DwtS 5, Week 5: Performances

One of the stars really got down tonight on Dancing with the Stars. Just not in a good way.

Marie Osmond & Jonathan Roberts -- Samba
Marie & Jonathan's Samba was well-executed and cute, but lacked sizzle. Marie's unflattering dress was ruffled in all the wrong places, and its robin's egg blue color contributed to the performances cutesy vibe.

As Len explained why the Samba is difficult for amateurs to master, Marie began breathing heavily and slumped to the ground. Tom Bergeron immediately said they'd be back after a commercial break as the audience gasped and the judges looked on in concern. The HD feed stayed with the show long enough to hear the band kick in with their standard outro music.

After returning from commercial, an alert Marie stood backstage with Jonathan waiting to get their scores from the judges.

Judges' Scores: Carrie Ann...7, Len...7, Bruno...7 = 21/30

Backstage with the couple, Samantha Harris made her first potentially inappropriate remark since returning from maternity leave: "If you thought fainting would get you 10s, it didn't work." Marie chuckled and said, "No, you don't plan those things." Then she explained that she occasionally passes out when she gets winded, and apologized for spooking everyone.

Jane Seymour & Tony Dovolani -- Rumba
Jane & Tony's Rumba seemed a little low key after the drama that preceded it. But Jane moved beautifully, and she looked stunning in an open-backed red dress.

Bruno gushed over Jane: "It was wonderful. You looked like Edyta at times." Carrie Ann noted, "There is a bit of a problem on your spots on your turns." Len told Jane, "You're really classy the way you dance."

Judges' Scores: Carrie Ann...8, Len...9, Bruno...9 = 26/30

Mark Cuban & Kym Johnson -- Samba
Mark & Kym danced to the "I Dream of Jeannie" theme song, with Kym dressed as Jeannie. Mark dressed as a nerd, which didn't make sense since Jeannie's master was an Astronaut. Despite that, Mark did move better, now that he's decided to just have fun and not worry so much about the judges' scores.

Carrie Ann said, "I actually liked it. The content was there as well. The only thing that was really lacking...was the technique." Len told Mark, "Get that lamp, rub it hard, and hope that Jeannie sorts your feet out." Bruno said, "It was your most entertaining dance to date."

Judges' Scores: Carrie Ann...7, Len...7, Bruno...7 = 21/30

Sabrina Bryan & Mark Ballas -- Rumba
Sabrina's dance was much more fluid than Jane's, and more romantic as well -- especially when Mark put his face in Sabrina's cleavage at the end of the routine.

Len said, "Your strength is [that] you've got no weaknesses. For me, there was one or two over-the-top poses and postures going on." Bruno countered, "A good trick is a good trick. It was a totally grown up, ripe, womanly performance." Carrie Ann told Sabrina, "Normally, you knock us over. Tonight, you gently beckoned us in. You're just hitting the edges of your turns a little hard."

Backstage, Sabrina took Len's comments in stride: "I think Len has so many amazing comments, and they're what keep getting us better each week."

Judges' Scores: Carrie Ann...9, Len...9, Bruno...10 = 28/30

Jennie Garth & Derek Hough -- Samba
Derek took Jennie to a Hip-Hop choreographer to help her learn to "shake her fun stuff." Jennie did an admirable job shakin' it, but it's still apparent that acting sexy is unnatural to her. Still, the routine's fast turns and variety of moves made up for any awkwardness.

Bruno said, "This Samba had so much content, it was almost like How-To-Samba. Performance-wise, you stalled a little bit." Carrie Ann agreed, "Tonight is just a rough night. You were trying to give us a lot more sexy than you're used to and you're comfortable with, and I appreciate that." Len said, "I thought it was far better than these two did."

Judges' Scores: Carrie Ann...8, Len...9, Bruno...8 = 25/30

Helio Castroneves & Julianne Hough -- Rumba
Helio's black, sparkly turtleneck drew attention to the problems in his performance: hunched shoulders and effeminate arm movements. If Julianne hadn't looked so beautiful, the dance would've been a loss.

Carrie Ann told Helio, "I didn't feel your spirit in this dance, and your lines were a bit awkward this week." Len quipped, "I've seen more romance at the dentist." Bruno told Helio, "You looked in pain."

Judges' Scores: Carrie Ann...8, Len...7, Bruno...8 = 23/30

Melanie Brown & Maksim Chmerkovskiy -- Samba
Intercontinental travel must not have left Mel & Maks with much time to craft a proper wardrobe. Nude-colored dresses and shirts with neon pink and yellow racing stripes are never a good idea. Bad outfits aside, they gave the most energetic and loose Samba of the night, complete with Mel doing the splits.

Len, who's apparently never eaten an M&M before, said, "M&M, isn't it? Fruity, sweet, delicious." Bruno said, "That was full of excitement. For me, the best Samba of the night." Carrie Ann went one step further: "That was my favorite dance you've done this season."

Judges' Scores: Carrie Ann...10, Len...9, Bruno...10 = 29/30

Cameron Mathison & Edyta Sliwinska -- Rumba
For their routine, I think Edyta mistakenly donned the outfit she'll be wearing in the upcoming Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The routine was loaded with more tricks than any of the night's other routines, after last week's crackdown on lifts by the judges. While the tricks added "Wow!" factor, it meant that Cameron got away with doing little dancing, at times.

Bruno gushed, "Incredible passion." Carrie Ann said, "Emotionally, I thought you guys aced this," but noted that Edyta's foot came off the ground during the second trick. Len appreciated Cameron's improvement, but warned, "Edyta, don't keep doing those one-legged spins. They're gettin' on my nerves."

Judges' Scores: Carrie Ann...8, Len...9, Bruno...9 = 26/30

Leaderboard:
29 -- Mel & Maks
28 -- Sabrina & Mark
26 -- Jane & Tony, Cameron & Edyta
25 -- Jennie & Derek
23 -- Helio & Julianne
21 -- Marie & Jonathan, Mark & Kym

Apart from Mel & Maks' Samba and Sabrina & Mark's Rumba, none of the performances made a lasting impression on me. While Mark & Kym and Marie & Jonathan could wind up in the Bottom Two, a few minutes under the bright red spotlight might be what it takes to wake Helio & Julianne up and get them back to the top of the leaderboard next week.