Treasure Hunters Is Brought To You By...

I commend the producers of Treasure Hunters for making adjustments to the show format since last week. Gone are the previews for upcoming show segments and endless repetitions of prerecorded clues. Still, the show feels more like an hour-long commercial than a race.

After the Outer Limits-inspired show intro, teams were woken up at 2 in the morning by the ringing of their (insert brand name) cell phones. The clue: drive your (insert brand name) SUV to the Lexington Mines in Montana, making sure to read the (insert brand name) billboards you'll pass along the way.

Most of the teams used onboard GPS systems to find their way to the mine; the Hillbillies, formally known as The Wild Hanlons, preferred to let Pat Hanlon invent some nonsensical method of navigation.

Producers seem determined to make the Hanlons look stupid. I'm sure they have plenty of flaky moments, just like the other teams, but any time the Hanlons are shown, they are doing something that ranges from moronic to insane. Only at the very last second do they seem to display anything approaching coherence. More on that later.

At the mine, two members of each team piled into a coal car that took them through the mine. The car could only hold six people, so three teams entered at a time. Inside, contestants found a bucket inside a pit of snakes. Staying true to stereotypes -- which is one of the tenets of this show -- every woman who approached the pit squealed at the site of the snakes.

The words "bend the light" were inscribed on the outside of the bucket. Inside the bucket was a glass lens, concealing a clue that could only be read when water was poured onto the lens, refracting a light which shone from above. As soon as the first team figured out how to read the clue, the other teams noticed the wet lens and the solution was obvious.

The clue directed teams to drive 150 miles to the Wood Bottom camp site, along the Missouri River in Montana. Team Air Force, the first team out, used their (insert brand name) laptop computer to search (insert brand name).com for directions to "Wood Bottom, Missouri."

When Air Force arrived at the correct location (Hey, that must be a good search engine after all!), they were told to paddle a canoe during daylight hourse, looking for 14 star-shaped symbols along the river bank. Their next clue was 40 paces behind the 14th star.

As it was already dusk when they arrived, Air Force had to wait with the rest of the teams until the next morning before heading out. Everyone enjoyed a steak dinner before turning in for some much needed rest.

Everyone except the Hillbillies, that is. Josh and Ben, normally the two more capable Hanlons, spent 11 hours looking for the clue in the mine. Considering how quickly everyone else solved the riddle, it seems strange that they could take so long -- unless they were nudged to take their time, knowing that the other teams wouldn't be able to get much of a head start on them. Again, more on this later.

The Hillbillies finally got to camp at 3:30 a.m., where they spent about six hours sleeping in their (insert brand name) tent. They finally left camp nearly four hours after the lead team.

But the Hillbillies were by no means out of contention. The Brown family capsized their canoe, and briefly contemplated walking all 20 miles along the river bank. They got back into the canoe, only to be passed by the Hanlons.

Then the Grad Students, got into trouble when Jessica stepped in a hole and twisted her knee. A medic bandaged her up and gave her crutches, but they, too, were passed by the Hanlons.

Meanwhile, everyone else found the next clue: a journal containing a key for decrypting a code designed by Thomas Jefferson and Lewis & Clark. Along the way, pastor Fogel and his family acted devilishly, and Miss USA talked about snack food while bouncy, ditzy music played in the background.

Teams then drove to Tower Rock State Park, where they decoded a message using their key. The message instructed them to look under a dark rock on a hill, where they found a compass -- the show's second artifact, to go with they map they found last week.

The Hanlons were the seventh team to arrive, but spent they four hours trying to crack the code before giving up and going to get hamburgers. While they were gone, the last two teams reached Tower Rock.

The Grad Students found their compass and finished in seventh place. Miraculously, Josh Hanlon was able to crack the secret code immediately after the Hanlons returned from their burger run, and the Hillbillies found the final compass just minutes before the Browns.

It is impossible to watch the Hanlons blunder about, only to figure things out in the nick of time, and not suspect that on-site producers or camerapeople coached them to take their time or ham it up. At the very least, much of the Hanlon footage feels like it was reshot, all in a futile effort to make the Hanlons into the funny regular guys that viewers are supposed to root for.

The whole cast seems like a collection of the worst reality show cliches: bumbling Southerners, bubbleheaded babes, un-Christian Christians, stupid geniuses, and the ever-popular black men who can't swim. Get some girls with eating disorders and some gay guys, and we've got ourselves a season of the Real World.

The cliches, the forced humor of the Hanlons, and the excessive product placement make Treasure Hunters feel like nothing more than a money grab by NBC. This project isn't somebody's baby, a creative idea long in the hatching. Instead, NBC said, "Let's capitalize on the popularity of The Da Vinci Code and throw together a reality show. Just use the formula."

Sure, all shows are designed to make money. That's why they get aired. But they're not supposed to seem to us watchers like that's their only goal. Treasure Hunters feels formulaic and soulless--and the lack of passion behind it is obvious.