Ox Notes: September 28, 2007

There's never an end to news about Dancing with the Stars. Victoria Beckham was going to be fellow Spice Girl Melanie Brown's personal costume designer for DwtS, but those plans may be put on hold since her father-in-law suffered a heart attack on Thursday.

To wrap up the first week of DwtS, here's a clip from Entertainment Tonight following Tuesday night's Performance Show, and video of Josie Maran on Jimmy Kimmel Live after she'd been eliminated from DwtS. Josie sounds a little flaky -- she gave birth to her kid in her backyard on purpose -- but she is launching a line of earth-friendly cosmetics, so she's cool in my book.

If you wondered what Tom Bergeron was talking about when he mentioning a new DwtS book, he was referring to Dancing with the Stars: Jive, Samba, and Tango Your Way Into the Best Shape of Your Life. Fans can have copies of the book signed by Joey Lawrence and Elena Grinenko at the Borders in Torrence, CA on October 2 at 7 p.m. -- which is a horrible time for a book signing since the Results Show airs at 8.

I'm glad I stopped watching Kid Nation, so that I didn't have to endure graphic footage of the kids killing chickens on the most recent episode.

NBC's plan to combine ratings from two airings of the Heroes season premiere has forced Nielsen to review that ratings loophole.

I caught a rerun of the series premiere of Reaper on the CW last night, and I loved it. Plenty of laugh-out-loud moments, and a great supporting cast made of veterans of other nerdy shows, including Missy Peregrym (Heroes), Ray Wise (Twin Peaks), and Tyler Labine (Invasion), who should get a Best Supporting Actor Emmy nomination for his work in the premiere.

If only the CW would reschedule Reaper so it didn't have to go up against House and the DwtS Results Show.

Tonight, I'll be watching one of the strangest collections of shows imaginable: Countdown with Keith Olbermann, Moonlight, The Soup, and Bill Moyers Journal.

I'm excited for the debut of Moonlight because I know one of the writers, and because it marks the return of Jason Dohring, aka Logan from Veronica Mars. Further, the show's star, Alex O'Loughlin, confirmed that Moonlight only deals with vampires, and not the rest of supernatural pantheon. That should serve to separate it from other otherworldly series like Supernatural and Blood Ties.

Survivor China: Episode 2

On this week's Survivor, the Zhan Hu tribe lost one more member -- and all of its lip rings.

Dave's offer to take charge of the listless Zhan Hu tribe turned out to be a mixed blessing. Sure, he helped them build a fire pit and gather firewood, but he was a total jerk about it. Or, as his tribemate Ashley put it, Dave was a "tool."

His efforts didn't help the team win challenges either, as he took so long crafting his dream barbecue that he wouldn't let his tribemates build a cooking fire until after the Immunity Challenge. The team wanted to go into challenges hungry -- just not that kind of hungry.

As for the challenges, this week's Reward Challenge would be a big hit if CBS chose to release a Survivor China: Uncensored DVD. Three members of each tribe faced off against one another trying to 1) roll a huge ball across a mud pit and into their team's goal, and 2) stop the other team from doing the same.

In order to keep their only sets of clothes clean, most of the Survivors competed in their underwear. And as they wrestled in the mud -- wouldn't you know it -- most of their underwear came off. Amanda rolled a ball into Fei Long's goal as her teammates cheered, "Put your top back on!"

Amanda covered her chest and said, "My mom's going to kill me!"

The challenge was a best of three. In round two, James was able to seal the victory for Fei Long pretty quickly. The tribe was rewarded with fishing gear and the opportunity to kidnap a member of the other tribe until the next Immunity Challenge. They nabbed Zhan Hu's only upbeat member, Jaime.

On the way to her temporary camp, Jeff Probst handed Jaime a special package to be opened in secret. A note inside instructed Jamie to give a sealed clue to the whereabouts of a Hidden Immunity Idol to a member of the Fei Long tribe.

She made the shrewd decision to give the clue to Fei Long's weakest player, Christian radio host Leslie, in the hopes that she would stick around at the expense of someone stronger. Leslie accepted the clue as a gift from God, as opposed to from Jaime.

Leslie then made as stupid a move as Jaime's was smart. She shared the clue with Todd, in the hopes that they could find the Immunity Idol together and then share it. Todd was evidently so crafty that he'd been able to convince Leslie that he was trustworthy, while simultaneously forming an alliance with Amanda and using Aaron as his puppet dictator.

Needless to say, as soon as Todd heard the clue from Leslie, he started planning on how to get rid of her and keep the Idol for himself.

He wouldn't have that chance, though, as Zhan Hu lost the Immunity Challenge and headed back to Tribal Council again. After three days of constant bickering between Ashley and Dave, it was clear that one of them needed to go.

Everyone on Zhan Hu seemed to like Ashley better, but they feared losing Dave's strength. So they took the opportunity at Tribal Council to tell Dave that he was patronizing and rude, and gave him one more chance to straighten up.

They gave Ashley the hook instead, and as she left, she pointed at Dave and said, "I'll see you soon."

She's probably right, because next week Dave becomes even more frustrated with his lazy tribemates. Something tells me that Dave, who rolls his eyes as naturally as he breathes, won't be able to keep his frustrations to himself.

Ox Notes: September 27, 2007

TV Guide's backstage report from last night's Dancing with the Stars Results Show features a reminder of why Dolly Parton is so cool. While filming her performances, a fan in the balcony yelled out, "I love you, Dolly!" Dolly replied, "I told you to wait in the truck!"

People also filed their own behind-the-scenes reports from Monday's premiere, Tuesday's Performance Show, and last night's Results Show, which won the night with 16.62 million viewers.

Dance fever seems to have taken over the networks, as both ABC and NBC are planning scripted series about young New Yorkers trying to make it in the performing arts.

I'm not sure NBC will be as lucky with two other shows it's working on. First is a reality competition show called Phenomenon, in which illusionists perform live tricks that are judged by the Mindfreak, Criss Angel. And the second is a remake of Knight Rider. As if you can improve on the original.

Speaking of things as stupid as a show about a talking car, the contestants on America's Next Top Model didn't get the eco-friendly message that producers tried to impress upon them -- although one of the models did try to make sense of it: "It really is important to just be aware of what keeps our earth good."

In other modeling-related news, Project Runway 4 premieres on Wednesday, November 14.

Finally, farmer Steve "Chicken" Morris gave an interview to TV Guide after becoming the first contestant eliminated from Survivor: China. Even though he didn't last long in the game, the Survivor experience gave Chicken the travel bug: "...when a neighbor or friend used to say, 'Hey, I'm going to Scotland next week,' it kind of went in one ear and out the other. After you've traveled one time and you hear people tell about their trip, now I've got my ear cocked: I want to hear about it." Happy travels, Chicken.

DwtS 5, Week 1: Results

The fans agreed with the judges, and the couple with the lowest score became the first couple eliminated from Dancing with the Stars 5.

This season's first results show got underway with the traditional judges' encore. Sabrina & Mark took the honors for their high-scoring Cha Cha.

After the encore, Dolly Parton performed her classic country hit, "9 to 5," as professional dancers Cheryl, Derek, Julianne, and Mark took to the floor.

Then, fans who'd been in the studio audience for this week's two Performance Shows gave their opinions of the dancers. The other members of the Cheetah Girls said they wished they looked as good as Jane Seymour does now. Chris Harrison, host of The Bachelor, could only mutter, "Josie's pretty." And a female fan said of Cameron, "I wanted to skinny dip in his eyes."

Then it was time for Drew Lachey to chat backstage with the first four couples who were announced as safe for this week: Sabrina & Mark, Jennie & Derek, Helio & Julianne, and Albert & Anna. Drew noted that Sabrina had tied Mario Lopez for the highest first week score in DwtS history, although that didn't wind up helping Mario at the end.

And Albert revealed that he and Anna have a plan to win: "We're gonna keep it fun -- keep it sassy."

Drew deadpanned, "Gonna keep it sassy. I can hardly wait."

New this season was corporate sponsorship for the guest dancers who perform at the Results Shows. Tonight, "Stars of Dance, sponsored by Macy's" presented a performance by tap dancer Savion Glover.

The tap dance was followed by another song by Dolly Parton, who sang "Better Get to Livin'," from her upcoming album.

Kenny Mayne stole the show with his comedic look at "The Origins of Dance." He strolled along the beach in a sparkly ballroom shirt, examining cave drawings in the caves of "Africa, which looks amazingly like Malibu, California." Mayne ultimately determined that dance originated on British TV with Len Goodman. Then it came to America, where fans tuned in to see if George Hamilton is still alive.

Finally, it was revealed which couples received the lowest number of votes on Monday and Tuesday nights: Josie & Alec and Mark & Kym.

Ultimately, Josie & Alec received both the lowest judges' scores and the fewest votes, and they were sent home. Tom Bergeron pointed at the judges and asked Josie if she'd like to say anything to anyone. She looked at the judges' table and said, "Thanks for your... honesty?"

After Josie thanked Alec, he urged everyone who had voted for them to shift all of their future votes to his wife Edyta -- and Cameron. And then Alec and Josie danced to The Cars' incredibly melancholy "Drive."

DwtS 5, Week 1: A Second Opinion

Season 5 of Dancing with the Stars is off and running. After two nights of surprisingly competent performances, it's clear that the ladies have blasted out of the starting gate while the men, with the exception of Helio, are still finishing their warm-up laps. Here's my take on this season's field of celebrity dance teams.

TURBOCHARGED

Sabrina & Mark
This Cheetah Girl totally delivered the fresh edge that she promised, courtesy of a dynamic and explosive Cha Cha Cha routine. This number was the hands-down best performance of both nights. Sabrina exuded confidence and high energy with her sharp crisp actions, strong hip movement, and precision footwork. Her partner, Mark, was no slouch either. Their great synchronization and infectious smiles captivated the in-house audience and earned them a well-deserved standing ovation.

Mark's decision to incorporate hip-hop into the routine's demanding choreography was a resounding success and certainly added to this duo's appeal. In fact, their fierce performance likely won them a whole bunch of brand new cheetahlicious fans. Clearly this pair has already gelled and is well positioned to go the distance, leaving many of their competitors in the dust!

Jane & Tony
Dr. Quinn's prescription for a Foxtrot that embodied the English Rose was beautifully filled by Tony's charming routine. Jane was elegance personified, as she effortlessly floated across the dance floor. Her lovely arm extensions and delicate yet expressive hand movements showcased this pair's enchanting performance.

Tony's superb choreography incorporated a wonderful balance of steps in hold and steps apart. Their well-rehearsed delivery and graceful synchronization secured them a first place position for the Foxtrot. This is another well-matched team that is likely to qualify in a number of heats before the quarterfinals.

Helio & Julianne
This charismatic Indy champion reaffirmed his racing expertise with a bewitching Foxtrot performance. Helio was the only male celebrity to deliver convincingly on the dance floor. He was surprisingly relaxed and smooth, not to mention personable.

Once again, Julianne's choreography shone through. The chemistry between this pair was tangible, and their performance contained just the right mixture of playfulness and elegance. Even their facial expressions deserve accolades, right down to Julianne's nose twitching at the end of their "Bewitched By You" dance number. As Len proclaimed, Helio is firing on all four cylinders. And, based on his racing history, this challenger is determined to claim the checkered flag.

Mel B & Maksim
Scary Spice flaunted her feline prowess with both a leopard print dress and a feisty Cha Cha Cha number. Mel B's energetic delivery included all the key fundamentals characteristic of this Latin dance: crisp movements, good hip action, smooth turns, and cheeky interplay. Mel displayed a strong sense of rhythm and movements that were well synchronized with her partner. This Spice Girl's entertainment background gave her an experienced edge that promoted a relaxed and confident performance.

My only negative observation pertains to the choreography. Too much of this pair's routine was reminiscent of Maks' partnership with Laila. Even though the steps were competently performed, the number came off, for many returning viewers, as somewhat stale. Still, this duo certainly has the horsepower to maintain a leading position.

ON CRUISE CONTROL

Jennie & Derek
This "Yummy Mummy" delivered a pleasing and competent Cha Cha Cha routine that was overshadowed by the outstanding performances of Sabrina and Mel. Jennie's rendition of this dance was what viewers typically expect on the first night of the season. Her hip action was adept, her turns relatively smooth, her synchronization fairly solid, her footwork slightly unsteady, and her arm placement proficient.

Despite being the first competitor on the floor, Jennie managed to control her nervousness and appeared relaxed and comfortable. Consequently, Derek's choreography, while somewhat complicated, was well executed and produced an overall good performance. Jennie's partnership with Derek, though not as stable as some of the leading couples, showed promising potential. Even though she's not one of my favoured contenders, I expect Jennie will last a few more laps before exiting the field.

Marie & Jonathan
This Osmond entertainer who was "a little bit country" has definitely moved uptown! Marie's performance of the Foxtrot was classy, playful and elegant. She moved confidently around the ballroom, demonstrating mastery of the basic steps, with beautiful lines and nice arm extensions.

Jonathan, of all the male pros, consistently does a superb job choreographing numbers that showcase his partners. His efforts with Marie produced a smooth and pleasing routine that created a beautiful story on the dance floor. In addition, Marie's infectious smile, charming wit, and natural rapport positively enhance her popularity. Hopefully, this duo will garner enough votes to keep them in the race for a few more heats.

Cameron & Edyta
This All My Children heartthrob lived up to his charismatic reputation by delivering a competent first performance. Canadian cutie Cameron danced a Foxtrot that rated midway between a Rolls Royce and a Volkswagen. The number included a mostly pleasing combination of hits and misses. For the most part, his posture was good but not perfect, his foot placement was adequate, his arm extensions were commendable, his floor coverage was satisfactory, and his execution was relatively smooth and relaxed. Cameron's first night routine was another performance that fulfilled typical audience expectations.

Cameron and Edyta are an enjoyable pair to watch on the dance floor. They have lots of potential, providing Cameron's shooting schedule does not significantly interfere with their practice time. So far this duo can safely cruise along in the middle of the pack.

Mark & Kym
This bionic billionaire was another competitor who successfully embraced his inner dance essence. Mark's Foxtrot was amusing and relaxed, and displayed a good sense of musicality. Although not one of my favourite off-the-dance-floor celebrities, Mark executed an unexpectedly enjoyable routine that featured more showmanship than anticipated. While Mark's posture may have been a bit lacking, his footwork slightly off, and his lip-syncing annoyingly distracting, overall he was smooth and light on his feet.

Mark still needs to tone down his overly exaggerated facial expressions and work on his technique. But for a first-time performance, Mark definitely earned a passing grade. The Kym and Mark partnership forms another team that can coast around the track for a couple more laps.

Albert & Anna
Did this Abercrombie & Fitch model get lost on his way to a Chippendale audition? Albert's pulsating, gyrating, and hip grinding movements were more characteristic of a stripper's routine than a classic Cha Cha Cha. But whatever the explanation, Anna's choreography certainly captivated the audience. This entertaining and amusing number was a real crowd pleaser and one of the more memorable entries of the night.

Technically, however, there were a number of flaws. The transitioning sequences were weak, the movements were jerky and the Cha Cha Cha elements were few and far between. Still, the performance was energetic and Albert was totally committed to its delivery. Perhaps some tweaking under this car's hood will diminish the high-octane output that rendered Carrie Ann practically speechless.

STUCK IN FIRST GEAR

Josie & Alec
This "deceptively unfit" supermodel looks fantastic on the dance floor…until she starts dancing! To put it kindly, Josie is not the most coordinated of competitors. Her rendition of the Foxtrot was jerky, tight, and lacked control. Alec attempted to conceal his partner's weak dancing skills by performing most of the routine in hold but was quickly called out by Len.

Despite Josie's shortcomings, she appeared relaxed and animated throughout her performance. The pair looked good together and displayed some lovely lines. On an optimistic note, Josie comes across as quite witty and personable. Here's hoping that Alec's Boot Camp produces some rapid results, otherwise this entry may be deemed no longer roadworthy and quickly put up on blocks!

Wayne & Cheryl
Mr. Las Vegas may be a singing icon but his dancing abilities fall more in the Average Joe category. While Wayne's enthusiasm and work ethic are commendable, his Cha Cha Cha routine lacked flow, commitment, and overall appeal. Wayne's movements were tight, his hip action was lacking, and his foot placement was weak. Furthermore, Wayne lacked the confidence and aggression exhibited by several of the other celebrities.

Unfortunately for Cheryl, injecting a flirty flavour into this dance was difficult and, for the most part, unconvincing, given the age gap between the two. Also, Wayne's physical condition appears questionable. Judging from his sweat-soaked workout clothes, it seems that Wayne's chassis is in need of a major overhaul. I don't expect that this competitor packs enough under the hood to carry him very far in the race.

Floyd & Karina
The World's Best Boxer faces a steep uphill climb in his pursuit of this season's coveted trophy. Floyd's performance of the Cha Cha Cha was not nearly strong enough to position him anywhere near the winner's circle. His posture was all over the place, his synchronization was more off than on, and his partnership with Karina lacked chemistry and visual appeal. Although Floyd delivered in the energy and rhythm departments, his aggressive performance did little to complement his partner's efforts.

Given Floyd's demanding off-the-dance-floor commitments and Karina's rather abrasive attitude, I have serious reservations about this competitor's longevity. Retiring this entry from the field might be the most realistic and compassionate step.

Ox Notes: September 26, 2007

TV Guide's backstage report from last night's Dancing with the Stars Performance Show reveals that Monday night's strong showing by the women sent many of the men scurrying back to the rehearsal studio for extra practice. It gave Mark Cuban time to perfect challenging moves like Churn the Butter and The Sprinkler.

Here's an interview with Ashley DeForest, 23-year-old tap dancer from the Chicago suburbs who'll be performing with Savion Glover during tonight's DwtS Results Show.

Fox's scripted reality show Nashville became the first show of the 2007-2008 season to be canceled, although it will return sometime later in October.

E! is adding to its own stable of scripted reality shows with Tales From the Hoff, a fictionalized version of David Hasselhoff's life starring the man himself. As if laying on the floor shirtless while eating a cheeseburger isn't entertaining enough.

NBC is planning to exploit a new Nielsen rule by reairing the premiere of Heroes on Saturday night with all of the same commercials that aired on Monday, allowing them to add their Saturday ratings to the Monday ratings and boost the premiere's numbers. Nielsen needs to close that loophole before their ratings system loses even more credibility.

Mark Burnett would like to disabuse children of their belief that their dad is the best dad in the world by forcing fathers to compete against one another on an NBC game show called My Dad Is Better Than Your Dad.

And Katie Couric says that, despite being subjected to pressure from NBC not to ask politicians tough questions in the run up to the Iraq War, she doesn't feel the need to do so now either, even with her own show at another network: "Is it my job to go to Iraq and say this war is terrible and we should pull out? I don't think that's the case." You're a real champion for truth, Katie.

DwtS 5, Week 1: Second Performance Show

Based on tonight's performance show, there's a clear frontrunner among the men, and five other guys who should be worried about tomorrow night's elimination.

After a recap of the ladies' performances, Len Goodman gave his assessment of the dances. He said the judges agreed that the ladies set an unbelievably high standard, and he was hoping their performances would stick, so it would be "bye-bye" to one of the boys.

Cameron Mathison & Edyta Sliwinska -- Fox Trot
Cameron's work schedule is tight, and so are his hips. But it didn't show too much in this smooth performance. Besides, Edyta's more than flexible enough to make up for Cameron. Overall, it was a charming first effort from the soap star.

Len joked, "Cameron, you remind me so much of myself: tall, good looking, muscular body. But enough about me. I thought it was a really good job first time out." Bruno said, "You have very good arm lines for a man. Not quite a Rolls Royce yet, but not a Buick either." Carrie Ann told Cameron, "I think you made a lot of women happy watching you."

Judges' Scores: Carrie Ann...7, Len...7, Bruno...7 = 21/30

Floyd Mayweather & Karina Smirnoff -- Cha Cha Cha
On the first day of rehearsal, Floyd gave Karina attitude and she walked out. But they came together to develop a routine with which they could both be happy. However, there were even more hip-hop moves in this routine than in Sabrina's dance last night. If they want to stick around, Floyd's going to need to fix his awkward posture and soften up a bit.

Bruno told Floyd. "If you channel that energy and you focus on technique, you could be an amazing dancer." Len advised Floyd, "It was good; it wasn't a great first round." Then he pointed at Karina and said, "Trust this girl. She's a great trainer." Carrie Ann wanted more "finesse" from Floyd: "You have to treat Karina with a little more tenderness."

Judges' Scores: Carrie Ann...6, Len...6, Bruno...6 = 18/30

Helio Castroneves & Julianne Hough -- Fox Trot
Helio was all smiles during his classy debut performance, complete with Julianne sporting a neat pants outfit. It's very hard not to like a guy who lets his partner dip him at the end of their routine.

Carrie Ann told Helio, "You are a natural." Bruno said, "The King of Speed has become the King of Charm. I have to praise the choreography and the chemistry between you two." Len said, "That. Was. Great. It was like you were on cruise control."

As they waited for their scores, Drew Lachey asked Helio, "When I was doing this show, I didn't smile until Week 6. You haven't stopped smiling. Are you just that happy?" Helio smiled and replied, "I guess I had more fun than you."

Judges' Scores: Carrie Ann...8, Len...9, Bruno...8 = 25/30

Albert Reed & Anna Trebunskaya -- Cha Cha Cha
The routine began with Albert posing and Anna ripping off his jacket, in a nod to his modeling career. Albert's first performance was uneven: some cool moves mixed in with some not-so-cool moves. But he's got real potential, if he can learn to tone down his exaggerated facial expressions.

Len enthused, "You gyrated, you rotated, and you pulsated. It was like watching a stripper!" Bruno said, "The crotch action was like a warp drive. I got a hernia just watching it! Great, great fun!" Carrie Ann gave more modest praise: "It was more other stuff than it was Cha Cha, but it was a lot of fun."

Judges' Scores: Carrie Ann...7, Len...7, Bruno...7 = 21/30

Mark Cuban & Kym Johnson -- Fox Trot
Mark was surprisingly loose for a guy with a new hip, and he was very light on his feet. He looked like he had a good time singing along with the music, although he needs to look at Kym more. It was a good first effort with room to grow.

Bruno called Mark the "bouncing, bionic billionaire. If you keep working the technique, you can do well." Carrie Ann said, "You're more of a showman than I expected you to be. Just watch the tongue motions a little. Keep it in the mouth." Len "It wasn't exactly a dance floor disaster. It wasn't exactly ballroom bliss. It was somewhere in between."

Judges' Scores: Carrie Ann...7, Len...7, Bruno...7 = 21/30

Wayne Newton & Kym Johnson -- Cha Cha Cha
Wayne stays fit by water skiing, playing tennis, and practicing karate, so he had no trouble keeping his feet moving. The performance was all the more charming because, based on the way Wayne looked at Cheryl, you can tell how fond he is of her. And for a guy in his sixties, he wasn't any stiffer than most of the younger guys he was competing against.

Carrie Ann told Wayne, "You were so charming up there. I wanna see you open up your hips a little bit more. I think you've got more hip action waiting in your hips." Len said, "You came out and showed a lot of great basic moves. Well done to you, Cheryl." Bruno added, "It's a great honor having you here, and hopefully you'll stay with us for a long time.'

When Drew asked Cheryl what it's like coaching someone 20 years older than any of her previous partners (himself included), she replied, "You know, I've been thinking about that, and, after all the seasons I've done, Wayne might just be the best partner I've had." As Drew gave the couple's voting phone number, he said, "If you want Mr. Las Vegas to have another roll of the dice -- not so much his partner, maybe -- but Wayne..."

Judges' Scores: Carrie Ann...6, Len...7, Bruno...6 = 19/30

Leaderboard:
25 -- Helio & Julianne
21 -- Cameron & Edyta, Albert & Anna, Mark & Kym
19 -- Wayne & Cheryl
18 -- Floyd & Karina

While tonight's scoring was pretty tight -- apart from Helio's clear victory -- I think there may have been more difference in the performances. My ranking for the remaining five dancers is Albert, Cameron, Mark, Wayne, and then Floyd.

Since each phone number and email address get six votes tonight, I'd give three of mine to Helio and one each to Albert, Cameron, and Mark. Wayne and Floyd are on their own, although I'm sure Wayne is safe.

At Wednesday night's Results Show, Dolly Parton and tap dancer Savion Glover perform. And Kenny Mayne returns, although no word on if he'll be bringing "Dance Center" back. I hope so.

Ox Notes: September 25, 2007

TV Guide has a behind-the-scenes report from last night's Dancing with the Stars premiere, and inside the ballroom, Sabrina Bryan was the evening's clear winner.

Also premiering last night were the reedited episodes of Discovery's Man vs. Wild in which host Bear Grylls discloses which portions of the show were faked.

NBC is bringing The Biggest Loser back as a midseason replacement.

Chris Lowell -- better known as Piz on Veronica Mars -- gave a charming interview to TV Guide about his new gig on ABC's Private Practice.

Wired uses its vast amount of geek experience to critique this season's geeky TV offerings, including shows like Chuck and The Big Bang Theory.

Finally, Variety's Brian Lowry has an insightful editorial piece about the tribalism of TV audiences, and the lack of a common scripted series that everyone watches. These days, reality shows like American Idol and Dancing with the Stars are the closest things we've got to universal hits.

DwtS 5, Week 1: First Performance Show

Dancing with the Stars 5 premiered with performances by the most talented cast of female celebrities in the show's history. The men have their work cut out for them when they take the floor tomorrow night.

Tom Bergeron was joined by his special guest co-host, Drew Lachey, who'll be filling in while Samantha Harris is on maternity leave. She missed an exciting introductory performance by the cast's professional dancers, who got to show off their chops before dancing with their amateur partners.

Jennie Garth & Derek Hough -- Cha Cha Cha
Jennie said in her rehearsal footage that she wanted to look classy, and she definitely did. She's not afraid to use her arms, which made for an expressive performance. With the help of her partner, Derek, Jennie's already learning how to make a routine look polished. She's got loads of potential.

Judge Len Goodman said, "You came out full of confidence. You had great hip action. I'd like you now to work on your leg action." In a nod to Jennie's kids, who were in the rehearsal footage, Bruno Tonioli called Jennie a "yummy mummy." Carrie Ann Inaba said, "I can tell that you're not quite there yet. But really, for the first time out there, I thought you did a really good job."

Judges' Scores: Carrie Ann...7, Len...7, Bruno...7 = 21/30

Josie Maran & Alec Mazo -- Fox Trot
Their rehearsal footage featured a clip of Alec saying, "Josie is deceptively unfit," and their first performance proved it. Alec appeared to be dragging her around the floor during some parts of their dance. But her technique was actually pretty good for someone new to dancing, and her face couldn't hide the fun (and occasional terror) she was experiencing. Her charisma should shine through even more in one of the Latin dances.

Len told Josie, "You came out and you looked fantastic," but he called Alec out for choreographing so much of the dance in closed hold so that he could prop Josie up. Carrie Ann stayed positive, saying of Josie's facial expressions, "You made me believe you were having a good time." But Bruno told Josie, "You looked like a beautiful sailing ship stranded on the sandbank."

Judges' Scores: Carrie Ann...6, Len...5, Bruno...5 = 16/30

Sabrina Bryan & Mark Ballas -- Cha Cha Cha
Sabrina has tremendous speed in her turns, and it's going to be hard for any of the other women to match her in that regard. But Mark had his hands full trying to undo Sabrina's extensive hip-hop training, and he wound up choreographing an abundance of hip-hop moves into their Cha Cha. Luckily, Sabrina's a good enough hip-hop dancer that the moves looked like a part of the dance, rather than a separate breakdown section.

Carrie Ann shouted, "You were fierce! I've never, ever, ever seen anyone do a Cha Cha like that on the show!" Bruno poured on the praise: "Sabrina. You are a bewitching, blonde dynamo! Your footwork had almost surgical precision." Len told Bruno to "take a chill pill," before he warned Sabrina & Mark: "I don't wanna see hip-hop, so for that I'm going to have to knock you off a few points."

Judges' Scores: Carrie Ann...9, Len...8, Bruno...9 = 26/30

Marie Osmond & Jonathan Roberts -- Fox Trot
Marie's strategy for winning? "25 million viewers. 22 million of those: Osmonds." And she's going to need the help of all of them. Her performance was solid, but it was noticeably slower than those given by the other women. Jonathan's really going to have to push Marie in practice if they hope to keep up with the pack.

Bruno said the performance was "classy, yet sassy. Your acting covered a lot of technical shortcomings." Len said that DwtS is a lot like Christmas, and "this was a lovely present." Carrie Ann told Marie, "You are just so incredibly adorable out there. You lines are beautiful; it's not just the charisma."

Backstage as the couple waited for their scores, Drew asked Marie if she could be the woman to win to break the men's winning streak. She didn't say yes, instead saying, "I'm not gonna throw in the towel."

Judges' Scores: Carrie Ann...7, Len...7, Bruno...7 = 21/30

Melanie Brown & Maksim Chmerkovskiy -- Cha Cha Cha
After predictable rehearsal footage of Melanie reluctantly relinquishing control to Maks, these two hit the floor with lots of energy. Maks, whose black turtleneck get up made him look like (in the words of my husband) the world's fanciest cat burglar, worked just a couple of hip-hop moves into the routine as a concession to Mel. Their first performance was great, and Mel's only going to get better.

Carrie Ann said, "Your energy was up there. You guys were a bit out of sync on some of the turns." Len, who suddenly developed an outrageous cockney accent, blurted, "I liked it a lot." Bruno said of Mel, "The feisty kitten was out tonight, and she was right on the money."

Judges' Scores: Carrie Ann...8, Len...8, Bruno...8 = 24/30

As Mel & Maks talked with Drew about their scores in a backstage interview, Alec sulked on a couch in the background, undoubtedly contemplating how it would feel to be the first pro eliminated for a second year in a row. (I hope it doesn't happen, but he's right to be worried.)

Then, as the show went to one last commercial break, Tom joked that the final contestant of the night was "going to use her experience to get past the half-naked 20-year-olds. But what is she going to use on the women?"

Jane Seymour & Tony Dovolani -- Fox Trot
When Jane realized she'd been paired with Tony, she screamed with joy and ran at him. Tony was equally happy to have a partner who's so self-motivating -- and because it was a boyhood dream of his to dance with Jane Seymour.

Jane's ballet background shone through in their performance. She really knows how to use her hands, and she and Tony make a lovely couple. Jane's set a very high bar for the Ballroom dances, and it will be exciting to see what she can do with the Latin dances.

Bruno complemented Jane's "lovely detailing. You really are very, very delicate and elegant." Carrie Ann agreed: "You were elegance personified." Len praised Jane's partner for "a lovely job," but warned, "The turns are the things to watch."

Judges' Scores: Carrie Ann...8, Len...8, Bruno...8 = 24/30

Leaderboard:
26 -- Sabrina & Mark
24 -- Melanie & Maksim, Jane & Tony
21 -- Jennie & Derek, Marie & Jonathan
16 -- Josie & Alec

With so many great performances, it really is hard to choose a favorite. Jane was the best at the Fox Trot, and Sabrina clearly won the Cha Cha, so I'd have to split my votes between them -- with a vote or to thrown Josie's way just to see that she gets a second chance.

Tomorrow night, the men perform the same two dances as the women, before the first couple is eliminated on Wednesday night.

Ox Notes: September 24, 2007

When Dancing with the Stars 5 premieres tonight at 8 ET, the show will be missing one of its key players. Co-host Samantha Harris gave birth to a baby girl yesterday, and will be taking some time off from the show.

TV Guide posted the last of its DwtS interviews over the weekend: Sabrina Bryan, Helio Castroneves, and Josie Maran.

The author of this article about Floyd Mayweather, Jr's. bad boy reputation warns: "What the mainstream public doesn't know about Floyd Mayweather, Jr. could hurt them."

And while every other star seems to need convincing to appear on the show, Sabrina Bryan may be the only contestant who had to beg for her spot on DwtS. When producers told her before the start of Season 4 that they thought she had too much performance experience, she responded, "Joey Fatone (from ‘N Sync) is on the show, what’s up with that?"

Join us at our main site -- MyOxIsBroken.com -- for a live chat during tonight's premiere. Hope to see you there!

Ox Notes: September 21, 2007

Here are yet more interviews to help you get to know Dancing with the Stars contestants Jennie Garth and Jane Seymour. Fellow competitor Floyd Mayweather, Jr.'s biggest supporter might be his boxing rival, Ricky Hatton, who hopes that a long run on DwtS will keep Floyd from focusing on his boxing training.

According to the ratings, this fall season is starting slow for the networks. Perhaps some shows will be boosted by iTunes, which is offering free downloads of certain FOX premieres. ABC hopes to boost its viewership by taking some of its shows to AOL.

Or perhaps viewers are just waiting for something really big to come along -- like Celebrity Rehab on VH-1. The show will feature stars from other VH-1 celebreality shows, all of whom need some sort of professional help.

Turns out Charisma Carpenter won't appear on Donald Trump's celebrity edition of The Apprentice after all. Maybe instead of using celebrities, Trump should just do an all-star edition. I'm sure all of the former contestants are available, since the show hasn't exactly turned any of them into superstars.

The debut of Survivor: China helped CBS win Thursday night in a landslide. Jeff Probst talked about the new season in this Zap2It interview, and two more of his behind-the-scenes videos have been posted at YouTube. The first video looks at how the set for Tribal Council was built, and the second follows a day in the life of Jeff Probst -- specifically, the Survivors' 15th day in the jungle.

Survivor China: Episode 1

On tonight's premiere of Survivor: China, Chicken's goose got cooked.

The setting for this season is beautiful, managing to seem isolated while still invoking iconic images of China. The jungle scenery and mountainous landscapes are so lovely that every future season of Survivor should be filmed in Southeast Asia. Hell, every future season of every show on TV should be filmed there.

Based on their first few days in the jungle, the Fei Long tribe look like they could dominate the game for a while. They managed to build a shelter in half the time it took rival tribe Zhan Hu to finish arguing about building a shelter.

From the little footage we saw of them, the members of Fei Long seem to be getting great. Great, that is, except for New York waitress Courtney, who hates everything. She rolled her eyes when Jeff Probst greeted the Survivors. She was miffed by a Buddhist monk who corrected her for not showing the proper amount of respect during a traditional ceremony. And she's annoyed by every word that comes out of her teammates' mouths.

So far, Courtney has shown herself to be devoid of any redeeming qualities. Needless to say, I love her. This season is going to be hilarious, thanks to her.

The Zhan Hu tribe, on the other hand, is already falling apart. Pro wrestler Ashley was sick for the first couple of days. And the entire tribe hates jewelry designer Peih-Gee (PG), whose greatest sin was in trying to make the tribe work -- so they wouldn't have to spend another night standing awake in the rain. Farmer Chicken was so annoyed with his lazy tribemates that he refused to give his opinion on anything, letting them muddle along with their feeble attempts to build a shelter, when he could've been giving them direction.

Throughout their struggles, former model Dave reassured his teammates one-by-one that each of them had no reason to worry about being voted out. Then he plotted their ouster behind their backs.

Thankfully, to either lighten the mood or make things even more uncomfortable, Zhan Hu has school teacher Sherea, who was cast as this season's requisite large-breasted woman with a woefully unsupportive brassiere. Her constant jiggling is either amusing or unnerving, depending on your perspective. But at least Sherea has a bra. Tribemate Jaime wasn't wearing one when the teams had been sent into the wild without their suitcases.

It wasn't surprising when Fei Long's superior teamwork helped them win the first Immunity Challenge. And the Zhan Hu tribe was similarly predictable at Tribal Council, where they followed the time-honored Survivor tradition of eliminating the annoying older person, first chance they got.

At least Chicken went out with flair, yelling, "Damn!" and scaring the crap out of Ashley after the verdict was announced.

Next week, Dave takes on a leadership role at Zhan Hu, and pro gambler Jean-Robert gets asked to pull his considerable weight at Fei Long.

Ox Notes: September 20, 2007

TV Guide posted a Dancing with the Stars interview with Melanie Brown. It should come as no surprise that she and partner Maksim Chmerkovskiy are already yelling at each other.

It turns out that Floyd Mayweather, Jr. has even more on his plate that simultaneously training for DwtS and a boxing match. Starting November 18 -- less than a week after DwtS 5 wraps up -- Floyd will star in an HBO reality series that will follow him day and night as he prepares for his December 8 fight.

Anthony Bourdain's blog entry about last night's episode of Top Chef is up at Bravo's website. And after seeing how Casey and Sara got frazzled by the dudes in the Le Cirque kitchen staring at them as they worked, Gail Simmons wrote about her own experience working there straight out of culinary school. Apparently, things haven't changed much.

After bailing on iTunes, NBC is offering free downloads of its shows for the week following each episode's premiere through a service called NBC Direct.

Slate has an interesting piece about big budget network shows run amok.

I tuned in for a couple of series premieres last night: Kid Nation and Gossip Girl. Gossip Girl was exactly the kind of catty teenage drama I was hoping for. As a fan of Whit Stillman's films, I was bound to love this sleaze fest set in the world of preppy New York socialites. Gossip Girl is a show I'm planning on watching each week.

Kid Nation, on the other hand, is not. It's not terrible, but instead of focusing on the cool premise of kids building their own society, producers interjected totally unnecessary elements of competition into the show.

After the four producer-chosen leaders divided their comrades into teams (as directed by the producers), the adult host of the show arrived to have the kids take part in some challenge to determine which jobs each team would get, and how much money they would earn to spend at the town store. The winning team became The Upper Class, earning more money than the others without having to do any work. Just the value kids need to learn: class over community.

The show's real drama occurred before the adults started meddling in things. The junior pioneers had to figure out how to cook a meal for 40 people, and how to run a meeting of 40 noisy, rambunctious kids. Now they know how their teachers feel every day.

Instead of just letting the story unfold on its own, Kid Nation looks like any other Mark Burnett produce reality game show. Some of the kids are sweet, but eventually they will all have some not-so-sweet moments that I'd rather not see. I'd be mortified if half of the stupid crap I said as a kid was captured on film.

Even after all of the controversy surrounding the show, Kid Nation didn't even win its time slot. And if other viewers had the same reaction as me or TV Guide's Matt Roush, things will only get worse.

Ox Notes: September 19, 2007

If you've not heard the latest controversial bit of news courtesy of The View, prepare to have your mind blown. Yesterday, as the panelists discussed their religious views, it was brought up that born-again Christian Sherri Shepherd doesn't believe in evolution.

Attempting to determine what scientific facts Shepherd believes and which she doesn't, Whoopi Goldberg asked Shepherd if the world is round or flat. Shepherd's answer: "I don't know." The discussion of whether the earth is flat or not continued for several minutes, and despite several opportunities, Shepherd never definitively stated that she knew the earth is round. [Click here for an abbreviated clip of the discussion or here for the full seven-minute clip.]

I watched the first segment of today's episode to see if yesterday's discussion was addressed, and it was. Shepherd said that she knows the world is round, and that she was just very nervous yesterday. Or, in her own eloquent words, her brain had a "senior, poopy moment." Elisabeth Hasselbeck comforted Shepherd by saying that it's "okay not to care if the world is round or flat."

What confounds me about this situation is that, during yesterday's discussion, Goldberg, Joy Behar, and Barbara Walters were so careful not to offend Shepherd that they never said, "Everyone knows the world is round. Next topic." It confounds me even more that Walters has let Shepherd remain a part of the cast after displaying an unforgivable degree of stupidity and a complete lack of creative thinking skills.

Embracing diversity and allowing people to form their own conclusions does not mean tolerating willful ignorance. If the producers of The View are so concerned with not offending idiots that they're willing to let indisputable facts be called into question, that's their prerogative. But the next time I watch The View or post anything about the it will be when Whoopi, Joy, or Barbara quit in protest, or when Sherri or Elisabeth are fired.

On to happier topics, like Dancing with the Stars. Albert Reed says he's prepared for the inevitable rumors of a romance with his professional partner, Anna Trebunskaya, despite the fact that Anna is married to fellow DwtS pro Jonathan Roberts.

The New Zealand version of Dancing with the Stars has raised $1 million for charity in three years by collecting money when fans cast their votes. Makes you wonder how much money the US version could've raised in its four seasons if it had done the same.

The release of the Battlestar Galactica Season 3 DVD has been pushed back again, and won't be released until spring.

Before I shove off to celebrate International Talk Like a Pirate Day, CBS has posted two more behind-the-scenes videos from the set of Survivor: China. Jeff Probst hosts the vids and shows the remote location of one of the challenges, as well as the efforts that went into creating and testing a challenge modeled after the Great Wall of China. Yarrr....

Ox Notes: September 18, 2007

TV Guide's latest Dancing with the Stars interview is with Cameron Mathison, who feels guilty about forcing newlywed partner Edyta Sliwinska to commute to New York so he can tape All My Children.

Mathison's fellow DwtS contestant Mark Cuban took a break from training to attend an exciting Chicago Cubs game last night; he's thinking of buying the team. Jane Seymour sized up her competition, and former contestant Ian Ziering says he's excited to sit in the audience and cheer for his 90210 castmate, Jennie Garth.

ABC might have its hands full keeping an eye on Floyd Mayweather Jr. At a press conference to promote his December fight with Ricky Hatton, Mayweather muttered into Hatton's ear, "I'm going to beat you like a bitch. Butt-f**k you." It could be a real problem if Floyd starts threatening Wayne Newton with non-consensual sex.

CBS has decided to hold advanced screenings of Kid Nation for elementary school students, but not for TV critics. When movie studios don't preview films for critics, the films are almost always dogs. We'll see tomorrow night if the same holds true for Kid Nation.

Former Gilmore Girl Lauren Graham signed seven-figure development deal with NBC, and she quipped, "After having spent so many years representing the frog on the WB, I am especially comforted to be part of the only other network with an animal mascot."

And Pop Candy provided a link to the YouTube account of Heroes star Adrian Pasdar. During downtime on the set, he makes short, quirky auteur films of his cast mates, including Greg Grunberg going berserk and Sendhil Ramamurthy making a big decision. I liked this cute footage of Hayden Panettiere in Paris:

Handicapping DwtS 5

My track record for Dancing with the Stars preseason predictions is not good -- as evidenced by my predictions for Season 3 and Season 4 -- but I've refined my evaluation technique over the years. I think this could be my year to get things right.

Who am I kidding? I reserve the right redo this entire list halfway through the first episode.

In each season, contestants have been eliminated in roughly the same pattern. The early weeks are when the terrible dancers and least well known celebrities (unless they're outstanding dancers) are eliminated, though not necessarily in that order.

Then the audience cuts loose the mediocre dancers who've gotten by thanks to a compelling story (Heather Mills) or high entertainment value (George Hamilton). After that, the best dancers remain usually make it to the final four.

With that pattern in mind, I took into consideration a few factors that contribute to success on Dancing with the Stars.

1) You don't stand a chance if you can't dance. No legitimately bad dancer has ever made it into the top three.

2) Just about everyone on the show is attractive, so good looks don't guarantee success. If they did, Alec Mazo and Paulina Porizkova wouldn't have gone home first, last season.

3) At the end, it seems like the most fun, relaxed couple always wins. Drew & Cheryl, Emmitt & Cheryl, and Apolo & Julianne all looked like they were having a better time than the other couples near their talent level (though Joey & Kym were about even on the fun-o-meter last season).

As their seasons progressed, Mario & Karina, Stacy & Tony, and even Jerry & Anna started to take the judges comments personally and went on the defensive. During Season One, the same thing happened to John O'Hurley, who got uptight right at the same time that Kelly Monaco's dancing improved and she started enjoying herself.

The most important thing for every couple to remember is: you're being paid to dance on one of TV's most popular shows. Most of us would gladly quit our jobs to spend a couple of months dancing for hundreds of thousands of dollars, so at least pretend like you're having a good time.

With all of that in mind -- and knowing that I have very little idea how well most of them will actually dance -- here's how I predict this season's contestants will finish. For comparison's sake, here's a link to the odds the contestants are getting in Vegas.

12. Albert Reed & Anna Trebunskaya
Who is this guy? Apart from appearing on the cover of an Abercrombie & Fitch catalog, Albert doesn't have much of a resume, and he has no dance experience. Unless he's a natural, Anna's comeback could be brief.

11. Josie Maran & Alec Mazo
Again, who is she? Josie's done a little acting in addition to her modeling, but I doubt many viewers will recognize her (My hubby says he remembers her as David Blaine's hot but monosyllabic girlfriend, from when the two of them were on The Howard Stern Show several years back). Alec might garner a little goodwill for his recent marriage to Edyta, but not enough to overcome his partner's comparative anonymity.

10. Jennie Garth & Derek Hough
In previous seasons, Jennie might've been one of the biggest names on the dance card. But she's in a crowded field of recognizable celebs, and it'll be hard for her to stand out. Fans of DwtS will give Julianne's brother a chance, and Ian Ziering's presence in the audience might nab the couple a few extra votes, but this season's field could be too strong for them to last long.

9. Mark Cuban & Kym Johnson
Cubes is no spring chicken (he's 49), and he had his hip replaced three months ago. On the plus side, he's a billionaire who's doing this purely for fun, and he does have a background in disco. He and Kym will have a few enjoyable turns on the dance floor before his limited mobility brings their run to an end.

8. Marie Osmond & Jonathan Roberts
Marie once turned down the lead in the film version of Grease, because she objected to some of the film's content. I worry that her routines with Jonathan will lack sex appeal. Fans of her country music career and doll collection can only carry her so far if she's not hooking new fans.

7. Wayne Newton & Cheryl Burke
It's hard not to like Wayne. It's hard not to like Cheryl. But halfway through the season is when the old guys get cut.

6. Jane Seymour & Tony Dovolani
Jane's got tons of dance experience, but the bad knee that ended her ballet career as a teenager, plus her recent back problems, could spell trouble for Dr. Quinn. She's glamorous, and the fact that she's dancing for her mother who recently had a stroke is touching. But she just won't be able to match the speed of competitors 20 years her junior.

5. Floyd Mayweather, Jr. & Karina Smirnoff
Pro athletes are used to (1) being scored on quantifiable criteria and (2) being among the best at what they do. Switching to an activity in which the scoring is more subjective, and at which they are not exceptionally skilled, unnerves them.

How many times did Jerry Rice and Clyde Drexler protest, "But I'm not a ballroom dancer," when criticized by the judges? Based on Floyd's rant at a press conference promoting his December 8 boxing match (as covered in a recent Ox Notes), I hate to think what will happen when Len and Bruno point out his missteps.

As Floyd becomes more frustrated by the judges' criticism, he'll find reasons to focus his attention on training for the fight, at the expense of his dancing. He won't quit, he'll just lose the will to keep working on something that's really just a promotion for his real job.

4. Melanie Brown & Maksim Chmerkovskiy
Mel B is in a similar situation to Floyd's; the Spice Girls reunion tour starts December 7, and she'll need time to get her lips in sync with the music. On top of that, she's got an infant at home. Maks will inevitably get frustrated with Len, and Maks's sour mood could rub off on Melanie, giving her incentive to put preparations for the tour ahead of her dancing.

3. Cameron Mathison & Edyta Sliwinska
Cameron brings a substantial fanbase to the show, including fans of All My Children and the entire nation of Canada. Additionally, fans of DwtS will be pulling for Edyta who, in five seasons, has only had one real chance to win: Season 3, when she was paired with Joey Lawrence.

But Cameron spent four years in leg braces as a child as a result of Legg-Calve-Perthes syndrome. Will there be any lingering effects? He's also spending three days per week in New York, filming All My Children. He'll have to stay dedicated to his training and always make dancing look easy if he wants to get Edyta her first trophy.

2. Helio Castroneves & Julianne Hough
Helio's a big star in Indy Car racing, plus he has the support of everyone in his native Brazil. Julianne is riding high off of a win, so there should be no shortage of fan support for these two. But just how nimble is Helio, if his job is to sit in a car for hours at a time?

1. Sabrina Bryan & Mark Ballas
I know. Many of you are thinking, "Who?" I was one of those people, initially. But there's one thing I learned from Monique Coleman and Billy Ray Cyrus: never underestimate the voting power of Disney Channel fans.

More importantly for this pair, Sabrina has a lot of recent dance experience. She released a dance fitness DVD last year, and she dances when performing as a member of the Cheetah Girls. Plus, she's got a cute partner who's new to the show, and that can't hurt. Being a first-time DwtS pro didn't hurt Cheryl or Julianne. (As for Brian Fortuna...)

It's been three seasons since a female contestant won Dancing with the Stars, and I suspect Sabrina was cast to be the girl to buck that trend. Her resume makes her one of the most likely celebrities to start the season with a great performance, and in past seasons, the best dancers in week one always make it to the finale. If she stays positive and gives each dance her all, Sabrina Bryan could waltz away with the mirrorball trophy.

Ox Notes: September 17, 2007

Dancing with the Stars 5 premieres one week from tonight, and TV Guide has interviews with Albert Reed and Marie Osmond. Marie says of her physical preparedness for the competition: "I should be 20 pounds thinner. But come on — I have eight kids and I'm 47 years old! Who cares?"

If you're interested in owning a piece of DwtS memorabilia, Charity Folks features an auction of teapots decorated by the casts of TV shows, and a teapot signed by the DwtS judges has yet to receive a single bid. Neither has the teapot autographed by So You Think You Can Dance choreographers Alex Da Silva, Brian Friedman, Dan Karaty, Mia Michaels and Mary Murphy. Bidding starts at $150, and proceeds from the auctions benefit BAFTA/LA and the Television Academy Foundation.

Jeff Probst says he'd like to do another all-star edition of Survivor, with one caveat: "I wouldn’t be looking forward to necessarily doing another 20 all-stars, because I know the minute you call them an ‘all-star,’ suddenly the contract has four-page rider on it that they need their green M&Ms removed."

Bullz-Eye.com has an amusing article about TV stars who tried and failed to make it big on the big screen.

If you're like me and prefer to read about awards shows rather than watch them, here's a list of the winners at last night's Emmys.

I'm bummed that The Colbert Report is in reruns this week, as I'm excited to see how Stephen Colbert reacts to losing out on an Emmy to Tony Bennett. He lost to Barry Manilow last year, although the two did make up on The Report. But, as this clip from last night's awards show demonstrates, he's never really gotten over it.

Ox Notes: September 14, 2007

Plenty of Dancing with the Stars interviews for you today: Floyd Mayweather Jr. confessed to TV Guide that he has a weakness for gummy bears. In an interview with the Houston Chronicle, new pro Mark Ballas says of Julianne Hough, a former student at his parents' dance studio: "Now she can't keep using my moves because I'm doing the show." And DwtS alum Lisa Rinna told The Advocate what she fears most about her red carpet duties at this weekend's Emmys -- a Joan Rivers sneak attack.

A man has been arrested for attacking Top Chef 2 contestant Josie Smith-Malave and her friends over Labor Day weekend.

Top Chef judge/blogger Anthony Bourdain just filmed what sounds like the weirdest holiday special ever for his Travel Channel series No Reservations, involving fake blood, ugly Christmas sweaters, and the band Queens of the Stone Age.

NBC might yank the only half-hour scripted comedy it picked up for the 2007-2008 season. The IT Crowd stars The Soup's Joel McHale, so I hope the network gives it a chance.

Each year, Salon gives an award to the most underappreciated show on TV, and this year's Buffy Award (named after the vampire slayer) went to Friday Night Lights. Since I adore all of the previous Buffy winners -- The Wire, Veronica Mars, and Battlestar Galactica -- and was introduced to all of them on DVD, I'll be picking up the first season of Friday Night Lights this afternoon.

In an effort to attract folks like me, NBC priced the 22-episode first season DVD set at a modest $29.98. Amazon further slashed the price $19.99. Not a bad investment, if you ask me.

Finally, here's video of the Access Hollywood interview in which Lauren outed dating couple Hok & Lacey during rehearsal for the So You Think You Can Dance tour.

Ox Notes: September 13, 2007

I think I'm more excited about watching the last three episodes of Top Chef 3 than I am about any of the shows premiering in the coming weeks. And last night's breakfast Quickfire challenge was especially enjoyable (C.J. was right, girls do like crepes).

Fortunately Bravo has plenty of blog posts about the latest episode by Anthony Bourdain, Padma Lakshmi, Gail Simmons, Rocco DiSpirito, Harold Dieterle, and Lee Anne Wong to tide me over until next Wednesday.

Food fans can sign up for the Epicurious Name That Food challenge for a chance to win a weekend in Savannah with Paula Deen. You might want to fast for a week before the trip, just to ease the guilt over all of the butter and mayonnaise you'll inevitably consume at a taping of Paula's Party.

Simon Cowell is worried about Ryan Seacrest hosting the Emmys on Sunday: "The fact that most years it's hosted by comedians, and Ryan's not funny, is a small issue."

Ahead of next Thursday's premiere of Survivor: China, CBS has posted a couple of cool videos shot by Jeff Probst at YouTube. The first is a tour of Base Camp where the production staff live, and the second introduces members of the Dream Team -- the intrepid folks who test all of the challenges before the Survivors use them. It's nice to finally put a few faces to the headless bodies we see demonstrating the challenges while Jeff explains the instructions.

Ox Notes: September 12, 2007

TV Guide has an interview with another Dancing with the Stars contestant: Wayne Newton. Mr. Las Vegas had his right knee replaced in 2002, and says he's most looking forward to competing against Mark Cuban -- who's had a hip replacement -- in what he's calling "the battle of the new joints."

So You Think You Can Dance's Lauren Gottlieb spilled the beans to Access Hollywood -- Hok and Lacey are dating.

Top Chef 2 contestant Josie Smith-Malave was the victim of gay bashing over Labor Day weekend. Fortunately, her injuries were minor.

Bachelor Andy Baldwin has been getting cozy with former Miss Iran, Sepideh Haftgoli, and Reality Blurred commends him: "Andy Baldwin: showing his commitment to his reality TV relationship by cuddling with a model in public."

Noooo! Charisma Carpenter is going to be on the celebrity edition of The Apprentice. Now I might have to watch it!

And Time has a list of the 100 Best TV Shows of ALL-TIME, which, of course, left off my favorite show ever: Sports Night. Is your favorite show missing as well?

Ox Notes: September 11, 2007

TV Guide posted an interview with Jane Seymour -- the first of their Dancing with the Stars Preview articles. And ESPN.com has an article about Floyd Mayweather Jr. worth reading for the interesting background information on his dance partner, Karina Smirnoff -- including the fact that Mario Lopez's pet name for her is "The Ukrainian Hammer."

DwtS vet George Hamilton is returning to Broadway on Friday in the role of Billy Flynn in Chicago. He's also looking to get hitched: "Being alone is not as much fun as one might imagine."

Bravo's bringing even more dancing to television with a competition show called Step It Up, from the makers of Project Runway. Interested dancers can find application information here. Open casting calls start on September 22 in Los Angeles, with other open calls planned for Chicago, New York, and Atlanta.

When the Creative Arts Emmy Awards Presentation is broadcast on E! on Saturday, Kathy Griffin's acceptance speech will be censored. E! caved in to religious groups who were offended when Griffin took the podium and said, "Can you believe this shit? I guess hell froze over. … a lot of people come up here and thank Jesus for this award. I want you to know that no one had less to do with this award than Jesus. So, all I can say is, ‘suck it, Jesus.’ This award is my god now."

Now if E!'s really interested in catering to religious conservatives, they ought to consider censoring shows like The Girls Next Door, Sunset Tan, The Simple Life, Dr. 90210...

Speaking of offensive things, Survivor's Jonny Fairplay is going to be a father. His girlfriend, America's Next Top Model's Michelle Deighton, says of her pregnancy, "Oops."

Finally, here are two sites to help get you ready for fall: Variety's Season Pass has early reviews of many of this season's new shows, and Zap2It's Fall Preview 2007 has everything you need to know about show's new and old.

Ox Notes: September 10, 2007

The Creative Arts Emmy winners were announced over the weekend, and there was a three-way tie in the Choreography category -- making Louis van Amstel the only nominee in that category who didn't get a trophy.

Dancing with the Stars host Samantha Harris has been blogging about her pregnancy for Fitness magazine, and she's thoughtfully written about all of the companies who've been giving her free stuff. Perhaps when she's done with her custom Plush maternity jeans, she can loan them to Jeri Ryan, who's pregnant with her own Borg-human hybrid.

In related DwtS news, Season 3 contestant Sara Evans' husband has gone nuts, filing a monstrous 118-page document requesting records of Evans' phone conversations with fellow DwtS contestants and dancers. The doc demands that Evans admit to having affairs with 11 men, including Tony Dovolani and Richard Marx. Sara -- even if it's true, never admit to having an affair with Richard Marx!

Season 5's contestants are training hard at the moment, but Mel B still finds time to dine out, Mark Cuban to blog, and Helio Castroneves to give an interview about his DwtS experience so far.

Sign On San Diego has an article about So You Think You Can Dance judge Mary Murphy's studio.

And Britney Spears made her less-than-triumphant return last night at the MTV Video Music Awards, imbuing her performance with all the energy of a slug on Valium and sporting some gross and obvious hair extensions. Comedian Sarah Silverman followed Spears' performance, saying of Brit: "Wow. She is amazing. She is 25 years old and she's already accomplished everything she's going to accomplish in her life."

Ox Notes: September 7, 2007

Looks like I'll be watching the Emmys this year -- Brian and Stewie of Family Guy are giving an on-stage performance.

Readers at Dance-Forums posted links to interviews with Danny, Lacey, and Neil of So You Think You Can Dance 3, as well as videos of Jane Seymour & Tony Dovolani and Wayne Newton & Cheryl Burke training for Dancing with the Stars 5. Cheryl's hair is slightly longer than in previous seasons, and it looks cute.

Who Wants to be a Superhero 2 ended yesterday, and the winner wasn't who I expected it to be.

Reality Blurred compiled a list of reviews of Tim Gunn's Guide to Style, and the consensus is that it's nicer version of What Not to Wear. I think I'll stick with Stacy and Clinton.

Tonight, ABC's 20/20 returns with an expose of the episode of NBC's To Catch a Predator that ended in suicide. Turns out the police weren't the ones in charge when NBC's cameras followed William Conradt Jr. to his house, prompting him to shoot himself.

Speaking of pedophiles, all the pervs out there can settle down about those naked pictures of High School Musical's Vanessa Hudgens circulating on the Internet -- she's already 18.

Ox Notes: September 6, 2007

The designers competing in Project Runway 4 will be revealed during tonight's premiere of Tim Gunn's Guide to Style at 10 ET on Bravo. Last night's special preview that followed Top Chef was actually the second episode of the new series -- and based on that episode, Veronica Webb is the real star of the show.

Alleged comedian Sherri Shepherd is officially the newest panelist on The View, giving me a new reason not to watch the show (as if Elisabeth Hasselbeck wasn't enough).

The most watched network by 18-34 year olds last week was Univision, illustrating what a lackluster summer this has been for the major networks.

A contestant on Survivor South Africa became the first Survivor contestant anywhere to start a fire using only natural materials.

The Food Network has given Mario Batali the ax. We'll miss you and your orange clogs, Mario.

And Anthony Bourdain posted on his blog about last night's episode of Top Chef, offering qualified praise to both Howie and Hung. He also plugged his appearance on next week's episode: "There will be a SlaughterFest of Horror, an Orgy of Bloodletting, Partial Nudity, Flammable Liquids, Unspeakable Misuse of Power Tools and Small Woodland Creatures, and the Plaintive Wailing of the Doomed. It will make Altamont look like Lilith Fair."

Ox Notes: September 5, 2007

Tim Gunn's Guide to Style premieres tonight on Bravo after the new episode of Top Chef, before moving to its permanent home Thursdays at 10 p.m. ET. The show's co-host, Veronica Webb, says of the pair of cargo shorts in Gunn's closet: "That is scandalicious, but it's like Superman keeps a little bit of Kryptonite in a box just to remember."

My mom will be happy to learn that HGTV is bringing Design Star back for a third season.

CMT is working on a make-over show for women who aren't interested in aging gracefully called I Want to Look Like a High School Cheerleader.

After failed negotiations with iTunes, NBC is taking its shows to Amazon's Unbox.

The CW is previewing their new comedy Aliens in America for the think tank the Brookings Institution and the Islamic Center for Southern California. The comedy, which centers on a Muslim exchange student living with a white, American family, is getting positive reactions from Islamic groups happy to see a Muslim TV character who isn't a terrorist, for a change.

And HBO has bought the rights to a documentary filmed entirely in the online world of Second Life, raising the question: is a documentary filmed in virtual reality really real?

Ox Notes: September 4, 2007

Saturday was a big day for reality TV weddings. Dancing with the Stars' Edyta Sliwinska & Alec Mazo were married in San Francisco, and the winner of the first season of The Apprentice Bill Rancic married E! News anchor Giuliana DePandi on the island of Capri.

Rather than allow reporters to ask Big Brother 8 contestants questions about Amber's anti-Semitic remarks and Dick's threats of violence against women after the contestants are voted off of the show, CBS has suspended all cast interviews until after the Big Brother 8 finale.

Fox is hoping to capitalize on the success of their own show, COPS, and NBC's To Catch a Predator with a new reality show, Smile! You're Under Arrest. The premise is that people with outstanding warrants are promised prizes, but when they show up to collect, the cops are waiting for them.

Before you let the show's format raise certain ethical questions --like, why, if the TV producers have been able to find people with outstanding warrants, haven't the police already nabbed the perps off camera? -- Fox wants to put your concerns to rest. The criminals aren't duped -- they actually receive the prizes they were promised -- and none of them are violent offenders. Further more, all of the participants signed releases to appear on camera, prompting the question: Why the hell would you want everyone to know that you're a criminal?!

In other police-related news, I only have to wait three more months until The Wire -- The Complete 4th Season is released on DVD. The set hits shelves on December 4, with a list price of $59.99.

And finally, a report from the fashion police: At Sean "Diddy" Combs' annual White Party this weekend, wife of Billy Joel and original host of Top Chef Katie Lee Joel was turned away at the door when she tried to get in wearing cream instead of the requisite white. Tsk, tsk, Katie. I'm sure Padma would've followed the rules.