DWTS 3 -- Results Show Week 3

Harry Hamlin said that only a miracle or surgery could loosen up his stiff frame enough to make him a contender. His miracle never came, and Harry & Ashly became the next couple eliminated from Dancing with the Stars 3.

Last night, the judges criticized a number of couples for breaking the rules. Host Tom Bergeron gave Judge Len Goodman a chance to clarify which rules had been broken. Len cited a general rule barring lifts. He then defined a lift as follows: "Your partner picks you up off both your feet, and you do a step you couldn't do on your own."

The lift rule was broken during a few of the Performance Show Jives. Video footage showed clearly that Willa & Max and Joey & Edyta had included lifts in their routines.

For the Tango, the infractions had to do with time spent in "proper ballroom hold." Apart from approximately ten seconds at the start and end of the routine, dancers needed to be in contact throughout the rest of the dance. A video clip detailed how Mario & Karina had broken their hold during the Tango.

"We're looking for the best all-around couple," Len said. "We're not looking for a one dance wonder." Couples are judged on how well they portray the character of each of the dances, and, ideally, the couple who can successfully execute the greatest number of dances wins.

Len announced that Vivica & Max had earned the encore, before the other judges reminded him that Vivica's Tango partner was Nick, not Max. The Shaggy song to which Vivica & Nick danced sounded even weirder the second time around. All I noticed was the singer periodically grunting, "Huh...What...Shaggy!" throughout the performance.

Next, retro-rock group Scissor Sisters performed their song, "Take Your Mama." Their instruments were set up on the dance floor, leaving just enough room for Cheryl and ousted pro Jesse to perform. This was a smart staging decision, as it meant the cameras were free to film both the band and the dancers, rather than cutting away for too many closeups of the band. The dancing was great and made me wish the song was a bit longer.

While the band cleared the floor, Samantha asked some of the couples about last night's performances. Regarding Emmitt's low scores from the judges, Samantha asked him, "Were you robbed?"

"At gun point," Emmitt deadpanned. Samantha said that when she talked to him after last night's show, he was fuming mad. "I still am!" said Emmit.

Sara said that the country flavor of last night's "hat, boots, and choreography were more my style." She'd better be careful, lest she confuse this with Fox's new show, Boot Scootin' with Celebs.

Then it was back out to Tom on the dance floor, where he introduced a clip package of feedback from the Performance Show's studio audience. The crowd was evenly mixed on whether following the rules was more important than doing anything to please the crowd. One man told Len to "lighten up on the Geritol," while a female audience member said, "If I want to see cartwheels and handstands, I'll watch a cheerleading competition." One patriot said that "America is based on rules!" I wonder where he stands on the Geneva Convention's definition of torture.

After that, it was time to announce the first safe couples of the night, in no particular order. To their delight, Willa & Max were announced first -- surprising them more than when, the previous night, Samantha had told them they were falling in love. Sara & Tony were also announced as safe, as were Monique & Louis. As show faded to commercial, Sara walked over to hug Willa, who was gleefully running in place.

To prepare audiences for one of next week's dances, the Paso Doble, the pros performed it as a part of the biggest spectacle in DwtS history. Italian tenor Vittorio, wearing a black cloak, lead a choir the "O Fortuna," from Carl Orff's Carmina Burana. The pro dancers performed the dance of the bull fighter, with the women clad in flowing black dresses that mimicked capes. Behind it all, video screens burned with virtual flames.

The whole thing seemed like some sort of dark ritual. It was Dancing with the Stars, as reinterpreted by Roman Polanski.

As the singers and dancers cleared the stage and returned to their crypts, Tom gave credit to Louis for the routine's choreography.

Samantha was backstage interviewing the three celebrities safe for next week. Sara planned on taking her country-theme to new heights next week. Perhaps she would ride out on a horse, and Tony could lift the horse. Tony ran backstage in time to remind her of the rule: "No Lifts!"

Samantha then put Willa on the spot, asking her who she thought would be eliminated tonight, now that she and Max were safe. Max jumped in and said he hoped for a four-way tie, and that no one would go home. Willa agreed.

During an update of DwtS viewer Tysonia's progress in the Slim Fast challenge, she Waltzed in front of her coworkers. She pulled off the dance, knowing that if she didn't, she'd never hear the end of it at work. Next week, she has to wear a skimpy dress for the Samba.

Scissor Sisters came back out to perform "I Don't Feel Like Dancing," or as Tom called it, "The Tucker Carlson Story." The judges danced in their seats during the song.

Scissor Sisters is my kind of band. I'm sure I would've heard of them before tonight -- if it was seven years ago and I was still cool. (These days, I rely on car commercials and movie credits to discover new bands. It's so sad.)

Another prerecorded segment featured the judges discussing what they expected from performers throughout the competition. Len said he looks for technique and hold, and how they sell the performance. "You must feel good about your routine," he said. "If you haven't got confidence, you won't perfom well."

Carrie Ann said that she accounts for each celebrity's individuality. "Joey Lawrence's best performance won't look like Emmitt Smith's best performance."

Carrie Ann and Len then pointed out some of each celebrities' strengths, giving special attention to Sara. I think Carrie Ann was trying to be figurative when she said, "Each week, Sara unbuttons another button of her top, and she lets more and more of herself come out."

After the judges' segment, two more couples were announced as safe: Vivica & Nick and Joey & Edyta.

With the fate of four couples still uncertain, a final prerecorded interview segment prolonged the tension. Harry said that this competition would be a piece of cake for him if he were up against the contestants from Season One. We learned that practicing has become a full time obsession for Joey and Willa, prompting Jerry to ask, "What are they, nuts? Don't they have anything else to do?"

Mario & Karina and Emmitt & Cheryl were revealed as the next two safe couples. This left Jerry & Kym and Harry & Ashly in the bottom two.

Not wanting to prolong the agony, Tom quickly told Harry & Ashly that they'd been eliminated. Tom expressed his shock, and some of the crowd booed the results, as Harry & Ashly made their way over to the hosts.

Harry tried to be stoic, saying the experience has given him an "extreme body makeover" and the chance to dance with "a goddess." Samantha foolishly tried to ask a sobbing Ashly about Harry's dedication. Ashly was far too overcome to answer. Ironically, Ashly had survived more weeks last season, when she was partnered with the disinterested Master P, than she'd been able to with a committed partner like Harry.

As the show ended, Ashly danced with Harry to "All By Myself." And last season's crying queen, Lisa Rinna, sat in the audience, watching her husband's final dance.

Next week, celebrities do the Waltz or Paso Doble.