host Jamie White did her best to rattle the rockers. She told Storm she shook hands like a man, and then questioned Toby's rock credibility because he didn't have many tattoos.

Toby defensively snapped back, "I have five. How many have you got?" Reminding Toby of the one lesson he was supposed to learn that day, Jamie said, "This isn't about me. This is about you."

Instead of focusing on why she was right for the job, Dilana was relished the opportunity to dish the dirt about her fellow mansion dwellers. According to what Dilana told the interviewers:

• Toby is just along for the ride.
• Magni is too set on being near his family.
• Storm hated the lyrics to the Supernova track that Dilana performed last week.
• Ryan hated the music for that same track.
• Patrice shouldn't even be here.
• Lukas needs to be strangled.

When Lukas sat down for his interview with Jamie, she told him that people said he was hard to deal with. Lukas fell for the bait and asked who'd said that about him. When Jamie told him that it was Dilana, he said, "Tell her to mind her own business."

After hastily wrapping up the interview (in part because Jamie told him he was being "a complete dick"), Lukas found Ryan and complained about Dilana. In his opinion, she'd crossed "the fine line between professional and punk."

But any kind of a showdown would have to wait, as the following day was song selection. This week, two contestants would get to perform original songs--an honor nearly everyone wanted. Storm suggested settling the argument with fisticuffs, but Magni had a less violent approach.

He proposed that Ryan get one of the originals since he'd given it up to Zayra last week, and that Patrice get the other, since she's already been in the Bottom Three several times. The group voted for Magni's idea, and Storm put her boxing gloves away.

Picking up the slack since Zayra's departure, Storm took the song that no one else wanted: "Cryin'" by Aerosmith. A practice session with Magni made her feel more confident about her choice -- so confident that she straddled him for a hug as he sat on a deck chair. Magni asked an obvious question...

Magni: "Is my wife going to be happy that you're sitting on my lap with your breasts in my face?"
Storm: "I'm sitting on you like a brother."
Magni: "I have two brothers, and that's never happened before."

Toby, seeking payback for his naked run around the pool last week, fought Dilana over "Every Breath You Take" by The Police, even though he didn't want the song at all. He set the same price as she did, so Dilana got naked and ran her own lap of shame. Toby told her that, naked, she resembles "a 12-year-old boy in a wig."

Only after she started practicing the song did Dilana realize that perhaps her dignity was too high a price. Years of smoking have robbed her of her falsetto range, rendering parts of the song nearly impossible. Toby and Lukas went to investigate why the mansion's pet dog was howling, only to discover that it was Dilana practicing.

Unless she rearranges the song, Dilana could have an onstage meltdown to rival Jordis' horrific version of "Dream On" by Aerosmith last season. That marked the end of Jordis' reign as the likely winner, and the same thing could happen to Dilana if she can't make "Every Breath You Take" work.

Rehearsal with the House Band showed Magni to be in similar vocal trouble as he battled the flu. Toby sounded much better as he practiced his tune: "Layla" by Eric Clapton. But the big hit of the night could be Ryan, whose original song could steal the whole show.

Not bad for a guy who admitted in one of his media clinic interviews that he prefers the magazines Teen and Vogue to Maxim.

Handicapping Dancing With The Stars 3

The season premiere of Dancing with the Stars 3 is still weeks away, but it's never to early to predict a winner. Here's a list of the couples competing and where I'd guess they are likely to finish. From last place to first, they are...

11. Shanna Moakler and Jesse DeSoto
Strengths - Shanna has been in the press recently (for the breakup of her marriage to Blink 182's Travis Barker).
Weaknesses - Shanna's best known for an MTV reality show about her marriage and the inevitable divorce that followed. Her partner, Jesse, is new to the show and therefore isn't bringing his own fan base with him.
How They Could Win: They can't.

10. Tucker Carlson and Elena Grinenko
Strengths - People will tune in to see if Tucker wears one of his trademark bow ties. Hardcore DWTS fans already know Elena because she's Tony Dovolani's current professional partner and used to dance with Maksim Chmerkovskiy.
Weaknesses - Tucker's conservative-bordering-on-caricature political views make him a polarizing figure. That doesn't have to hurt him, since viewers can't vote against anyone, but it limits his pool of potential voters. Plus, the MSNBC crowd probably doesn't watch much reality TV.
How They Could Win: They can't.

9. Mario Lopez and Karina Smirnoff
Strengths - It's novel to put Slater from Saved By the Bell in a dance competition.
Weaknesses - Mario will split the teenage nostalgia vote with Joey Lawrence. Karina is another newcomer to the show without a preexisting fan base.
How They Could Win: Kelly Kapowski and Mr. Belding start a nationwide grassroots campaign.

8. Jerry Springer and Kym Johnson
Strengths - It's novel to put Jerry Springer in a dance competition. Kym is a previous winner of the Australian version of Dancing with the Stars.
Weaknesses - Jerry's not as funny as previous DWTS older guys John O'Hurley and George Hamilton, so he won't be able to joke his way around his aging joints.
How They Could Win: In a sane world, they can't.

7. Joey Lawrence and Edyta Sliwinska
Strengths - Joey's been in showbiz his entire life, so he's surely had dance training. Edyta spent last season working around George Hamilton's physical limitations, so this season she can go all out.
Weaknesses - The novelty of watching the guy who said, "Whoa!" on Blossom dance won't keep Joey in the competition for long.
How They Could Win: Joey turns out to be a great dancer and a nice guy, and walks the Drew Lachey road to the championship.

6. Monique Coleman and Louis van Amstel
Strengths - Monique is on High School Musical, so she can obviously dance. Everyone loves Louis, and he's a fantastic choreographer.
Weaknesses - Monique has little name recognition with anyone who's not a teenager.
How They Could Win: Monique dances perfectly and comes across as a real sweetheart.

5. Emmitt Smith and Cheryl Burke
Strengths - Emmitt's one of the most well-known stars in the competition. Cheryl is a star in her own right, and an Emmy-nominated choreographer to boot.
Weaknesses - Like previous DWTS athletes Evander Holyfield and Jerry Rice, Emmitt may not be a natural dancer. And he's stockier than Jerry, so his moves may not look as elegant or fluid.
How They Could Win: By dominating the popular vote.

4. Willa Ford and Maksim Chmerkovskiy
Strengths: Willa is young, blonde, and beautiful, which worked for Stacy Keibler last season. Max knows how to create dances to best showcase his partner, and he'll really be able to ramp up the sex appeal now that he's not partnered with someone who recently gave birth. Max's rabid fans will try to keep him around for longer than his sixth place finish last season.
Weaknesses: Willa's not one of the biggest stars on the show, and having played in the Lingerie Bowl may not sit well with some viewers.
How They Could Win: She dances beautifully and responds gracefully to negative criticism (unlike Stacy), and Max continues to be the tough guy with a heart of gold.

3. Sara Evans and Tony Dovolani
Strengths: Sara's a country music star, and there are a lot of country music fans in the U.S. Tony's an international ballroom champion, and he's got a chip on his shoulder after finishing in third last season.
Weaknesses: Tony built up a lot of ill will by being snotty with the judges last season.
How They Could Win: Sara just may have enough fans to counter those viewers who refuse to vote for Tony.

2. Vivica A. Fox and Nick Kosovich
Strengths: Vivica is the biggest mainstream star ever to appear on the show, and she's so excited to participate that she spilled the beans long before the cast was officially announced. Nick is a super pro, and the two of them will look fabulous together.
Weaknesses: Vivica's extremely popular, but are her fans loyal enough to take her all the way to the top?
How They Could Win: Vivica's popularity stays high and she dances her heart out.

1. Harry Hamlin and Ashly DelGrosso
Strengths: Harry spent all last season on the sidelines as Lisa Rinna's supportive hubby, earning him plenty of goodwill with the show's largely female audience. It doesn't hurt that he's also really handsome. Ashly got a raw deal when she got saddled with Master P as a partner, and there are a lot of viewers eager to see her dance with a real contender.
Weaknesses: We don't know if Harry can actually dance. Fortunately for Harry, viewers have the same question about every other contestant, as well.

Of course, these rankings are based on everything but dancing ability, and then there's the often unpredictable audience vote. I'll rerank the contestants following the first elimination show -- after we've actually seen them dance -- and check just how off I was. Joey Lawrence may dance off with the trophy after all. Whoa, indeed.

Rock Star: Supernova -- Elimination Show Week 7

The inevitable day finally arrived: Zayra was eliminated from Rock Star: Supernova. Believe it or not, her elimination was actually a shock. Why would Supernova boot scantily-clad, over-the-top Zayra instead of milquetoast soccer-mom Patrice?

Brooke Burke recapped last night's performance show and then introduced new footage filmed at the mansion after the rockers returned. In the footage, Ryan, Toby, Magni, and Lukas worried that Storm might have enough fans to keep her out of the bottom three, even though Supernova hated her performance. Storm reviewed a video of her ill-received version of "I Will Survive" and felt that the band exaggerated how bad it was.

After the footage aired, Dave stood by his negative comments from the night before, but said that he knew that Storm might be the only one of the rockers emotionally strong enough to withstand such harsh criticism. Storm said that, while "I Will Survive" isn't her favorite song, it's somebody's favorite song, so she just tried to do her best.

Instead of handing out the traditional encore, Supernova announced a special surprise. Earlier in the week, the rockers were given the lyrics and music for a new Supernova track. They rehearsed with the band in the studio, and Supernova picked their favorite singer from the rehearsals to perform live with them. For the remainder of the series, one of the rockers will perform a new song with Supernova each week.

Dilana won tonight's Supernova performance, saving us from having to endure an encore of "Cat's In the Cradle." The track was called "Leave the Lights On." It's a catchy tune, reminiscent of "Bang a Gong (Get It On)." There were even slutty-looking dancers on stage, a staple at Motley Crue concerts. The dancers did a nice job distracting from how much Dilana's raspy voice didn't work with the song.

Then it was time for the traditional encore. Ryan got to reprise his creepy, cool version of "In the Air Tonight." I think it's safe to declare his voice the best, not that it's any guarantee he'll win the Supernova job. But it may win him a nice solo recording deal, which is probably what he's really hoping for anyway.

When Brooke announced the contestants eligible for elimination, the early bottom three, Zayra, Patrice, and Toby, were joined by Magni and Storm. Dave said he was surprised that Magni was there, and, despite the fact that he didn't like what Storm did, thought she sang well enough to have stayed out of the danger zone. This week's final Bottom Three were as follows:

Zayra - "Razorblade" by Blue October
This was the first I'd ever heard of this song, and the first time for Supernova as well. It was crazy and intense and hard to listen to -- kind of like Zayra in song form. It was a bad idea, because it wasn't a rock tune, but I imagine it was Zayra's way of saying 'good-bye.'

Patrice - "Celebrity Skin" by Hole
Lukas forgot the lyrics when he performed this a few weeks ago, but he was still better than Patrice. She scooped up to every note and butchered the verses, screwing up a few words herself. She even stole Dilana's move and went up on Supernova's mini-stage. This did nothing but highlight Patrice's total lack of originality.

Magni - "Creep" by Radiohead
The lyrics to "Creep" seemed to describe Magni's Bottom Three debut: "What the hell am I doin' here? I don't belong here." He proved his point further by showing Zayra and Patrice how to sing and perform a rock song.

Storm seemed angry and confused that Magni went into the Bottom Three instead of her. She was ready to rock. Fortunately, Magni was never in any danger of going home.

Gilby complimented Zayra on her willingness to take risks, but the axe fell on her anyway. Dave said she's one of the most compelling performers from either season of the show, and that she'll have a successful solo career. Jason promised he'd remain one of her biggest fans.

Next week's performance show will air an hour later, at 10/9 c. Fans can now vote online for songs for an upcoming all-request show, choosing between three previously performed songs and a new "wild card" song for each rocker. It's too bad we'll never get to hear Zayra butcher her "wild card" song: "We Are the Champions (a.k.a. Somos los Campeones)."

Rock Star: Supernova -- Performance Show Week 7

It was all or nothing on tonight's performance episode of Rock Star: Supernova. Ryan gave it his all, and Dave and Tommy wore next to nothing.

Brooke Burke, dressed like a '60s flight attendant, introduced footage from the rockers' trip to Vegas and their contentious song selection. Yet again, Dave Navarro was disappointed that only a handful of the contestants fought to play with Gilby Clarke or to play an original song.

Brooke announced that the contestants would be giving "stripped down" performances, accompanied by a string quartet and the House Band on acoustic instruments. Dave and Tommy Lee stopped listening once they heard Brooke say "stripped," and used the occasion to take off their shirts. During a commercial break, producers forced them to cover up.

Zayra - "Lluvia de Mar" by Zayra Alvarez
Wearing a black sequined bra and an enormous red hoop skirt -- sans the actual hoop -- Zayra's original song seemed especially well-suited for the string quartet. However, it didn't seem at all suited for Supernova. It's too bad, since it was a really pretty song. Tommy Lee liked that the song had elements of Massive Attack, but admitted that it probably wouldn't work for the band. Gilby loved the song but wanted to Zayra rock out next time.

Magni - "Starman" by David Bowie
Magni is evidentally a Bowie fan. This is the second Bowie tune he's performed, and he dressed in a white suit, paying homage to the Thin White Duke. If he doesn't win this competition, he's going to film an Icelandic remake of Labyrinth. Magni's performance was solid, as always, and Gilby said the only thing Magni missed was an opportunity to get the crowd to sing along. Magni may not have gotten them to accompany him on this tune, but I know he could get a crowd to help him sing, "The power of voodoo. Who do? You do. Do what? Remind me of the babe."

Patrice - "Message in a Bottle" by The Police
Patrice is still on the show? To change up her performance, she added some extensions to her hair. She gave a competent but uninspired performance -- her specialty. Gilby looked like he was struggling to stay awake. Dave said that he knows she's better than this performance.

Lukas - "Hero" by Chad Kroeger
Monsignor Lukas sported a priest's collar and rosary to go along with his mohawk. He spent the entire song seated, playing guitar. He did a fine job, but from the crowd's reaction, I'm guessing it went over better live than on TV.

Storm - "I Will Survive" by Gloria Gaynor
This is how I imagine Liza Minelli would perform this song. Storm certainly didn't half-ass it, including some drunken stumbling and growling. But there was nothing she could do to save this song. The audience loved it, but Supernova hated it. Tommy said it was "sautéed in wrong sauce, and I want my money back." Gilby gave the sound advice that everyone should just pretend they're already singing for Supernova when they perform. That might be easier if Supernova didn't assign the contestants Gloria Gaynor songs.

Toby - "Solsbury Hill" by Peter Gabriel
Gilby perched on top of a piano to play guitar. Toby's voice doesn't have much gravity so it sounded disconnected from the rest of the song at times. And then, he actually played the bongos. Dave said that it was the best performance of the night, but it just seemed competent to me.

Ryan - "In the Air Tonight" by Phil Collins
Ryan was wise to drop his fur hoodie in favor of a long black jacket. Embracing the creepiness of the song, Ryan stood at the edge of the stage and stared straight into the camera for the whole song. I walked back and forth in front of the TV, and I swear his eyes followed me -- just like this century-old portrait of my husband's great-great-grandmother that his parents used to have. The song and Ryan were basically a perfect match, and it was one of the best performances of the season.

Dilana - "Cat's in the Cradle" by Harry Chapin
This was fine, but Dilana's no Ugly Kid Joe. Dilana's already shown that she can make slow songs intense, so it would be nice if she did something really rockin' next week. But with the way she's picked songs, expect to hear her belting out "Seasons in the Sun" or "The Lady in Red." Supernova loved it, because they're planning on having their concerts consist of about ten straight covers of "Home Sweet Home" in a row.

The Early Bottom Three:
Patrice
Toby
Zayra

It'll be a shock if Storm doesn't slip into the Bottom Three at some point, and Magni and Lukas may join her there if people forget about their performances.

I don't know if there's anything that Patrice can do to save herself tomorrow night. My vote for the encore goes to Ryan. I don't know that there's anything he could do to improve on his performance, but I'd sure like to see him try.

Rock Star: Supernova -- Reality Episode Week 7

Some of the rockers learned a hard lesson on this week's Rock Star: Supernova reality episode: don't get drunk in front of your potential employers.

As promised on last week's elimination episode, the remaining eight contestants traveled to Las Vegas with Supernova. The private jet they flew in was basically a bar with wings, allowing the impressionable kids to lay the foundation of the following day's massive hangover.

After touring the stage at The Joint in the Hard Rock Hotel, where Supernova will give its debut performance on New Year's Eve, everyone went to party in the penthouse suite. Complete with its own bowling lane, the suite was the kind of place where all of the contestants aspire to puke in the bathroom regularly.

While Dilana used the opportunity to pitch Tommy Lee on why she's right for the band, Lukas and Toby ignored all good sense and got totally hammered. Jason Newsted was not happy about having to babysit the drunken Toby. Mercifully, Toby and Lukas were both passed out on the floor by 10:30 p.m.

The next day, the rockers dragged themselves to their beds in the mansion to sleep off their hangovers. Only Dilana was up and about, celebrating her birthday by torturing her exhausted housemates. She poured water into a sleeping Lukas' bellybutton, stuck her finger in it, and then put her finger into his mouth. She then lashed Toby's legs together, although he avenged himself later by shoving birthday cake in her face.

After a long nap, Ryan wandered into the billard room and found this week's songs. A note informed the rockers that they would all be giving unplugged performances, accompanied by the House Band.

This time, Gilby Clarke was going to play on the Peter Gabriel song "Solsbury Hill." Toby was ready to fight for the song, and his unlikely opponent was Dilana, who'd just performed with Gilby last week. She agreed to give up the song only if Toby ran around the pool in the nude, which he did, protesting against the unseasonable cold front which moved in over the mountains and settled right around his genitals.

Storm posited that Dilana staged the fight as a strategic move and didn't really even want the song. As when she schmoozed with Tommy in Vegas, Dilana seems to be making every effort to secure herself the gig with Supernova. The song Dilana ultimately got, "Cat's in the Cradle," was better for her voice than "Solsbury Hill" anyway.

As the Dilana/Toby battle ensued outside, Ryan and Zayra argued indoors over which one of them would be the sole contestant allowed to perform an original song this week. Zayra said that this might be her only chance to perform an original song for Supernova, but Ryan wouldn't relent.

Toby finally suggested that Ryan's best hope at staying out of the bottom three was to completely own a legendary rock tune -- specifically, "In the Air Tonight" by Phil Collins. After practicing the tune with Magni, Ryan agreed that the moody song suited him perfectly, and he gave the original song to Zayra.

Zayra's original song is in Spanish, which will only emphasize that her voice is that of a poor man's Shakira. And Toby's victory over Dilana may not serve him well, either. In rehearsal with Gilby and the House Band, he couldn't nail down "Solsbury Hill's" odd rhythm signatures.

But the most doomed rocker of all might be Storm. In a fit of insanity, she chose the Gloria Gaynor disco hit, "I Will Survive." It's nearly impossible to turn into a rock song, and Paul Merkovich and the rest of the House Band struggled along with Storm as they tried to work out a viable arrangement. If only they had the aid of the mansion's resident rearrangement superhero: Zayra!

DWTS 3 Celebrities Announced

The big day has finally arrived! ABC announced the celebrity contestants for Dancing with the Stars 3 this morning. There were few surprises on the list due to the many rumors circulated about the cast, all of which happened to be true.

The cast for DWTS 3:
Emmitt Smith - former Dallas Cowboy
Vivica A. Fox - Kill Bill actress
Harry Hamlin - L.A. Law/Veronica Mars actor
Mario Lopez - Saved by the Bell actor
Shanna Moakler - former Miss USA, Meet the Barkers
Tucker Carlson - conservative pundit
Joey Lawrence - Blossom actor
Jerry Springer - legendary talk show host
Sara Evans - country singer
Willa Ford - pop singer
Monique Coleman - High School Musical actress

I'll update this post later today, handicapping the contestants and revealing some of their professional partners. If you're interested in getting in DWTS shape, ABC is looking for a woman to train with a professional partner, following the same routine as the celebrity contestants. Applications must be submitted by Wednesday, August 16th.

Rock Star: Supernova -- Elimination Show Week 6

This week's Rock Star: Supernova elimination show kicked off with a recap of the performance show. When I saw Josh perform last night, I assumed that Tommy Lee had planned to play drums on "Interstate Love Song," no matter who picked it. But upon a second watching, I got the feeling that Josh was singled out. The band wanted to give him a chance to show he could lead them -- or at least one of them -- before giving him the boot. Josh wasn't up to it, so he got axed. But at least he didn't go down alone. Supernova made the airwaves a slightly better place by ridding us of Jill, too.

After the recap, we saw footage of what happened after the performance show. Back at the mansion, Jill picked a fight with Zayra and Storm for not demanding to play with Gilby this week. Both Zayra and Storm felt that their best strategy was picking the best song for them -- not just the right to play with someone from Supernova. It's a decent argument, considering performers have been booted for picking the wrong song, but none have been kicked off for not playing with a member of the band.

Storm and Zayra asked Jill why she didn't fight to play with Gilby again. She said she proved something the last time she played with him. Saying what everyone was thinking, Storm told Jill that Gilby totally ripped her for her inappropriate actions on stage. Storm then said she was in no rush to pick a song just because she'd be accompanied by Supernova's guitarist: "I know I can play with Gilby, and he knows I can play with him."

Back at the studio, live, Dave asked Storm how Gilby could possibly know this without having played with her. Storm backtracked and confessed that Dave made a good point. She said she hoped that her history would give Gilby confidence in her ability. Storm then promised not to hump Gilby onstage, as Jill had, if only because it might "break your back."

After making peace with Storm, Gilby announced that all the contestants who survived elimination would go with Supernova to Vegas after the show. They'd be going to the Hard Rock Casino to check out the stage where Supernova -- with their new lead singer -- will debut on New Year's Eve.

Since the band couldn't decide on just one encore, Supernova chose two people to sing. Lukas was first up, reprising "Creep." Magni got the second encore. After performing "The Dolphin's Cry" solo on performance night, Magni changed up his performance and asked the House Band for backup. He greeted the House Band, saying, "I missed you guys." After the song, he high-fived drummer Nate.

Brooke then named the contestants who'd spent some time in the bottom three since the performance show. Last night's early three, Jill, Patrice, and Zayra, were joined by Josh and Ryan. All were asked to stand. When Brooke asked Dave if he was surprised by those standing, he said that many of the same faces keep popping up, so he wasn't surprised at all.

Zayra and Ryan looked pissed to be standing, but Zayra was quickly told to take a seat. Magni had to grab her and put her on a bench, otherwise she would've kept jumping up and down triumphantly all night.

Jill - "Respect" by Aretha Franklin
This was an obvious, awful choice. And there was no way Jill could keep herself from oversinging it. Paul played harmonica on it, driving the nails into her coffin. Supernova looked suitably unimpressed, and Patrice and Ryan each wore and expression that said, "You guys can't send me home before her."

Josh - "Shooting Star" by Bad Company
Defying Tommy's advice, and the will of millions of viewers, Josh elected to play his guitar again. And again, he stood still as a statue, apart from his distracting, Phil-esque head waggling. It might be appropriate for a coffee house, but not for a huge venue. Too bad, since this was the best he's sounded -- and on a rock song at that.

Ryan - "Enjoy the Silence" by Depeche Mode
Jason was surprised to see Ryan in the Bottom Three, but speculated that last night's performance confused the audience more than it showed Ryan's diversity. He didn't take any guff for his song choice, but I'm not sure why Duran Duran (which got Matt booted in Week 1) is less appropriate than Depeche Mode. Ryan sang more angrily than ever. Supernova dared not eliminate him for fear for their personal safety.

After their deliberations, Gilby admitted that there was disagreement in the band about who to cut. But there was no disagreement on who to keep. As expected, Ryan was sent back to the group, leaving Jill and Josh in front of the firing squad. Tommy said that he was taking the competition to the next level, and he axed both of them.

Jill thanked the band for the opportunity, although not as succinctly as how I just wrote it. Josh admitted that he probably wasn't right for the band, even though he appreciated the chance to try out. And the self-promotion from performing on TV didn't hurt either.

Rock Star: Supernova -- Performance Show Week 6

Gilby Clarke and Tommy Lee should've easily stolen the show with their special performances on this week's Rock Star: Supernova. But, once again, that honor went to Zayra's wardrobe, of which the most mundane article was an enormous top hat.

The show began with footage from the reality episode, with special emphasis placed on the contestants' reluctance to perform with Gilby. Dave Navarro said that, if he could, he'd give Dilana the job right now just because she was the only one who pursued the chance to perform with a Supernovan.

Dilana - "Won't Get Fooled Again" by The Who
With her hair back and makeup toned down, Dilana is a very pretty girl. That won't hurt her chances. Dilana did a fine job singing, but the song arrangement plodded along. Gilby added some weak backing vocals, prompting Supernova to eliminate him from the band. But the band was impressed by Dilana, and Gilby said she had erased any doubts about whether a woman could front the band.

Jill - "Mother Mother" by Tracy Bonham
This song stinks, so it did Jill no favors. But she the made the most of her hair extensions, swinging her head around like...well, like a girl pretending to front a heavy metal band. Jason Newsted said that she lost the power in her voice by running around like an idiot.

Ryan - "Paint It Black" by The Rolling Stones
Ryan upped the theatrics this week, sporting a hoodie with a horse mane on the hood and wearing black eye makeup. Trying to make a Zayra-like spectacle of the song, his ridiculous look distracted viewers from his vocals. Honestly, I can't remember how well (or poorly) he sang. When Tommy called the performance "interesting," Dave retorted, "That was the shit and you know it!" Maybe it was great in person, but on TV the performance looked stupid. However, like Zayra, Ryan gets credit for mixing things up.

Storm - "We Are the Champions" by Queen
This song has made plenty of competent singers look terrible, but Storm totally held her own, turning out the best non-Freddie Mercury version of the song I've heard. She's gotten better with each week, and she's the only woman who poses a credible threat to Dilana. Tommy said that he was afraid the band had spooked her from doing her crazy eyes, but Storm promised to "spank the crap" out of Supernova next time. She then laughed maniacally until the commercial break.

Zayra - "All the Young Dudes" by Mott the Hoople
Holy crap. Wearing the tightest gold lame catsuit in the universe, Zayra looked like a crazy carnival barker in a top hat and the tallest platform heels I've ever seen. Her vocals were even pretty good, as she'd rearranged the melody to display her voice to best advantage. Magni even accompanied her on guitar.

Dave said that, if this were Rock Star: Planet Pluto, Zayra would win for sure. The rest of the guys were a little skeptical about her vocals, but she said he was happy with her performance. And her outfit.

Josh - "Interstate Love Song" by Stone Temple Pilots
Josh got a surprise when Tommy decided to play drums for the song. Josh sounded fine, but he spent the entire song rocking from side to side like a pendulum in front of his mic stand, as he played guitar. Tommy said the guitar "froze up the funk." Dave said that while Josh was good, good might not be good enough at this point in the competition.

Magni - "The Dolphin's Cry" by Live
This is the lamest song in the history of rock n' roll*, but more on that later. Magni shushed the crowd before playing a solo acoustic version of the song. He sounded great, and his baby boy listened from the crowd wearing an enormous pair of headphones. Gilby said Magni's perseverance while living apart from his family was an inspiration to everyone.

* - If you like this song, head butt the person next to you right now to earn back some of your rock credibility. A song about sobbing cetaceans is the kind of thing a 10-year-old girl would write if she could put out an album. It would be a nice accompaniment to songs like, "(I Wanna Go To) Piercing Pagoda," "Pony Slumber Party," and "You're Not My Real Mom!"

What's even worse is that writing bad rock songs about sappy social and environmental themes is hardly a new idea. White Lion did it almost 20 years ago with songs like "When the Children Cry" and "Little Fighter!" The only reason it was okay when they did it was because it was the late '80s and they had a Danish lead singer. Live has no excuse.

Patrice - "Instant Karma" by John Lennon
There's something about Patrice that always feels a little anemic unless her energy is cranked to eleven. This was another underwhelming performance, made more awkward by her plastered-on cheerleader smile. The band gave her a pass because they appreciated her song choice.

Lukas - "Creep" by Radiohead
Hey, Lukas can actually sing. And I even understood the words. This was the right performance at the right time to save Lukas from falling out of contention. Jason was especially pleased; this is what he's wanted to see from Lukas since the beginning.

Toby - "Burning Down the House" by Talking Heads
Thankfully, Toby didn't try to do a David Byrne impression. His straight rock version made me appreciate the song even more. He couldn't resist the lure of the of the megaphone, handed to him on stage by a cloaked Zayra. To make the megaphone gimmick more interesting, he wrapped it in an Australian flag and ended the song with one of the megaphone's sound effects. Dave told Toby that he was good enough without the props.

Toby may want this more than anyone else. It's just too bad he wasn't on last season, because there's no way that INXS would've let him go. And it's nice to see Toby, Magni, and Zayra helping each other out. It's like all of the foreign exchange students hanging out together at school.

Early Bottom Three:
Jill
Zayra
Patrice

Josh is the only other one who should be in any trouble, although Ryan could wind up in the Bottom Three if his equine goth look wigged people out.

My vote went to Storm. "We Are the Champions" is such a hard song to sing, and she deserves tons of credit for doing it justice. But I'm guessing the encore goes to Lukas.

Rock Star: Supernova -- Reality Episode Week 6

The latest reality episode of Rock Star: Supernova showed that, while she may not be the best lyricist, Dilana's probably the smartest person in the house. And only Ryan understands just how big a threat Dilana is.

The day after Dana's elimination, Gilby Clarke dropped by the mansion bearing gifts: brand new Gibson guitars for the remaining ten rockers. The guitars were to help them get started on the challenge he'd issued during the elimination episode: each contestant must write lyrics and a melody for a new Supernova track.

The track itself sounded like a cross between "Takin' Care of Business" and a slow-tempo "Once Bitten, Twice Shy." I'm surprised none of the contestants accidentally wrote, "I got there in the nick of time, before he got his hand across your state line, yeah."

Even though they were given less than 24 hours to finish their challenge, almost all of the rockers finished the task quickly. Storm wrote her lyrics while jogging, and the always laid back Lukas wrote his lyrics and melody in 15 minutes.

That left Lukas plenty of time to pester Ryan, the only one who had any real trouble with the task. Used to writing music by himself, he struggled to put lyrics and melody to someone else's song. Lukas' frequent interruptions kept Ryan up until long after the other rockers had partied and gone to bed.

But the hard work paid off, as Ryan's angsty lyrics impressed Supernova. Jason Newsted said that he'd like to hear Ryan sing other Supernova tracks as "his voice cuts through the music very well."

Lukas' first draft efforts also went over well with the band, and Tommy Lee was said that Lukas "really gets it." No one was more impressed with Lukas' song than Lukas: "It was dirty and sexy, like myself."

Of course it was impossible to verify Lukas' claims about the song, since he garbled his lyrics, as usual.

The big losers in the task were Jill (no surprise) and Dilana (big surprise). Once again, Jill oversang and left the band shaking their heads. The fact that she hasn't toned things down like they've asked her to makes her the top candidate for elimination this week.

Dilana's problem was that her lyrics were just silly: "And if your trains on time you can get to work by nine, and start your slaving job to get your pay." Actually, she wrote a song about a pool party, mentioning tanning lotion, wine, and a thong. At one point, she even sang the word "hiney."

Footage was shown of Storm and Toby performing their lyrics, but that was it. Since Zayra didn't make the final edit, I can only assume that she was competent; if she would've been embarassingly bad, the editors surely would've included footage of her.

The real question is: if Zayra did especially well, would they show the audience, or just let us keep assuming that she's horrible?

Later in the day, as promised this past week, Magni's wife and son visited the mansion. Mini-Magni might be the happiest baby in the world. He didn't even scream when he saw Lukas. And Magni was so pleased to see them that he even let baby play with his very expensive new guitar.

The next day, Dilana found this week's songs and brought them to the dining room. She asked if anyone else wanted to perform The Who song "Won't Get Fooled Again," accompanied by Gilby. No one else wanted it. Dilana took song for herself, and later said of her competitors, "What idiots!"

Ryan fully agreed with her. "This isn't a house of brilliant strategists," he said. "This is a house of musicians." He wasn't surprised that he was the only one to realize that Dilana could steal Tuesday night's show, and possibly the whole contest, with a good performance alongside Gilby.

In her second genius move of the day, Dilana convinced Lukas to sing Radiohead's "Creep" as a way of showing his vocal range. The flip side of that is, if Lukas can't sing "Creep," it will prove to Supernova that all he can do is his mumbly growl, leaving one fewer competitor between Dilana and the prize.

Next week, she'll try to convince Ryan to sing "Tiptoe Through the Tulips" and Toby to do anything by Hilary Duff.

There wasn't much footage of House Band rehearsal in this week's webisode, although Dilana did warn Gilby that she planned to pull a Jill and grind on him during their performance Tuesday night. But we did get to see what the House Band does when not in rehearsal.

Several of the guys challenged the male rockers to a game of basketball. As we saw in last week's reality episode, Ryan, Toby, and Lukas are possibly the world's worst basketball players. And they haven't improved any since last week.

Team House Band made shot after shot, while the rockers through up brick after brick. The guys in the House Band celebrated their victory by giggling their way through a series of awkward chest bumps.

If the rockers ever manage to beat the House Band, it'll be a bigger comeback story than "Hoosiers."

DWTS Offseason Update: 8-4-06

A few tidbits, as we count down the days until the big casting announcement on August 15...

Emmy Clarification
The award for Choreography, a category in which Cheryl Burke, Nick Kosovich, and Tony Dovolani are all nominated, will be presented at the Creative Arts Emmy Awards on Saturday, August 19. That presentation will be televised on E!, and it's a safe bet that the winner in that category will also appear at the Primetime Emmy Awards on August 27.

Cheryl in Pittsburgh on August 5
Cheryl is one of the celebrity judges who'll help determine the best dancer at Let's Dance Pittsburgh. Try-outs start at 10 a.m., with a final competition at 8 p.m.

New for Fall
ABC will air the upcoming season of DWTS in Spanish as well as English. And Tatum O'Neal landed the lead role in the new soap, Art of Betrayal, to air on MyNetTV.

Rock Star: Supernova -- Elimination Show Week 5

Despite wearing combat boots and getting a tattoo, Dana was deemed too young and sweet to front Supernova. It's too bad that her tattoo was a picture of Tommy Lee's face on her ass. No, that's my tattoo.

As Brooke recapped last night's show, Lukas was singled out for forgetting his lyrics. He felt he deserved a spot in the bottom three and was prepared to fight for his right to stay in the competition.

Dana showed off her new tattoo at the elimination show: a treble clef on her hip. And Magni proposed that the members of Supernova relocate to Iceland if they pick him.

Ryan was awarded the encore for "Losing My Religion," accepting the honor with humility. That brings the number of Ryan's distinct emotions to two -- humble and pissed off.

Brooke announced that Jill, Zayra, Toby, Patrice, and Dana all spent time in the bottom three during the course of overnight voting. When Zayra's name was called, she yelled, "I knew it!" The final bottom three comprised the following:

Jill - "Alone" by Heart
Jill got off to a bad start by walking away from Gilby as he tried to speak with her before her performance. But she redeemed herself in my eyes and Gilby's by picking a Heart song. While she still needs to work on reining in some of her vocal power, she did a great job with a song that totally suited her.

And Jill was only slightly overshadowed by Jim the guitarist, who defied all laws of nature by singing Nancy Wilson's incredibily high-pitched backing vocals.

Before introducing the last two members of the bottom three, Brooke Burke asked the remaining candidates to raise their hands if they skipped pre-show rehearsal with the House Band. Dana and Toby raised their hands. Appropriately, the next name Brooke called was Dana's.

Dana - "House of the Rising Sun" by The Animals
One extra rehearsal wouldn't have kept Dana from having to scoop up to every note. I'll throw out a tip from my high school Madrigal director: when you're flat on a note, smile. Seriously, it works. Dana's obviously had vocal training, but she doesn't know how to adapt it to rock n' roll. When she scowls, she scoops.

Patrice - "Eternal Life" by Jeff Buckley
After her trip to the bottom three last week, Patrice has performed every song like it was her last. Yet, with as much effort as she's putting out, there's obviously something about her that's not resonating with the home audience. At this point, the best she can hope for is to do her best for the fans she already has, 'cause she hasn't picked up any new ones.

Gilby gave the surviving contestants an assignment for the week: individually, write a melody and lyrics for a new Supernova track. As for the performances he'd just witnessed, he told Jill that she'd saved herself with tonight's performance. He was still disappointed in Patrice for disappearing in front of Tommy last night, but Dana was given the boot.

Supernova said that she still had a way to go before she could front a band like theirs. Dana agreed, and admitted that she was just happy that she got to meet the guys in Supernova. They're just like her dad, except that they're not going to ground her for getting that tattoo.

Rock Star: Supernova -- Performance Show Week 5

Five weeks into Rock Star: Supernova, and the cream is starting to rise to the top. But some weak performances this week may lead fans to question just how creamy Lukas and Toby really are.

Patrice - "Higher Ground" by Stevie Wonder (a la Red Hot Chili Peppers)
Her mohawk was cool, but Patrice's voice just didn't carry the song and was lost in a weird echo effect. And by spending so much time on the drum riser of guest performer Tommy Lee, she unintentionally drew attention to how comparitively uncool she is. Dave said that eight of the remaining rockers would "literally disappear" when playing in front of Tommy, hinting that Patrice was one of them. She would've been better off humping him.

Josh - "Santeria" by Sublime
He came in too early at the start of the song, and it didn't get better after that. His vocals sounded exactly like the original, minus any of the malice behind the lyrics. He took his suckiness to the next level by beat boxing, but for some reason Supernova just ignored it and called him soulful.

Dilana - "Can't Get Enough" by Bad Company
Decked out all in leather like the world's first slender, good-looking biker chick, Dilana strode through the crowd, right onto Supernova's stage and started singing. Then she rode her boyfriend's shoulders back to the main stage to end the song. How do you follow that?

Toby - "Pennyroyal Tea" by Nirvana
Not all Nirvana songs are created equal. This subdued song did nothing to help Toby, and his growling didn't help the song. Then he ended the song by going into the audience and hugging on some girl. Apart from Dave pointing out that it was a little anticlimactic to go into the audience just after Dilana did, the band seemed okay with his performance.

Zayra - " 867-5309 (Jenny)" by Tommy Tutone
For the first time ever, "867-5309" was performed by someone wearing a cape and a leopard-print leotard. Zayra's outfit and punk song arrangement turned her performance into a weird goth-art version of an 80s song. She's the kind of opening act at a club that you tell all of your friends about the next day and later drag them to see.

Dave said, "I'm gonna need a few minutes to process what I just saw," and a chuckling Brooke sent the show to commercial. When they returned, Dave said that Zayra's still here because she does something different each week. Gilby warned that, if they eventually do pick her, he's not wearing leopard pants to match her.

Magni - "Clocks" by Coldplay
This song sounds a lot like a Sigur Ros song, so it was only appropriate that another Icelander sing it. Magni is the only guy who truly looks like a rock star when he performs. He's totally at home on stage. He might as well be in his living room. Jason Newsted said that Magni sets the bar for the other participants. In appreciation for missing his son's first steps to be on the show, Tommy said that Supernova will fly his family to California to watch him perform. Magni thanked them and said he needed to go cry.

Jill - "Don't You Forget About Me" by Simple Minds
My ears are bleeding! Jill screamed the whole song, and the results were painful in a physical and psychological way. In the understatement of the evening, Dave said, "That was really not that good." And for the second week in a row, Jill's performance made Gilby uncomfortable. Based on this performance alone, Jill should be eliminated next.

Ryan - "Losing My Religion" by R.E.M.
Angry Ryan was so pissed this week that he wouldn't let anyone but Paul from the House Band perform with him. He played this song sitting at a grand piano and dropped everyone's jaws with a monstrous, cathartic scream. Dave described the performance as "phenomenal." Tommy said that he's already written a Supernova track for piano that he can imagine Ryan singing. This should earn Ryan an encore tomorrow night.

Lukas - "Celebrity Skin" by Hole
Following Ryan's powerful performance, Lukas looked and sounded ridiculous. He sang most of the song with his back to the audience, later admitting that he was uncomfortable because he didn't know the lyrics. It was pretty much abysmal, and the band let him know it.

Storm - "Changes" by David Bowie
She performed an understated, vulnerable version of the song, minus her usual crazy eyes. Following her bombastic performance last week, Storm showed great emotional range. It was excellent and the band encouraged her to keep up with her new classy, subtle style.

Dana - "Baba O'Reilly" by The Who
The best thing I can say about Dana's performance is that Nate the drummer is a total stud. As for the singing, Dana's vocals were flat, and she had trouble staying on pitch. Frankly it's hard to take her seriously as the angry, rebellious teen, although she said she was getting a tattoo the next day. Supernova was complimentary in the way your grandmother would compliment your talent show performance.

Early Bottom Three:
Toby
Zayra
Jill

Patrice, Josh, and Lukas could all fall into the bottom three at some point, and it's unlikely that all of Toby's fans will let him stay at the bottom for long.

My goddamn vote went to Ryan. His anger is infectious.