The Amazing Race: All-Stars -- Episode 1

If executed poorly, an all-star season of a reality show can easily alienate the very fans it's trying to please. Case in point: too much Rupert on Survivor: All-Stars. Fortunately, the premiere episode of The Amazing Race: All-Stars had just the right balance of jokers and jerks -- even if they're missing some of the jokers (Ken & Gerard) and jerks (Colin & Christie) I was hoping for.

The eleven teams started the race in Miami, Florida, before departing for Ecuador. In the shuttle ride from the parking lot to the airport, it became apparent which teams were really on the ball and which weren't.

John Vito & Jill, Rob & Amber, and Ozzy & Danny all realized that the flight leaving first might not actually arrive in Ecuador first. They checked with their shuttle drivers and learned that the second flight on American Airlines arrived nearly two hours earlier than the flight on a smaller airline, Copa.

David & Mary, who were not widely regarded as a shrewd team during Season 10, booked their seats on Copa before asking the ticket agent if it was the faster flight.

The shuttle ride to the airport also confirmed that, just like in Season 7, everyone's gunning for Rob & Amber. Ozzy & Danny, who were sharing their shuttle, jokingly congratulated Rob & Amber for having "your own cable channel," and said they were familiar with "Romber" simply by virtue of living on the planet Earth.

The anti-Romber sentiment apparently ramps up next week, which strikes me as funny, since they didn't even win their season but are still seen as the most fearsome team. Meanwhile, no one seems worried about Uchenna & Joyce, the actual winners of Season 7 and the only TAR millionaires competing in All-Stars.

In Ecuador, Drew & Kevin were in big trouble. After already losing a footrace with Charla, Drew fell while stepping out of cab and lay moaning and rolling in the street for what seemed to be several minutes.

Eventually, Drew accepted that, were his shoulder actually dislocated, he would not be able to wave his arm around in pain, and the team was back in the race.

But Drew & Kevin fell behind the pack on the way to the Detour the next morning, which was located in the middle of a nature preserve. Things only got worse when they blew out a tire on the muddy road, but rather than put on the spare, Drew simply drove on three wheels and a rim.

Drew's willingness to go offroad four-wheeling on three wheels saved Kevin and him from elimination. Season 3 favorites John Vito & Jill had gotten bad directions along the way, and they wound up entering the vast nature preserve on the wrong side. (Earlier in the day, the same thing had happened to Charla & Mirna -- due in no small part to the pseudo-Spanish they spoke throughout the episode (e.g., "Exallante," and "Muy dinero.").

The outcome of the first episode was all that show producers' could have hoped for. Everyone's nemeses Rob & Amber finished in first place, making them sure to inspire the hatred of the other teams. And the nice but boring ex-couple, John Vito & Jill, were eliminated.

Eric & Danielle, the only "new" team on the race, finished in fourth place, which is very respectable considering they originally raced with different partners. And the two most sluggish teams, David & Mary and Kevin & Drew, finished at the back of the pack--as sluggish teams tend to do.

Next week, in addition to the escalating Romber bashing, Charla takes on the Beauty Queens, Dustin & Kandice.