Medic!

Survivor: Guatemala distinguished itself from previous seasons by filling its first episode with abundant dry heaving. It was a triumph for the out-of-shape, as 4 of the strongest contestants succumbed to dehydration within the first 24 hours.

The game began with contestants already divided into two teams: Nakum - Margaret, Jim, Blake, Judd, Cindy, Danni, Brandon and Brooke - and Yaxha - Brianna, Lydia, Gary, Jamie, Morgan, Rafe, Brian and Amy. When high priest Jeff Probst revealed this season's twist, Stephenie and Bobby Jon of Survivor: Palau magically appeared atop the ruined temple. Steph was assigned to Yaxha and Bobby Jon to Nakum as full-fledged members of the tribes.

Players endured an 11-mile hike through the jungle for their reward: flint and the better of the two camps. Along the way, a thorny tree branch fell on Blake, injuring his shoulder, and almost as soon as Nakum won the challenge, Margaret had to nurse most of the men of her tribe back to health. Brandon was the only man not to suffer from dehydration, and if I had to see one more shot of Bobby Jon's eyes rolling back in his head, I was going to pass out for him. It was no surprise that Nakum lost the immunity challenge the next day. Jim tore his bicep during the challenge, making everyone's choice easy.

Big props to Gary for lying about his last name and occupation; hopefully he can keep his NFL past a secret for all 39 days. Next week, Blake dry heaves some more. I can hardly wait.