Mig is a Wuss

The final performance show of Rock Star: INXS started with a bang and ended with a girlish squeal. After all these episodes, viewers are left to wonder, "How the heck did Mig avoid the Bottom 3 this whole time?"

Suzie started things off with "Interstate Love Song" by Stone Temple Pilots, a bad song for her voice, and she wasn't sure when to come in on the first chorus. Still she did run about the stage and in the crowd, which is always where she wins me over. I try to imagine what it'd be like in the audience for all of these performances, and Suzie's always the performer I'd most like to see live. She did a great version of "What's Up" by 4 Non-Blondes, a song I usually don't like but was able to enjoy when performed by her.

J.D. reprised "Pretty Vegas," this time with a glittery megaphone. INXS clearly likes this song and sees its hit single potential. He also performed Pink Floyd's "Money," which has weird timing that makes it hard to sing. He did a great job with it and established himself as the clear front runner. I'm never gonna get why people think he's hot, but that's not why you choose a lead singer. Right?

Marty and Wee Dave Navarro did an unplugged version of his song "Trees." But Marty wasn't as exciting as he normally is when he performed his second song, Radiohead's "Creep." The song's a downer, but there are lots of times when the restrained fury he's shown before would've been perfect. Instead we got lots of screaming and bulging neck veins, along with some embarrassing faux-operatic cooing near the end of the song. It's too bad INXS picked it for him; it doesn't sound anything like an INXS song, and all it did was highlight Marty's shortcomings.

Speaking of short things, Mig ended the show with the second embarrassing set of the evening. Granted, he was doomed by the songs INXS assigned him, but he did nothing to help himself. "Paint It, Black" by the Rolling Stones showed that he can't connect with any heavy or dark material, and Seal's "Kiss From a Rose" has such stupid lyrics and bad vocal jumps from chest voice to head voice that there's not much anyone can do to make it sound good. It's the love theme from Batman Forever, for Pete's sake! INXS wasn't impressed and Wee Dave topped off the absurdity by asking Mig to take his jacket off. Then, Mig foolishly agreed to do it, showing off his 120 pounds of pure muscle, baby.

Ugh. Please, people, don't do this to me. Don't make me have to watch spry little Mig prance about any longer. I'm sure there's some Bee Gees musical in the works that he'd be perfect for.